- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I’ve been married for only a few years to the most amazing, happy, and sweet man. Our relationship is really solid. We do have one rough spot and that’s his sister. She’s a very complicated, distant, and self-obsessed person.
I come from a family where I am very close with my siblings- we’re pals! We send each other funny videos and try to spend time with each other. I don’t think that she is a bad person, I don’t think she tries to hurt feelings (even though she has said/done mean things), I just genuinely feel like she is who she is. My husband is a really great guy, and i’m not just saying it. But she’s never really tried to talk to him, inquire about his life, spend time with him etc. She’s like that to his whole family, very distant-only reaching out to ask for favors, at dinners, only talking about herself never making conversation with other members.
I know this is who she is, but I cannot stand her. My blood boils when I see her. I know that my ego is involved with this because at the beginning of my marriage i really tried hard to create a relationship with her which was basically rejected. She never reciprocated the relationship, the invites, anything like that. She never asks or supports me and my husband, basically she just doesn’t care about us. While it’s her right to not care about us, it’s just a hard pill for me to swallow. Especially because i am a very warm person who really loves to get close to family and friends. Anyways, the problem is, i have to see her every week or 2 weeks at family dinners. It’s started to really get in the way of my own relationship with my husband because i never want to go to his parents house. I love my in laws, but i really can’t stand seeing her. Her presence just makes me withdraw and the conversation is all about her. They are so used to her behavior that they excuse it as “oh she’s just being X” but for me as an outsider, her behavior is just rude and uninviting.
Anyways, just wanted to vent and hear some of your experiences. Do you get along with your sibling in laws? Typically, from what you have observed from friendships, does it happen? Any advice of how i can overcome my anxiety/anger of having to see her? She’s done a lot to be raelly unwelcoming to me, but i dont want to go on and write 10 pages hah.
A lot of people say i need to lower expectations but that’s hard. I am not sure how to do that, otherwise i would 😉