Are You Leaving Your Children an Inheritance?

posted 5 months ago in Finances
  • poll: Are you planning on leaving your children an inheritance?
    Yes: Divided Equally : (57 votes)
    75 %
    Yes: Some will receive more than others : (6 votes)
    8 %
    No: Im leaving it to others...i.e. charities, family members : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Havent Decided : (11 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    9224 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i know my mom is leaving more to me.  however, my brother has a disability and can’t have over X amount in his account in order to qualify for certain services.  but she set up a special needs trust for him.

    right now, all my beneficiaries are set to go 50% to each child.

    Post # 17
    Member
    623 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    These stories are awful. I’m surprised by the first one, because if there is no will I was under the impression that there were strict laws of intestacy which dictated to the executor of the estate who got what. That was the case with my Dad; no arguing, I was legally obliged to split everything 50/50 with my sibling. I suppose I could have screwed my sibling over by pretending there was less money than there was, since they never asked to view the accounts, but didn’t because I’m not horrible.

    My current plans are to leave stuff to all the friends, families and charites which have meant the most to me. I’d like to think that none of them would go to court over it :-S It may change in future of course if I have children who need providing for.

    I wouldn’t be upset if my Mom spent all her money during her lifetime. It’s not MY INHERITANCE before she’s died – it’s her own money to do what she likes with! In fact, it’s not my inheritance until she declares it as such (either in her will or by legal default if she doesn’t make one). If she chooses to give it all to charity upon her death, I still view it as her right to spend it as she likes.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee

     

    My boys’ trusts are already set up. I am fortunately financially independent.

    Post # 22
    Member
    8282 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    princessanon0125 :  we only have one child at the moment, but we plan on one more. I will divide real estate and cash equally but I will likely spell out specific pieces of jewelry and heirlooms. Before my older sister died my mom always said that I’d be getting one specific diamond ring – my sister would complain that it wasn’t fair but my mom said “tough crap, I’m literally leaving you every single other piece of significant value, but this one is hers”. Obviously it’s moot now and I get it all, but I agree with my mom’s thinking that sentimental items don’t necessarily need to be equal. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    9589 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Hypothetically everything would go to our daughter, or it will be split equally if we have another child.

    But it’s impossible to say what the future holds. My parents divorced a few years ago and I’m sure my father removed me from his will. He was horribly nasty to me and we no longer speak. Fine by me.

    Post # 24
    Member
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I have seen major squabbles in two families, ironically because the parents announced they planned on an even split. One daughter yelled at her Dad, practically bullying him to try to make him change his will. She thought she deserved more because she had done more for them. In the other family, one daughter was disabled and thought she needed the money more than her siblings.

     I would love to give my one child an inheritance while I am still living, but that’s not realistic unless you’re very wealthy. Living people need the money for themselves.

    Post # 25
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    As someone in their mid-twenties, its sad how much of this I’ve witnessed when I was younger with family members. You are so correct, OP, death and money and greed bring out the worst in people.

    Story One – My grandpa passed away rather suddenly (medical emergency that resulted in a coma before taking off life support). While there was a will, but for whatever reason it had to go through probate. My grandpa was survived by some brothers, aunts, kids, grandkids and his 2<sup>nd</sup> wife who brought stepchildren (he adopted them so they would be my like step aunt/uncle) into the family. He had property and a few collectible items worth a lot of money, and it was always said my brother would get one particular item, I would get some things and ultimately it was like his will would be dispersed to grandkids and skip over other family members. I was young when all this occurred, so this is all just what I understood as a teeny teenager.

    Well, the biggest thing is I remember it being a HUGE mess. My mom threw a fit because it ended up that my grandma (grandpa’s 2<sup>nd</sup> wife) got everything and she just took care of what she took care of. I can’t remember how she sold or divided things, but I know we (my brother and I) didn’t get anything we were promised. We didn’t understand at the time, but now that we’re grown up and older it is sad, we didn’t get these items as mementos of our grandpa.  

    Story Two – My great uncle (brother to my grandpa above, big family) and my family got close after my grandpa passed. He was the closest thing we had to our grandpa. He got spinal cancer and went downhill very fast and while I definitely was around for sentimental and caring reasons, the rest of the family (my parents and brother and the siblings, so uncle’s brothers and sisters) swarmed like vultures. At the end of his days, they only came around to try to stake claim to his things. Uncle had a lot, like A LOT of valuable property (farming), a home, equipment, tons of valuable antiques and family relics. Everyone knew he had his will and all that already organized, but no one knew exactly what he included it in. All of the family members assumed he was going to divide the farm into pieces and they could sell it for cash or whatever. My uncle also had a lot of liquid money (he was a bachelor his entire life) so everyone assumed they would get a chunk of it.

    Uncle passed away and gave everything to his friend (lets call him Dave) who helped him around the farm. When I found out, I literally LOLed because my uncle was the type of old man to do just that and let me tell you…. It was HILARIOUS to see how pissed off everyone was to find out they didn’t get a damn thing.

    Moral of my stories – I think my great uncle was super smart in how he left his assets.

    Darling Husband and I don’t have kids yet, but I do assume we would give it to our children and split it equally. However, we would most likely have any money put into certain investment accounts that they couldn’t just easily access and blow. I also do hope we raise our future kids to have sense as to how to handle our estate, assets, etc once we die.

    Post # 26
    Member
    5608 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My in laws wanted to leave a house to both brothers in their will, but they pay the taxes on the house. Bil was supposed to take over the taxes after moving here and settling in, 7 years or so later and he still hasn’t taken the taxes on. We asked them to not leave part of the house to my husband because we don’t want to be responsible for the taxes or for fixing the house up and selling it to split 50/50. My bil has no plans to pay the taxes and I’m not sure what he will do when his parents can’t anymore, but we wanted nothing to do with the house because of that.

    Things definitely change, you just have to keep your will updated as things happen

    Post # 27
    Member
    2103 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    We have no kids and are the youngest on both sides of the family (I am an only child and my husband has an older sister with no kids), so we will probably leave it to charity, but mostly spend it on travel and maintenance in old age.

    My mom’s brother mostly depleted their parents’ money while they were alive, pressuring them into purchasing failed business after failed business for himself and buying several condos for him and his wife and son. My mom received nothing during my grandparents’ lifetime. After my grandfather’s death, he had the nerve to ask for a greater share of the inheritence because “Islamic law dictates that the son gets 2/3 and the daughter 1/3.” My mom laughed her ass off, asking how muslim he was as he drank and gambled his parents’ money away. She insisted and got half of the estate, but it was still bull since he had been wasting their money for decades before that. My mom and her brother no longer talk.

    Post # 28
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have no kids but I have a written testament that stated ” everything I own will be split up to all my family ( Parents and 2 sisters ) equally. If by the time I go I was married then My Darling Husband would get % depends on how long we married. i.e 3 years marriage = 3% of what I have. however it should not excedeed 30%. 

     

    Post # 29
    Member
    693 posts
    Busy bee

    Wow I’m actually kind of relieved to hear that it’s not that uncommon for people to turn ugly when dealing with wills and estates. I only know of my family’s situation, which was pretty awful. Grandma had VERY expensive taste and a collection of very beautiful housewares, think crystal everything, etc. She also had a lot of diamond and gold jewelry and several very valuable pieces of art. When she passed away, my Dad couldn’t get a hold of my Aunt (who lived in the same town as Grandma) to make a date to clean out her place and divide up all her things. It turned out she was ignoring him while pillaging the house and removing everything. When my Dad finally got to their town and got a hold of her, she had replaced everything in the house with boxes of thrift shop stuff and super random and gaudy costume jewelry that we know for sure did not belong to my Grandma. I don’t mind that I didn’t receive any of her beautiful things, but I do feel robbed of the opportunity to sit with my Dad and siblings and look through all of her things and reminisce. She was meticulously clean and organized and only had the best of the best in her home. We were all pretty upset by that, and it also destroyed any relationship we had with our Aunt and cousins. None of us have spoken to them since. 

    Anyway, we only have one son and will be leaving everything to him. 

    Now that we’re on the topic though, any other parent Bee’s struggling with who to name as Guardian? We are. We named my sister Guardian when we did our wills when he was born. Well, seven years later and my sister is not the same person she was at the time. We would like to change it, but we don’t know who to name. All of our family lives far away from us, they all live VERY different lifestyles, and we just can not even fathom moving our son out of his town, his home, away from everything he knows. I think it would multiply the devastation ten fold if he lost us AND everything else in his life. Whomever the Guardian is would be receiving enough money to raise him and put him through University, plus our house would be paid off. We have plenty friends in our town, but I wouldn’t say that any of them are close enough to ask. Anyone dealing with this?

    Post # 30
    Member
    1839 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I always suggest a will AND a trust. A trust will protect against probate in most if not all states when done correctly. This may not apply to all situations all of the time… I’m not a lawyer.

    I have read that instead of leaving a child nothing, to leave the one you want to cut out $1.00 or whatever dollar amount you decide, plus supporting documents about why you are doing this. You can also add a no-contest clause, which penalizes the person who contests the will. (they forfeit anything they received.)

    Again, not a lawyer – anyone drafting a will/trust needs to find a competent estate lawyer.

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