Post # 1
So my mom calls me tonight to ask me if my aunt (my dad’s sister) had called me. No I said.
Apparently when my mom told her that my uncle was invited to the wedding, my aunt flipped out. My aunt and uncle separated about a year or so ago, actually probably closer to 2 years now. Anyway, both are in serious relationships now and I thought had moved on.
My aunt seems to think it is ridiculous of me to invite my uncle (I mean hello he was my uncle for my whole life up until she abruptly left him!). But instead of calling me, she sends me a facebook message telling me to call her ASAP.
I’m so pissed off about this! How does she have the right to try to tell me I can’t invite my uncle to the wedding especially when we are still friends with him. I’m not going to ditch my uncle just because she did.
So aggravated right now. I don’t even want to call her and listen to anything she has to say…….
Post # 3
What do you think you’ll do about her?
Post # 4
i actually can understand why she’d be upset. my uncle (my mom’s bro) split from his wife a few years back. she did some pretty awful things, so it was not an amicable break-up. some family members have chosen to remain friends with his ex-wife. they’ve invited her to family parties and such and it’s very hurtful for him to see his own family members being friends with someone who treated him and their children so badly.
i don’t know the circumstance of your family’s situation, but if they’re on good terms, i see no problem with inviting both of them.
it’s your wedding, so you can invite whoever you want. i’m just playing devil’s advocate 🙂
Post # 5
Your wedding. Your guestlist. She needs to get over it. Let her know that you’re marriage celebration isn’t about her. It’s about you, and the people you want to share it with.
Post # 6
@PinkAndPearls2013: I don’t think you should have to worry about what everyone else thinks. Hopefully, they can behave like grown-up’s at your wedding. It’s just one day!
Post # 7
@lilchicana: I understand that situation. Luckily mine is not like that. I used to spend every weekend at their house growing up because my cousin and I were best friends. My mom actually knew my uncle before my dad because they went to the same high school while my dad and aunt went to the one a town over. My uncle was in the same business as my dad and has the same circle of friends (they actually all just went out to dinner last night, that is when my mom was talking to him about the wedding) So everyone is still very close with my uncle. I thought that everything was civil between them now since there was no real reason for the split, my aunt is just a very selfish person and left him because she got bored. He never did anything like cheat or be abusive. He is really a great guy.
I plan on calling her tomorrow and telling her that I am an adult, it’s my wedding and I can invite whom I want. It’s not like I plan on sitting them with each other anyway!
Post # 8
I wouldn’t call her now either or better yet ignore until the wedding.
I also have a few family members who got divorce but I can’t imagine inviting my cousins and one parent without the other. Yes she does need to grow up. I think the best you can do is not sitting thme together, then tell her you sorry if she can’t make it under those conditions.
Everything I pan on not negotiating on one bit, I always phrase it that way so for example calling because they want a plus one
Oh sorry we don’t have space for your random flavor of the month, we understand if you can’t make it without a plus one.
Someone calling because they want their kid can’t come,
oh sorry you can’t find a babysitter, we understand that you can’t make it without your child,
so I would say something like that ot your aunt(if you feel confident about calling her bluff)
Post # 9
Yeah she needs to build a bridge and get over it.
Post # 10
I don’t think you need to call your aunt back because you don’t owe her an explanation (especially if she sent you a FB message telling you to call her – WTF?). Anyway, I’m glad you’re sticking to your guns on this one. You’re the one getting married and you get to decide who to spend your special day with. If she has a problem with that, then she needs to deal with it.
Post # 11
Your wedding, your invites. Make it clear that this is your & Fiance day and you’ll invite who you want and that you won’t sit them by eachother. If she has a problem with that then she’s welcome to skip the wedding. She’s being a child.
Post # 12
Update: So I left her a message back saying that if what I heard about her being upset was true that I wasn’t going to discuss it. It’s my wedding and I’m going to invite whom I want. She sends me this back:
“That’s fine. I understand and agree completely that these are your choices. We adults have all kinds of these choices to make and then we have to have the foresight to consider the consequences of our choices. I’m not really quite sure what you mean when you are assuming the truth in my comment that I talked to your Uncle Jay – as if you think I’m not being truthful about it and if it is then what would make you think that I would lie to begin with? Do you think that I lie or have lied about something in the past or I’m just generally a liar? Thanks for the additional
punch in the gut. BUT if you want me to put the unresolved issues I have with your uncle aside so that you can have a beautiful wedding, I will gladly do so for your sake.
I will watch as my entire family and the friends we used to have together rubs elbows with the man that destroyed my happiness and my family circle while every eyes me and wonders how I am holding up, taking the attention off of you. I will politely and with sophistication like an adult eat the shit placed before me with a knife and fork and wipe my mouth with the napkin on my lap after every yummy mouthful. All the while knowing that your “uncle” is enjoying every minute of the fact that my “family” invited him to continue being a part of their life in spite of
how I might feel about it. It just keeps getting better and better for him and all with the help of my family. Sure Christina, I will do this for you.
Can’t wait, it’s going to be so much fun!!”
Wow she is being one bitter bitch! I have never had a problem with my aunt before in my whole life. And I don’t even think this has anything to do with me really. I think she is not over what happened and taking it out on me. But I’m not putting up with her b.s. I plan on just ignoring her from now on. I told her she can come if she wants, it’s her choice.
Post # 13
@PinkAndPearls2013: wow! how melodramatic!
I’d say “bitch please, everyone will be looking AT ME, cuz im the bride!”
well.. i wouldn’t say it… but i would definatly think it.
Post # 14
@PinkAndPearls2013: Well damn.
She leaves him and is the angry one?!
Now, I do have to ask this because I would not want to see extra drama come your way: are you inviting their SO’s?
Post # 15
@LuvMySailor: Yes I am planning on inviting their SO’s. They have both been dating their respective SO’s since they broke up. My aunt even seemed confident enough with hers that she brought him over last christmas, all other family holidays, our family reunion, and even to my engagement party. You can see why I thought she had moved on……
Post # 16
She’s nuts. Family is not just blood, when you’re married for that long it’s not divided along the lines of “his” family and “her” family. She can’t seriously be thinking that she would never have to see him again– they have children together! They will forever be bound by that!
I’m sorry OP. That situations sucks. I invited my ex-aunt but not my uncle because I was afraid something like this might happen with my uncle. There’s no “right” thing to do with things like this. I wish you well as family drama is thrown at you.