Post # 1
I am coming to you with a heavy heart right now. My Future Mother-In-Law has (aparently) been throwing fits about our Destination Wedding and she has refused to go. Getting married on the beach has always been my dream and when we visited Isla Mujeres last summer I knew it was the perfect place. The sparkling blue waves and gentle breeze was just what I had pictured. I am trying to come to grips with possibly having a wedding here in TX if we cant change her mind and it really makes me so sad. There are tons of beautiful venues here and I’m sure the wedding would be amazing, but its not my ‘dream’.
I guess what I’m asking is how do you get over not having the wedding you always imagined? I just need some advice, I’m not sure where to go from here 🙁
Post # 3
That sucks! I don’t understand people like that who issue ultimatums like that about such an important day.
That said, if it’s worth it to you to keep the peace…maybe do your wedding in TX. And then the two of you can go on your honeymoon to Isla Mujeres and have your own private ceremony together on the beach.
Post # 4
Is your Future Mother-In-Law paying for you wedding? If not, she doesn’t get any say in the location.
Also, just remember that if you give into her for this (assuming she is not contributing a hefty amount monetarily), you are setting yourselves up to be trampled throughout your life.
Just wait until you have kids and she starts telling you how to raise them, what you are doing wrong as a mother, etc.
Post # 5
I think I would have a harder time if the sole reason I wasn’t was because of a family member. I’m not having a dream wedding because I’m unwilling to go into debt for it. I can have my dream wedding OR I can pay for my wedding in cash, not both. I made a choice and so I feel like that makes it easier to let go.
Post # 6
@Mrs. Louboutin: Shes not paying for any of it, We are actually paying for them to go. I know I should stand up for myself and my Fiance was super excited too, but we cant just have the wedding without his mom. I just wouldnt feel right about it 🙁
@Theresa90405: That seems like a pretty good idea, it would at least give me a chance to wear my dress again lol
Post # 7
@HoneyBear: If you are paying her airfare and her entire way, then what is the problem?
Post # 8
She is freaked out about flying and she is just a big drama queen in general. I feel like she is just doing it because she has nothing better to do. She has no job, so she just sits at home all day thinking about how to ruin my wedding day (lol, ok maybe thats a lil dramatic heh)
…but it still might be true
Post # 9
ugh, what an awful situation. Do you really think she would refuse to go? I mean, when it all was said and done, she would miss her son’s wedding because it wasn’t in a location she liked?
I think that if she would really actually be a no-show, that speaks a lot about the actual relationship she and her son and have, and what you are getting into long term and this needs to be hashed out ASAP.
I just can’t believe she really wouldn’t come, what does your Future Father-In-Law say?
Post # 10
If your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t paying and she’s the only reason you wouldn’t do the Destination Wedding, then I think you should stand up for yourself and have your dream wedding.
However, my ideal wedding would have been a smallish one in some kind of funky venue. but because of my parents’ wishes and guest list, we ended up having a huge wedding in a hotel ballroom. I kind of resented it at first and my mom and I clashed a lot about our ideas for the wedding, but eventually I realized that my true “dream wedding” including making my parents happy. Though if it had been my in-laws pushing for things to go their way, I might have felt differently. So I guess you have to weigh how much your FMIL’s input means to you and what you’re willing to compromise on.
For what it’s worth, I don’t regret anything about my wedding, but I did end up standing my ground on a couple of things that were non-negotiable to me.
Post # 11
@HoneyBear: Sweetie, it’s your wedding day. It isn’t your FMIL’s day. You are going above and beyond to cater to her already. If she loves her son, she will be there on his wedding day. Put your foot down firmly, but nicely and say that you and Fiance have been dreaming about this day on the beach and that you truly hope that she can make it, but that if she didn’t you both would be very disappointed. (Make no mention of changing the wedding location).
Post # 12
You don’t. If your Fiance is ok with his mother not being there (out of her own choice) – you have your dream wedding and perhaps do a different celebration with FI’s mom.
She may have a valid fear of flying (how did Fiance not know this, if it really was true), then so be it. It’s her loss (they do have anxiety meds for people who need to fly).
Again – you and Fiance need to be on the same page about it…. but I hope you get your dream Destination Wedding and Future Mother-In-Law decided to move past HER issues and attend.
Post # 13
Is she afraid of flying? Has she given a reason? Perhaps you can get married there and have a huge reception in Texas?
We are sort of having a dream wedding. It is definitely more people than we wanted. I wanted to be in the intimate wedding category (75 or less) instead we have about 88 confirmed yeses. Hopefully someone won’t show I suppose….. That’s so bad right lol?!
Post # 14
Do you think she would go through with missing her son’s wedding?
My mom tried to have us change our minds as well because she’s really afraid of flying… She never said she wouldn’t come, but she made it clear that she didn’t really want to go and would rather have us have the wedding back home. I gave her the choice between coming to our Destination Wedding or watching the pictures.
Now, I would have never have had our wedding without my mother there. Had she had a really good reason not to come, we would have adapted. But it was not the case, and I bluffed a little by saying we would absolutely not change our minds… Because I knew she wouldn’t miss it for the world and it would end the debate.
So, if you and your Fiance think she would not miss it even if she threathens not to come, our method could be worth the shot.
Post # 15
@oracle: She has anxiety, but its not neccesarily about flying. She just has anxiety in general. She flew out of the state for a funeral, so she technically will fly, but im wondering if she is gonna make a huge deal about it and ‘make’ herself have a terrible time.
I mean technically its not my problem if she has a bad time, thats her own choice, and Fiance and I just had a talk about it about an hour ago. He decided he really wants to do it on the beach, he is confident he can talk his mom into going. He also said that if she doesnt go, its not the end of the world. There will be plenty of family to love and support us there.
We will probably end up having a nice dinner when we get back, nothing too formal or anything, and hopefully his mom will be IN the pictures instead of just looking at them. I think she would really regret it.
Post # 16
I’m SO glad that your boy has your back on this one!
To be honest, from an outsider looking in, it just makes her seem incredibly selfish and manipulative.
I can’t imagine she wouldn’t go to her own son’s wedding (especially if cost is not an issue or inability to fly)… I think she was probably throwing her weight around to see if you two would relent and let her have her way! And I’m SO glad that you’re not going to do that!!!
You are such a gracious person. I would have been FURIOUS if my Future Mother-In-Law issued me with that sort of ultimatum.