Post # 1
Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves with no financial help from family.
We were talking to his mum yesterday and she asked to see the guest list. She got upset saying ‘you mean you aren’t inviting (insert her friend’s name here), or (insert another of her friend’s name here) or even (insert another of her friend’s name here)?
Is this the norm? Should we be inviting her friends?
Just want to include that her and my partner’s dad are divorced. My partner’s dad has a new wife and will be bringing her along. Both of his parents know a lot of family coming (aunts, cousins etc etc). Not sure if that changes it as she doesn’t have a partner? Just panicking a bit with our budget!!
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
worriedbeehere11 : no. Nothing doing. Absolutely not. She’s not helping financially – and it’s not her day. I’d let her bring a guest, though.
Post # 3
My parents are paying about 25% of the wedding and we’re paying the rest. No help from my fiances side.
That being said we told both sets of parents they could invite friends. My side is inviting like 30 friends or so and his parents arent inviting any. They just keep saying dont waste a plate on someone you dont really know (i think its a money thing since theyre not helping out)
Usually, youre only obligated to invite friends if the parents are helping pay, but if your parents are really upset that there friends arent there I would try and find a way…Because its a celebration for both you and your families and they want to be able to share the day with their friends too!
Post # 4
My parents are paying for 50% of all wedding expenses – nothing from his side. I thought it only fair to invite some of their friends, but honestly, I’m so close with my parents that their friends really are my friends too.
Our budget allowed my fiance to invite 60ish people. Some of those 60 people are friends of his parents since his parents asked, and he didn’t give a crap XD
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
worriedbeehere11 : I would say that unless you (or in this case your FI) has a personal and meaningful relationship with said friend, no.
She should of course get a +1 but she isn’t entitled to invite people to an event she is not hosting.
Post # 6
We paid for our wedding also and allowed our parents to invite a couple of friends (essentially 3-4 couples to fill the tables they were sitting at) a piece. It worked out well – and we still had plenty of room for our friends. But agree with PP- it’s totally your call. Congratulations!
Post # 7
You absolutely do not have to invite friends of your parents to your wedding, especially if they’re not paying for any of it. It is YOUR wedding and it makes no sense to spend money on guests you’re not even close with.
I would, however, give her a plus-one.
Post # 8
If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding, then just include your mom and dad and their significant other. Let them know that this is an intimate wedding affair. Let them know that you are strict on the budget.
I’m having a small wedding. I am inviting just my family and his. And maybe a few friends. It will only be around 30-40. And we are sticking with that. My family will understand. We are paying.
Post # 9
worriedbeehere11 : No pay, no say. You have your budget restrictions, so invite who you want/need to be there, and do not feel obligation to invite your family’s friends. Oftentimes you probably won’t even know these “friends.” When they complain, you just say that the guest list has been created to be in line with the budget and has the amount you can host.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Agree that since you are paying, you are under no obligation to invite their friends.
For me, my parents are paying, and I grew up in a very tight knit community where I know their friends extremely well and they are almost like family members – have seen me grow up. For those 2 reasons they are inviting many of their friends and I am excited about it.
My FH moved around a fair amount growing up and his parents don’t have as many long-term friends so they aren’t really inviting any.
Post # 11
Just wanted to say that we let my former Mother-In-Law invited all her friends and it was super weird. They didnʻt even really talk to us, it was like they all had their own pow-wow on the side at the reception so no, keep it to people you REALLY want there and if the guest list is smaller, spend the money on upgrades 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
If your parents aren’t contributing financially, you do not have to have their friends. Sure, if you’re comfortable or it’s in the budget. But sharing the night with family should be enough.
Post # 13
Our rule was “if you want to invite x then you pay for x” we weren’t going to pay for extra people we didn’t even know
Post # 14
We let our parents invite some of their friends provided that we knew them, they paid for them, and we had space at our venue.
Post # 15
worriedbeehere11 : we are. But we drew the line at friends we don’t know.
But those we are inviting have been around our whole lives. So they’re basically family anyway.