(Closed) Are you changing your name? Why or why not?

posted 7 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Did you, or will you take your husband's name?
    Yes : (298 votes)
    73 %
    No : (79 votes)
    19 %
    Hyphenated names : (19 votes)
    5 %
    Made new name : (3 votes)
    1 %
    Other (please comment) : (10 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 152
    5188 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I did but now I’m starting to wish I hadn’t. No one can pronounce it correctly and it’s so annoying! My own fault though, he warned me in advance what would happen and I did it anyway lol. 

    Post # 153
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I have gone back and forth about what my name will be. I am Def 100 % taking his last name, it’s wether or not to drop my middle name or not. My aunt never had children and I carry her middle name, so I don’t want to drop it, but My Fiance thinks 4 names is kinda long and crazy lol to be continued…

    Post # 154
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Above all marriage means you are ALL in, so why would’nt I take his name? I can’t wait to share his name with him, I love him soooo much!!

    Post # 156
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I voted other. I still don’t know what I want to do… Argh!

    Post # 157
    273 posts
    Helper bee

    I would never change my name for my husband, unless he had one I particularly loved.

    The argument about “oh, I got my maiden name from a man too” just doesn’t make sense to me. The issue with taking a husband’s name for me isn’t that taking someone’s name means they “own me”. It’s just that changing my name for a husband makes no sense- he is no better than me, and no more important than me. We are meant to be equals, so why would I change my name and he not change his?

    In contrast, my dad is not my equal. He earned the right to “surname me” because he loves me unconditionally, dedicated 20 years of his life to provide for me and care for me, will be there for me no matter what and always puts my happiness above his own. Whatever I do, he will love me. You just can’t guarantee that with a husband (and nor should you be able to, I don’t think romantic love should be unconditional).

    Sure you could argue that my mum did the same, but she was willing to let my dad surname me so I respect her wishes. Just like I respect the wishes of any woman who chooses to take their husband’s surname, I just don’t understand the “my maiden name comes from a man” argument unless you have a rubbish dad.

    Post # 158
    2633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My fi wants me to tke his last name.  I have an attchment to my last name…its very unique (well so is his) …also. I feel like I want to honoir my father since he passed away when I was 10 (daddys girl). 


     I have two brothers to carry the last name (we are the last 3 left in the family with the name since my dad had 3 sisters). I guess at this point I am not trusting my bros to carry on the family name…so I want it to carry.


     Suggeated hyphenation but my fi last name ia already hyphenated (probably has been the last few geneeations…lots pf boys in his family). So a triple hyphenation may be a bit much (since my last name has. 7 letters)

    Sorry for the typos.  Typing on my phone too much work to go in and fix 




    Post # 159
    2521 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m taking my fiancés name for two reasons 

    1. He is the last male with his surname so if we only have daughters/no children then the name may die out on his side (no pressure on him then!) and Id want to have the same name as my children

    2. When I Facebook search my current name, several of us come up. If I search my married name, no one does! So I will be the only one (in Facebook land at least!)


    I decided to take his name because traditionally that is what you did. I don’t think there is anything wrong with not taking his name, but for me, it is a given part of marriage. 

    Post # 160
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I intend to take his last name at some point. I already changed it on my social media and my email, but I haven’t changed it legally. I had planned to do it the week after we got married, but my car got a flat the day of the wedding and I didn’t have a car to get around in for over a week. After that, it became less of a priority as more time went by and the initial excitement and newness of being married wore off. I mean, it is still exciting and new, but it’s not the day, week, month after, anymore, where every single thing is 10 times more awesome because we’re married. Our lives didn’t change one bit after getting married (already lived together, had a routine, shared finances, etc, before marrying), so it was easy to let it slip into the background. Then when I did start thinking about it again, I realized it was probably easier to wait until we filed our taxes…which didn’t happen until April 14. 😀


    We did joke about both of us changing our last names. Combining ours to create something new. His last name is Vanukoff. Mine is Shadle (rhymes with ladle). So we said, “Vandle!” Like vandal. Which somehow morphed into Riddle, as in Tom Marvolo. I say we joked about it, not because it was a ridiculous concept, but because it doesn’t really appeal to either of us, so it was just for fun. He is established with his last name, his kids have his last name (but their moms have since changed theirs, so the kids share my husband’s name, not their moms’ names, so they’d both stay Vanukoffs without either parent having that name…it just wouldn’t work) and a new name is really that important or appealing to either of us.


    He doesn’t care if I change my last name or not. It will make him happy if I do, but it won’t make him unhappy if I don’t. I don’t have a huge attachment to my maiden name, but I have spent half my life being called Shadle-my-ladle, Shadle-bot (I had a hip replacement when I was 20, so everyone decided that I was part robot), Slim Shadle and so on. Even if I change my last name, those nicknames don’t need to die. But everyone acts like they can’t call me those things anymore if my last name changes. I don’t see it that way. One of these days, it’ll happen. There’s just really no rush.

    Post # 161
    2 posts
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @abbie017:  i am in the exact situation. he has strong feelings about it, i have no middle name, so I’ll change it but keep my maiden name as a middle name. Im not big on hyphenated last names. I will miss my last name ..it’s almost like losing a part of me. 🙁

    Post # 162
    364 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    This stresses me out! I do want us to have a family name, and it’s important to him. But I kind of feel like someone will make me turn in my feminist card if I do, you know? And hyphenating is not an option because we both had three sylable last names! Him taking my name or both of us a totally new one won’t work because he needs to keep his name for professional reasons.

    I’ll probably end up changing my name. But I feel pretty uncomfortable about it.

    Post # 163
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m changing it because I want us and our (future) children to share the same last name, and it’s better his than mine, because his is way less common. Only his family comes up on Google Search (yes, I’m a Googler)!

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