(Closed) Are you engaged if…

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: You are engaged when
    he has proposed : (174 votes)
    60 %
    he has proposed and presented a ring : (90 votes)
    31 %
    other and I'll post about it : (26 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 77
    Member
    437 posts
    Helper bee

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  +100

    No ring but set a date and actively planning = engaged

    No set date but ring and proposal = engaged

    If you have to ask, you’re not engaged. And if you feel like your not even able to have a conversation about it definately not engaged!

    Being on the Bee has definately opened my eyes to how many men play mind games with their partners reg the engagement/proposal.

    Post # 79
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    i think if he has proposed to marry you then you are engaged. i think a ring is a nice visual symbol of that commitment to marry but it’s not necessary

    Post # 80
    Member
    12207 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    When a couple agree to be married, they are, by definition, engaged.  They may not have made the news public, but they are engaged nevertheless. 

    Post # 81
    Member
    4655 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Not everyone does things the same way. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if we did? And the whole proposal with ring thing is so new historically and doesnt even exist in many parts of the world. As far as I can tell you are engaged when both partners have agreed to marry… No further rituals or tokens needed. I personally like them (rituals and tokens) and Darling Husband wanted to make that happen… But my parents became engaged after a casual discussion in which they decided to get married. I consider that position no less engaged than someone who was presented with a diamond ring at disneyland under the fireworks.

    Post # 82
    Member
    7434 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @allyfally:  This.

    I don’t think there really needs to be a proposal or a ring. If two people have mutually agreed to get married I consider them engaged.

    Post # 83
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think the only thing necessary to an engagement is a decision made by the couple that they are in agreement that they are actively planning to marry in some discrete future (even if that future may be more or less distant), not in some “someday when we get married” kind of way that often denotes that you’re both thinking of spending your lives together but there has been no clear and absolute conversation/decison.

    This decision making can be in the form of a proposal and acceptance, or a conversation and mutual agreement.

    A ring does not equal engagement.

    Planning does not equal engagement. (given that one party can be planning and the other have no idea whatsoever).

    Also….I’m really surprised (and saddened, if I’m honest) that so many posters think that a ring is a pre-requistite for engagement.  Perhaps to them (which is cool)..but certainly not as a generalization.

    Post # 84
    Hostess
    8146 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Some cultures don’t do engagement rings. I would say as long as there is a promise, I’m engaged. A ring DOES help seal the deal though!

    Post # 85
    Member
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I voted “when he has proposed” however for me personally, having the ring would make it official

    Post # 86
    Member
    9493 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted “when he has proposed” but I would hope the ring would be coming very soon after if he didn’t have it at the time. I personally would not have announced an engagement without a ring…too awkward.

    I do not consider living together, buying a house, talking about getting married, or anything else of that sort to be “engaged” or “pre-engaged” (wherever that term came from…). “Will you marry me” needs to come out of someone’s mouth IMO.

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