Post # 1
I’m not sure exactly what I’m trying to say. There are two girls I’ve been friends with almost my whole life, they’re my BMs, and I always considered them best friends. But I was thinking about it and I’m not sure how truly close we are.
we hang out every weekend, text frequently, I know most things about them and vice versa. They’re always excited and supportive over good things (like my engagement), but in bad times I’m not sure.
Like when Fiance and I were long distance – he’d visit for a week and then leave, and id not see him for months and months at a time. I remember crying about it once and the girls just looked so uncomfortable and like they didn’t want to be there. Aren’t your best girlfriends supposed to be the ones you can cry to?
We talk a lot and I do alway text them when I’m sad, as they do with me, but their comforting usually ends at “aww, it’ll be ok! Lets get a drink to cheer you up!”
Maybe I’m thinking too much but it seems like everyone else has girlfriends who are so right and always there to lean on and give hugs and be there when you cry in bad times but I’m not sure I have that. Does this mean they’re not truly friends?? do you have that?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Nope. I am not good with dealing with other ladies. I say what I mean and I mean what I say and often I come off abrasive to other women. The older I get the more I realize that it’s not as common as TV would have you think for groups of women to get together and cry (the real world is not Sex and the City.) They do get together and go out but I think most of the emotional connection pretty much stops there.
Post # 4
I am, but I sometimes feel like it’s one sided since I dont have relationship problems. My closest friends live out-of-state and I swear, 90% of our conversations are about their relationships! They always call me and ask for advice, which is fine but kind of gets draining. I wonder what we’ll have to talk about if/when they ever have stable, conflict-free relationships…
Post # 5
See I am good with women, I get along well with them all and I’ve known them my whole life. In good times they’re great, I’m just not sure if not being able to be completely open with them in bad times means we arent as close as I thought. I feel like it makes them uncomfortable or annoyed.
Post # 6
@SadMrsToBe: I have tried for a very long time to have “girlfriends” and it just hasnt worked out. I am very quiet unless spoken to and when I do talk I try very hard to be complimentary of folks and kind. I also really enjoy making people laugh.
About a year ago, we moved back home and I was able to reconnect with a good female friend of mine and got to meet her group of gals. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I thought this would be an oppertunity for me to make some girlfriends. But pretty much by the third time I hung out with them, I was feeling excluded and gossiped about, almost as if they were mocking me by having me there. The mutual good friend who introduced me seems totally oblivious to it.
I have asked my boyfriend to observe me interacting with them when we go out to see if there is something I’m doing to put them off and he swears up and down he doesnt see it. He says we all seem like pals until I turn my back to walk away and he then sees some not-so-friendly looks/laughing/whispering. So we decided to simply stop hanging out with them.
The only theory he seems to have is “jealousy”. He has been with me nearly every time we have hung out and I’ve asked him to be very honest in his assesment, and what he finally came back with was “I dont see what you could be doing. The ONLY thing I think it could be is jealousy.”
At first I denied it, but now his theory seems to hold water: in the interest of full-disclosure, I am a good bit more attractive than any one of them. I’m more articulate, more “put together” and tend to get more attention when we are out. I do not drink to excess like they all do, so the opinion of me isnt “sloppy” and I remain poised the entire evening. I’m also in a great relationship while all of them but one are single with no men actively chasing them.
It really hurt my feelings that I was being so nice and still getting treated like my former fat self back in school. After Boyfriend or Best Friend and my talk, I still tried for a bit to make them like me, but Boyfriend or Best Friend finally talked me out of it.
So no, I dont have any “emotionally close” friends, and to be honest as much as that group acts like they love eachother, I know for a fact that they secretly cut eachother down. I think many tight group of gals you see like that may operate the same way.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I am lucky enough to have two girlfriends who I can cry to at any moment. They’ve been with me through the dating scene, picked me up off the floor when I split with my ex, cheered me up and cheered me on as Mr. Lk and I became a couple, and gave me a stern talking to when I was needlessly fretting about stuff. And I am so lucky that I’ve been able to return the favor.
All that said, our friendship has definitely changed as we’ve all transitioned from “girlfriend” to “wife” status. We’re less likely to discuss relationship issues because we’re all of the “keep conflict within the marriage” mindset. If we ever truly needed to bare our souls to one another, we could. Girl code says that when a girlie is in true need, you drop everything and go to her. Our girl code is strong. But it’s not something we’ve needed to invoke often in the last few years.
Post # 8
@SadMrsToBe: I really only have one girlfriend that I’m emotionally close to. In a lot of ways, our friendship reminds me of a good romantic relationship. I know she’s in it for the long-haul so we can call each other out and know the other won’t take offense. We’ve both cried to each other, shared our more intimate & embarrassing concerns.
Actually, I have a couple other friends like that, but they live far away and we’re only that kind of close because we were on a mission team together for a year and there were all these ways they encouraged “intimacy” (for lack of a better term) within our gender groups. We sort of had to bear our souls to each other and lived, worked & played together 24/7 during a very challenging experience. One of them will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for me and I know, even though we probably will have gone 2 years without seeing each other at that point, if I’m a total basket case who hates my body and everything about myself, she’ll be able to jump into the worst of it. If I need someone to smooth back fat while yanking on a lace-up dress like their life depended on it- she’s my girl. Hell, I once prayed over her ass (literally) when the extreme constipation we all were experiencing led her to tear her anal wall. Ain’t no secrets with that girl.
Post # 9
Unfortunately I don’t have close girlfriends anymore. When I was younger I had a few very close friends but now since my bestie moved across the country I don’t really have that go to person.
I lost her when she began dating her now Darling Husband. We saw each other everyday and talked about everything. Then in a matter of months she got pregnant and married after only knowing this person for 6 months. I felt like she was just not the girl who i grew up with anymore. Then she moved; we mainly text about how cute her baby is. We have nothing in common anymore. I really wish I had girlfriends who I could be super close with.
Post # 10
@SadMrsToBe: I’m going to be brutally honest with you, Sad One. Re-read your past threads. You’re a sad sack! You are wearing your friends out with your negativity.
You are the common denominator in these friendships. Doubtless these ladies care about you a great deal or they’d have dumped you by now.
I’m certain you are a lovely, lovely person. The problem is, even in your brief enumerations on the Bee I can tell, loud and clear, that you have low self-esteem and you don’t believe you are a lovely, lovely person. You constantly put yourself down.
That’s the answer as to why your friends are distancing you emotionally, because they feel they can’t cheer you up, no matter how hard they try.
Big hugs! I hope I wasn’t too harsh!! Intending to be helpful here.
Post # 11
I am lucky enought to have half a dozen girlfriends I could cry to and feel very close with. I don’t know why some people have an easier time making good strong connections
Post # 12
@lovekiss: This sounds like me with a few of my girlfriends. We’ve definitely had our times of needing to vent and crying to each other as we worked through difficult times in our lives. It never happened often but we were always there for each other to talk through things when it did.
We are all married now and also have the mindset of “keep conflict within the marriage” but I also know that if anything came up where I needed them, they’d be there.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’m kind of like that. I have a good number of close girlfriends, but for some reason I still feel a barrier up about my deep emotions and all that. I’ve always been like that – I love to spend time with friends and chat about everything, but I don’t want to bare my soul.
My Fiance is really the only person who I feel comfortable crying to and that kind of thing. We’ve been either friends or in love for 15 years, so he really is far and away my best friend.
Post # 14
@beachbride1216: I am the exact same way. I come across too honest and harsh to most women and honestly a lot of the times I just don’t wanna deal with the BS and drama that seems to come up with women. I keep my women friends at arms length emotionally.
Post # 15
I immediately get red flags when people talk about women just being drama. i am sorry but if the women in your life are all drama then either you have the wrong people in your life or you yourself are drama. The friendships I have are drama free, they are strong and deep connections that will last until the grave, they are with amazing and strong women that I respect and adore. If you find friendships with women too hard, you need to look at what kind of friend you are.
This is not directed at the OP, but at the responses you are receiving!
Post # 16
@SadMrsToBe: No I’m not all that emotionally close to my friends. We do commiserate with each other when we’re going through frustrating things or annoyed at something, but not so much when we’re sad about something. We act more as a sounding board for each other to vent frustrations and offer advice…but we don’t cry on each other’s shoulders or anything like that. Most of my really low moments are reserved for sharing with my FI or my parents because it’s hard for me to be really vulnerable with anyone but them. Sometimes I’ll tell my friends about something after it’s already been resolved and dealt with, but when I’m really sad and need a shoulder I pretty much never turn to them. It used to be that way, but the older I get the less I want them in my business.