(Closed) Are you engaged if…

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: You are engaged when

    he has proposed

    he has proposed and presented a ring

    other and I'll post about it

  • Post # 47
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I voted proposal and ring.

    It doesn’t have to be an expensive ring.

    DH and I had discussed marriage and a timeline about six months before he formally proposed. I knew it was coming. I knew we were getting married. However, I didn’t consider myself engaged until he proposed with the ring. 

    Post # 48
    2055 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I feel there’s a difference between what men and women think as “officially engaged” 

    women tend to get excited and start planning because “we live together and IM planning so we might as well be engaged” and men seem to think until they present a ring and ask it’s NOT official. 

    for me, I need a proposal and a ring (doesn’t have to be expensive) but something to seal the deal. 

    Post # 50
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    We were engaged when we mutually decided that we were going to get married and told our parents that we were engaged. We decided together that we would wait to get a ring so that we could use an heirloom stone from my family and go shopping for the perfect setting together. I am not a fan of elaborately planned proposals as I am not that much of a romantic, so for me a real commitment and a “YES” on both sides = engagement. An engagement ring is not a requirement for an engagement. 

    Post # 51
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @ieatunicorns:  I think it depends on your definition of proposal. Does a proposal mean someone explicitly asking “will you marry me?” or can a proposal just be someone saying” we should get married” and the other agreeing? Because if a proposal requires the “will you marry me,” I don’t think it’s necessary. However, I do think there needs to be an agreement between the couple that yes, they are getting married.

    Post # 52
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @ieatunicorns:  I voted he proposes, but really as long as there is A proposal. Personally, I proposed to Fiance. Granted I gave him a ring, but still, at that moment we were engaged. Many people in real life didn’t consider it official until he gave me my ring. Funnily enough, on the bee, I was flamed for calling it a proposal because we were already engaged, it was a “ring presentation.” When people ask now, I just say that I proposed and he gave me my ring later.

    Post # 53
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    If the couple are committed to marriage, they’re engaged. It doesn’t necessarily need to be “do you want to marry me?”. Let’s assume a couple had been talking about getting married for a while, but sth. was always “in the way” (no money, living abroad, whatever). at some point later, they feel everything is now as it should be – they’ve just moved back home, saved enough money, whatever. If they discuss this and thon proceed to wedding planning, they are engaged without anyone ever having truly proposed. What else would they be? They’re married a year from now, so surely they’re engaged no matter the proposal…

    Post # 55
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @ieatunicorns:  I think you’re engaged once you decide to get married and start realistically planning it. I did want the proposal/ring but considered myself “unofficially” engaged before that because we had discussed marriage and decided to spend the rest of our lives together. I think planning for our furture together was much more important than him buying me a ring. I know tons of people who got married without a ring. 

    Post # 56
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    How can you be engaged if you’re not engaged? To change the status, someone needs to ask. Fuck a ring, but a conversation needs to take place. Engagement isn’t assumed. That doesn’t even make sense to me. 

    Post # 57
    86 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @MissMarple:  It was just a little jokey. 🙂

    Post # 58
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Hired hall

    I think you’re engaged whenever both parties have made a conscious and mutual decision that you will definitely get married. However that decision may come about is up to the couple, and doesn’t necessarily need to involve getting down on one knee and presenting a ring. However, if a formal “proposal” hasn’t happened, I wouldn’t personally consider someone engaged until they’ve set a date. At that point, it’s pretty much definite and can’t be disputed, whether or not there’s a ring lol. I didn’t consider myself engaged until Fiance had proposed, but that’s because while we had discussed marriage as a “one day in the future” kind of thing before that, it wasn’t for certain for us til the proposal

    Post # 59
    3315 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    As far as I’m concerned, you are engaged if the two of you have agreed that you are engaged and going to get married.  Neither a formal proposal nor a ring is required.

    Post # 60
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I see this along the same lines as “We’re not NOT trying for a baby,” and “I proposed to her and gave her a ring 2 years ago, but we’ve never planned the wedding.” If you aren’t preventing, you’re trying, albeit passively. If you’re “Engaged” but after a few months, you aren’t at all planning your wedding, you’re not engaged – you’re dating with a ring involved.

    There are clearly-defined things that need to happen in order for an engagement to be a real. In my books, the giving of a ring is not necessary. An engagement is simply: “I want to marry you and I would like to actively begin planning our wedding and marriage.” “Me too.”

    It gets into very muddy water when couples do everything shy of having the bended knee and ring. If you are actively planning your wedding/elopement, I consider the couple engaged…whether or not he has asked, “Will you marry me?” or given her a ring.

    But, the sad thing is, many couples are loathe to come out as engaged at that point, or even to consider themselves engaged, for one reason:

    Friends and family asking the dreaded, “Where’s the ring?”

    So, despite being engaged for all other purposes, they hide until it’s “official.”



    Post # 61
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I disagree with quite a few people. My fiance and I talked about marriage, A LOT before we got “engaged”. Just because we had the conversation about wanting to both get married and spending the rest of our lives together, we definitely did NOT consider ourselves “engaged” at that point for several reasons. 

    1) We just talked about it and agreed upon feelings etc, so he could start picking out rings, talking with our parents etc. (this didn’t mean I was going to start planning a wedding yet!!)

    2) He absolutely asked for my fathers blessing. I would never consider myself engaged unless my parents had been asked, and his parents were also very aware of what we wanted to do.

    3) He bought a ring. He told me he bought the ring but he still hadn’t “proposed”. Were we engaged? No, not yet.

    4) When he got down on one knee and told me I was his world yadadada and put that pretty shiny ring on my finger, were we engaged? Yes. And that is when we told everyone we were engaged. 

    In my opinion, maybe we come from a different society than most, if we were to have said we were engaged BEFORE he proposed every single person would have said… “So how did he propose? Let me see the ring!!” I think thats just how our society, social circle, and family is. It can obviously be different in other places, but thats how it is where I am from.

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