(Closed) Are you close to sibling in laws? Having trouble with sister in law

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 18
45 posts
  • Wedding: June 1995

I wasted a lot of years on my one SIL and as difficult as it may be, you may have to lower your expectations. My SIL is nice when she wants something, not nice or totally absent when she doesn’t need anything. On top of that she has a problem with telling the truth most the time too :/ She’s not my kind of girl and I pretty much let my Darling Husband deal with her but I’m polite when I see her. She and Darling Husband aren’t that close so it’s pretty easy to keep my distance.

If you reach out or do anything for her, birthday or otherwise, do it with no expectations. That way you won’t be disappointed when she behaves like she normally does. If she’s as self-absorbed as you describe, will she even notice if you don’t do or say anything for her birthday? 

I don’t go out of my way go acknowledge my SIL’s b-day or anything else. If I happen to see her around those times (which is rare), I’ll say something in that situation. Otherwise, nope. If my SIL cares or notices I never say anything regarding birthdays, etc….as far as I know she’s never mentioned it to anyone, definitely never has to me. 

Post # 19
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 I am more interested in a relationship with SIL than she is in a relationship with me. If we hang out or talk, I initiate. But, she’s younger and very busy, and is constantly surrounded by friends. We’re also just really different.

Post # 20
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t really take anything personally.  I have a “talk when we can” type of relationship with my BF’s sisters. 

What helps is that I never expect anything from these relationships.  I just started getting to know my BF’s sister well–as she is super busy with school and trying for colleges.  She stayed over a couple of times, we watched movies and I cooked for us.  She likes me and approved of our relationship according to my Boyfriend or Best Friend (he told her he’s going to marry me).  My BF’s sister also suggested dates he could propose to me.  But when you her in person, she doesn’t seem that interested in me–I’m just conversant LOL. 

What I gather is, she is naturally shy and I am okay with taking the time to just be friendly and talk stories with her.  I’m a natural conversant and I make friends quite easily because I listen well, can talk about a lot of topics, and I have one of those non-threatening friendly faces.  It also helps that I smile often LOL. 

I’m sorry I can’t relate much, but you know it truly helps to not take anything personally.  🙂  if they match your personality, friendships can easily form.  If not, well they are future family and keeping friendly (even if only surface deep) can go a long way towards peaceful family relations. 

Good luck OP

Post # 21
49 posts
  • Wedding: April 2016

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doubtingdebbieah:  i don’t get angry anymore. I just have no patience for her so I’ll hang around and make sure to leave before I get irritated.  For me, I feel like I got to know her over the years.  I just happened to get know the ugly side of her.  Not worth it for me. 

Post # 22
25 posts

Isnt it funny how many people cannot stand their SIL?! I know I cant STAND mine. She absolutly sucks. She is selfish, rude, petty, FAKE..I could go on.  Our wedding process made SIL and Mother-In-Law complete different people. They even brought my Father-In-Law into the ordeal of hatred towards me. It’s quite sad actually as I spent 5 years building a relationship with the parents in particular just for it to be torn apart by this selfish brat. Oh to top it all of she actually found a man lonely enough to marry her and now she is getting married the EXACT SAME WEEKEND that I married her brother!!!!! IMAGINE DOING THAT? The whole wedding is a rip off of ours. Even down to her dress and ring. I mean it’s unbelievable. But that wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t the SAME WEEKEND!!!! We haven’t even been married two year.  Oh well I guess. Luckily we moved across the country from them so .. that helps I guess.

Post # 23
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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doubtingdebbieah:  my brothers wife is very distant, but didn’t use to be. She once acted like she was our natural born sister. Not sure what changed in her mind. They went through a rough period and she has been standoffish ever since. My family is very close knit, but she never comes to family functions, brings the kids around, or seems to want to be involved with us in any way. We live in the same city, but their kids spend more time with her friends and their families than with ours. I have come to accept it and although I would like it to be different, I don’t lose any sleep over it. 

Post # 24
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If I were you I would be overly nice, bubbly and happy to everyone in the room except her. I would pretend like she isn’t even there. There is no reason for her to be a self absorbed brat and for everyone to say “that’s just how she is”. Uhhh no. That’s how you let her be.

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