(Closed) Are you having kids at your wedding? How do you not invite them?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

we only have a handful of kids on our guestlist, so we’ll most likely have under a dozen.

i agree with deluct22- “adult only reception” should be in the invitation somewhere.

Post # 19
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would put,

“After the ceremony, your loud-ass children are not welcome to my booze, because they can’t hold their liquor.”

Hmph.

Post # 21
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s totally fine to not have kids ate your wedding, it’s apparently the popular opinion on thebee. Everyone has great, tactful ways to word it. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person happy to have children at each of our wedding celebrations! We’re both in education so maybe that has something to do with it 🙂

Post # 22
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Im having kids at mine, I have kids and my youngest sister is 5 so saying No kids would be hypocritical. about 1/3 of our guests are children and i know them all really well ( its a small wedding and we visit them alot) Im really excited to have them there, and if they get out of hand there is a big back area they can run around it and not tear apart the decor haha

Post # 23
Member
6257 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I can’t imagine not having them, but since I’m young, none of my friends have kids yet, so it’s all first cousins, and three others that are children are cousins. It’s still about 30 probably, but they will keep to themselves. If mine behaved like that I would definitely have an adults only reception though!

Post # 24
Member
18 posts
Newbee

For mine I’m just simply by word of mouth letting people subtley know we are limiting the guest list. People are usually courteous but it does get difficult to navigate because of being afraid of hurt feelings :/ don’t worry though it will work out 🙂

Post # 25
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee

You not invite them by just inviting those guests that you want at the event.  You should never mention who is NOT invited. 

It is not the most polite to write “Adults only, or no children”, I also don’t think it is necessary.  Most people will get the jist of the invite, and reply accordingly.  If those who are dense reply with children included, simply follow up with those guests directly, and privately.

I have seen it mentioned in this and almost every other thread on this same topic, that you must have a consistent rule.  You do not have to.  It is not a point of etiquette, but something that people use because it is easier for them.  But don’t feel that you have to.

At my wedding I invited children that I was close to (one family) and allowed one friend to bring her 4 week old son, but not her 3 year old daughter.  None of my other relatives or friends were invited with their children.

Post # 26
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That is a TON of kids. I have babysat at weddings for around 10 kids with 2 adults. If it was less you could pay some family friends to help out. HiPeople with young kids will not stay very long, they need to go to bed. I’d say not all of them will bring their children either. I work with kids and that still seems intense.

Post # 27
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

We just addressed the invite to the parents and set the age limit at 18+, then set the RSVP limit to 2 per invite.  Due to the nature of our reception (late night with open bar), I didn’t feel it was child appropriate.  When I explained to the parents that I didn’t want their children in a “bar” atmosphere, they all understood and no one was upset.  You could also look into setting up sitters/activities for the children that day.

Post # 28
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@undercover92:  We made it so our RSVP cards read

X seats have been reserve for John and Jane Doe

___ Accept with Joy

___ Decline with Regret

Names of X invited above attending:

 

We also included a note in our invitation that read ‘Due to the reverence of the ceremony and as the reception will extend late into the evening, children under the age of 5 will not be accomidated at the wedding or reception”

We had a year to plan our wedding so when we started planning I personally called everyone with small children and informed them months ahead of our decision so they could find a babysitter for the night.

Post # 29
Member
2267 posts
Buzzing bee

We are not having children at our wedding and will be addressing each invitation to each person invited, most people understand that if the child’s name is not there, or the term ‘and family’ is absent, the children are not welcome.

We are also not allowing infants, which means, when the time comes, some people may not be able to make – which would be fine with me. I don’t expect them to leave their children if they do not want to, just as they cannot expect me to invite them when I want an adults only affair.

Perhaps speak to the people/couples with children, so they know as far in advance as possible that they cannot bring them. If they have an issue with it, just keep repeating “I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible”. 

It’s your day. Not theirs.

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