(Closed) Are you inviting someone to your wedding just to avoid hard feelings?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Nope, I’m a B! like that though hahaha.

Post # 18
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

yeah a bunch of relatives

Post # 19
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We are still debating on Fi’s aunt. She is a complete bit**. 

When we first met I smoked cigs and she comes up to me and say, “and you want to have kids?”

Then during easter I brought my best friends kids to my Future Mother-In-Law house for an egg hunt and she was there with her bratty 3 kids (one was 9 and peed on the couch and then tried to hide it with a blanket that Future Mother-In-Law just knitted)  and said to me,” you willingly took 2 kids that werent yours for the day?”

She has said multiple other things but I wont get into it! But now flashforward 5 years to now and she is cheating on her husband and leaves her kids alone all the time!  shes a DB!

 

*FYI I quit smoking 12-9-09  yayyyy for me~!

Post # 20
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yeah, I would probably just invite her in the end. More and more I don’t think weddings are worth the drama. Besides, she’s a regular part of your life, albeit in a limited capacity. What does it “prove” to not invite her? Unless her presence at your wedding would actively cause you unhappiness, it’s easier to ignore her that one day that deal with the stress/drama all the other days afterwards!

This was my rationale recently when considering whether or not to “forget” to include a bridesmaid I found out completely bitched me out beyond my back THE WEEK after my mom died about overblown events from FOUR MONTHS prior… I figure, she’s still in my circle of friends, and I’m still going to see her all the time and would be including her as a guest at the wedding anyway. Does stripping her of “bridesmaid status,” whatever that implies, really accomplish anything? Nope, it’s just retaliation for her bad behavior. Instead, I made a point of calling her to meet for lunch and we both acknowledged that there have been a few awkward moments in the last few months and we are happily looking forward to a shopping day together this spring. More happy, more win for everyone involved!

(Edit — usual caveats — this is with space and budget allowing.)

Post # 21
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

5 people from work with their spouses that I’m not even friends with and never spend time with outside of work but if I don’t the rumor mill will fly and work will be difficult. One of them is so mean to me she actually brings me to tears!!! Also my SO’s aunts Mother-In-Law and her SIL and her son and boyfriend. He doesn’t have a big family so we kind of have to invite everyone. I put my foot down in inviting them all to my bridal shower though…

All together 14 people are coming that have invited themselves, are pitty invites, or invites to keep the peace. Wish I would have corralled the guest list from the very beginning but I’m a people pleaser.

Post # 22
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

View original reply
@NYshoppingirl:SAME!! i wanted to invite only 3 of my co-workers…but our group has only 7 people total including me so I just sucked it up and invited all 6. so far 4 of them are coming!! I just dont think its worth it to have hurt feelings for one day…so i just invited everybody.

Post # 23
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think Nno one has a wedding with 100% attendence of only people they want there.

Post # 24
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, even if those 14 people weren’t coming I still have to have my in-laws…. hahahahahaha!! No wedding is perfect, and it sounds like most of us are in the same boat. Sucks don’t it.

Post # 25
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m inviting a girl from my group of college friends who I am not really friends with at all to avoid hurt feelings.  The only times I have talked to her since graduating are when I have seen her at other weddings; in fact, at the last wedding we went to (last April), she spent the whole time complaining about how she wished she hadn’t gone, and kind of ruined it for the rest of us.  Originally I wasn’t going to invite her, because we have a very strict limit on our guestcount due to venue size.  However, we are getting married in the town where she now lives, and all of the rest of our friends are travelling there for the wedding, so I felt bad and ended up inviting her.  I kind of hope she will not attend, though (and that she will send her rsvp back soon—we have a B-list of people we actually talk to who we still want to invite!)

Post # 26
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re inviting FI’s grandma. She’s a horrible woman and once told my Fiance that he’s only here because his mom is allergic to BC.  It’s sad to say, but Fiance has said it many times, if his great grandma passes away before the wedding, we’re not inviting his grandma. His great grandma is the only reason his grandma is invited.

Post # 27
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

There are about 50 ppl on Future In-Laws side I dont know at all, but his grandmother is very old and not doing well, and they are from out of town, so it would be nice to have them all down to see her, and in his family you invite one, you invite them all… they are at lest 60% of our guest list. Thank goodness his parents offered to pay…lol

Also one of the groomsmen I REALLY dislike, but honestly my FH has only 6 real friends, and they are all going to be groomsmen. He is just so weird and disaproves of me to other ppl other than FH (behind my back insulter). Only reason I am NOT saying anything is he is a people pleaser and would not say a word at the wedding unless he wants the rest of the bridal party to turn on them. The rest of the groomsmen consider me like a sister, and very amazing friends. I can hold my tounge for one night (or maybe just give him a rancid steak at the rehersal dinner….)

Post # 28
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

Yup. I wont say who since it’s a small wedding, but I genuinely hope some of the guests don’t show up.

Post # 29
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

50% of the people we are inviting to our wedding our wedding are just invited so we don’t piss anyone off. Most of the people coming are my parents’ friends. in fact, my Fiance and i didn’t even get to invite some of our friends because we had to make way for our parent’s long lost family members and annoying church friends.

It wasn’t worth the battle with our parents, so we just went with it.

Now, we have 222 people coming to a wedding we thought would be 175 MAX!

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