(Closed) are you inviting co-workers?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m also wondering about this. I have about 15-20 people in my department but are only close with about half. I never see them outside of work but they always ask about my wedding and I want them to be there. Everyone knows I’m getting married… It’s the other half I worry about. I don’t want them to be upset that they weren’t invited while others were- but the truth is I don’t want them there!

I feel if you are close with all 7 of them, you either have to invite them all or none. If there are only a select few out of the 7 that you are MORE close with, then just invite those.

It’s a tricky situation!

Post # 3
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

in your case, I would either invite them all or invite none, especially you do things in a group unless you are closer to a few than others…

But it looks like you have tight budget also.  I will just not invite them and if they ask, just say it’s going to be a small gathering with family and a few close friends.  Fiance and you decided not to invite coworkers at this point.  Sorry!

I am only inviting to a couple coworkers that I am close with.  The rest are “friendly” professional relationship so I am not inviting them. They can get upset all they want (althou I don’t think they care much since they don’t have to spend extra money to my wedding :P) but I am just here to work really. 

And to avoid awkwardness, I don’t really mention about my wedding details much, date and whatnot…so I kept hinting my guestlist is very tight and already fighting with both moms to get the guestlist down.  They know I am having difficulty so no one “self-invite” at this point. 

Good luck!

 

ETA: if you do decide to invite only a handful out of the 7, I would let them know not everyone in the office got an invite so you would really appreciate them if they keep the wedding invite private to avoid awkwardness to the rest of the people.

Post # 4
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In your case, I’d have to say invite all or none. 

I work directly with only one other person, my boss, whom we have been social with outside of work, and he’d be destroyed if he and his wife were not invited lol.  So I am inviting him and his wife, our retail division’s boss and his wife whom Fiance and I also get along really well with, and who I have a great work relationship with him (and I adore his wife, she’s a gem), and I am extending courtesy invites to our controller and his wife and the owner and his wife, only because I am 100% sure they will decline.  There are 4 other couples that will not be getting an invite.  And I will explain to them that we just can’t afford it, it’s not personal.  Now, IF we get a lot of no RSVP;s then I may consider opeing up the invitiation later, if they really want to come, but I have extended family that’s not invited due to space restrictions, so they will be invited first over co workers I never see outside of office hours!

Guest list sucks, I think so far it’s the worst part of planning.

Post # 5
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m having a similar issue with a REALLY tight guestlist (75 people). I work closely with about five people, but I’m only super close with 2 of them. I decided to only invite these two and no sig others for them. Luckily, they are super close and can be eahcother’s company. However, I would love to celebrate with the others some other way! Any suggestions?

Post # 6
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had a similar problem with my theater troupe – we have 7 people and each of them have partners, so it would be a total of 14 extra guests. I felt like it had to be all or none, because to invite a few people from the troupe and not the others would be awkward. 

I think you have to weigh your feelings as well as your relationship with them.  Would you stay in touch with them if you left the company? Does your Fiance know them and have they made an effort to get to know him?  Will your wedding feel incomplete if they aren’t there to share it with you?

I decided to invite my whole troup, all 7 + guests, because I really wanted them there to celebrate my Fiance and I’s marriage.  But if you feel like you’re just inviting your coworkers out of obligation: don’t.  But you should also probably stop talking to them about the wedding if you’re not going to invite them.

Post # 7
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

All or none.

We have around 20 people in our office. I only like three of them and that includes my Fiance. In fact, I can’t stand most of the people I work with, it’s a very hostile environment a good bit of the time. That being said, I am inviting the two others that I like, so I have to invite everyone else.

Not to mention, I work for a foreign company and it would be very offensive to them if I didn’t invite. My boss even asked if he could go on SYTTD with me!

Post # 8
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Neither of us is inviting co-workers.

Post # 9
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Well the usual criterion people use is whether they socialize outside the office. If you’ve never invited these folks to your home it seems a little weird to invite them to your wedding, but I guess that depends on how big your wedding is going to be. I wanted a more intimate wedding and I’m getting married in another state so I’m definitely not inviting co-workers, and I’m relieved not to have to deal with the issue. I figure they can’t be offended about not being invited to a wedding they’d have to fly to. If I were getting married in my town, my boss would be INCREDIBLY offended not to be invited, but I really wouldn’t want him there. (My boss and “open bar” DO NOT MIX.) Heck he may still be offended, but oh well.

I have some former co-workers who are now friends who I see regularly outside the office, and they are invited. I’m actually relieved I don’t work witih them anymore for this reason! If it’s a small group, I think it’s impossible to invite some and not others.

Post # 10
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I am inviting my co-workers and their SOs.  I really enjoy working with them and I spend 40 hours a week with these people.  They are so supportive and I am glad to have them there.  But I made sure to invite all of them, not just pick and choose among the group.  (There are six of them, then each can bring an SO.)

If you don’t end up inviting them, try not to discuss wedding things unless asked by them.  And don’t discuss too much.

Post # 11
Bee
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

We don’t have the guest list space for co-workers but if we did, I think I’d only want to invite two on my side (and they’re actually former co-workers now!) We have super tight super small office of six but I frankly don’t subscribe to the idea that you have to invite everyone in a group. I know it’s not the proper ettiquette but we’re doing our own thing in that regard.

The mister has way more co-workers that would likely be invited, but again, there’s no way we could do everyone — that would be a TON of people!

I think that if you can’t invite all of them, and that makes you uncomfortable, then skip them, but if there are a few that you are extra close to, then go for it. A former co-worker of mine is getting married this summer and I didn’t make the invite cut despite others in the office being invited — and I seriously don’t mind at all. I understand. I’ve even talked weddings with her, knowing that I’m not invited!

Post # 12
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I only invited the people I enteract with on a day to day basis. The boys in the warehouse? Nope. But the guys I eat lunch with everyday and see talk to daily? Yeah, I had to. Just them and their wives/husbands. No children

Post # 13
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We aren’t inviting co-workers.

Post # 14
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Both my Fiance and I are inviting some co-workers. The ones we are inviting are the ones we hang out with outside of work and who we consider friends, more than just in the work place. I personally work on a small staff- 12 people, but I’m just not that close with all of them so don’t feel comfortable inviting them all. The few I am inviting know that they are the only ones invited and aren’t bringing it up around our other coworkers.

Post # 15
Member
14445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We didnt invite any coworkers we didnt truely consider friends that we see outside of work also.

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