(Closed) Are you "Marrying Up" or "Marrying Down"?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Are you "marrying up" or "marrying down"?

    Marrying up (FI's family is wealthier)

    Marrying down (Your family is wealthier)

    It's about the same on both sides

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Well – I married up if we consider savings and money DH had, but down in consideration with our family’s wealth.  We’re both working class knocking on middle class as such.  Both families have a history of poverty, and have managed to work up to own land and homes.  My father has his own, extremely succesful business, parents own two homes and quite a bit of land.  My mother also works and earns an extremely good wage.  DH’s family own their home and some land. Father-In-Law is a farmer, although because of various problems (general bad luck because of weather ruining crops, and now the economic crisis), and also Mother-In-Law doesn’t work, they are financially worse off.

    But then, looking at education – I guess you could say I married up, DH and his brother all finished university, whereas out ouf my 3 siblings and I, two of us left school at 18, another started university and quit after 6 months, and only one actually graduated. The graduate works for my father in a manual job, my elder brother is now a partner, and the “drop-out” is now completing a degree in H&S which he did through his job.  DH’s brother is an assistant manager in a bank.

    Morals, etc, I’d say we married equally – give or take various little things.  DH’s family is extremely religious, whereas mine are not particularly.  We have a different expectations on respect for the elders in how we address them etc -I use formal language speaking to the elders, and believe children should never be rude to adults, whereas DH’s family allow children to be extremely rude and don’t use formal language when addressing elders.

    Politically – both families are quite “centre”, with DH’s family slightly more conservative and mine are more liberal.

    So at the end of the day – we married the same I’d guess…

    Post # 18
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Speaking strictly about family finances I definitely married up.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3306 posts
    Sugar bee

    I am marrying down but I really feel like it is about the same. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1853 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Our families are equal. But Fiance specifically makes waaaay more than me. Because he’s got 5 years on me, he’s finished grad school and long established in his career. I’m still in grad school, so I spend money while he makes it.

    Post # 21
    Member
    5422 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2012

    This is an interesting thread.  My family is more financially comfortable than FI’s family, but my Fiance is more well off then I am professionally.  So I guess I’m a conundrum. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    3551 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My family is upper middle class while his is lower middle class. The difference is that both of my parents are college educated administrative accountants while his father is a car mechanic and his mother is a head lunch lady. His sister is also a huge drain on their finances she just turned 21 and had her second child, she had the first at 17. They spend most of their time, energy, and money on her and don’t pay much attention to SO. The only time they have helped him out with money is for college. He’s not even done yet and they keep nagging him to pay back his grandfather.

    Post # 23
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Like some others, it’s a mix of both.  DH’s family is more comfortable than mine, but I was much better off financially than DH was before we married.

    Post # 24
    Member
    5373 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m marrying down, but it doesn’t always feel that way because we aren’t in totally different classes. The way our families view and handle money is what is more noticable to me. My family is middle (possibly upper-middle?) and his is lower-middle.

    Socially and emotionally I’m marrying down as well. My parents are both really well known and liked in the community and are very involved and supportive parents. My FI’s dad is kind of the opposite (his mom passed away when he was 13, but she was much more supportive).

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My family is upper middle class, his family is lower middle class.  Ironically, his family is way harder working than mine.  My mom married rich (my dad’s family had TONS of money), but in the end, she got screwed because my dad was so terrible with finances.  So I guess I learned at a young age that marrying rich is not the same as living a rich life. 

    My mom was not supportive of my relationship with my Fiance in the beginning.  Literally she told me, “Don’t be stupid, you don’t marry for love, you marry for finances.  It’s like a business.”  Needless to say, I didn’t heed her advice, and it’s worked out quite well.  Now my Fiance takes care of all our bills (I stay home) and miraculously my mom likes him.  I feel like I’m marrying up because he’s so steadfast, reliable, and good to me.  He feels like he’s marrying up because I cook, game, and he thinks I’m hot (why I don’t know, but I’m happy with it).

    Post # 26
    Member
    3828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My family is definitely wealthier. Fiance had never been to an NHL game before because they couldn’t afford it. Then he met me and my family goes a few times a year so hes spoiled now.  

    But i never really thought about it. He’s better off than most of the kids in my family (me including) so my parents actually really love his work ethic (which he learned from is parents).

    It really doesnt matter now adays.  

    Post # 27
    Member
    3622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Up, by quite a bit. I don’t want to talk about it too much because it’s kind of crass, but it’s kind of hard to get used to (<– FIRST WORLD PROBLEM).

    Post # 28
    Member
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Never thought about it in those words, but my family is wealthier and better educated. DH is the only one of his family to graduate from college and they were on a few kinds of welfare when he was a child. But, I don’t think it really matters since our lifestyle isn’t dependent on his families finances, it’s dependent on our own.

    Post # 29
    Member
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My mom makes alot, his parents not so much. I am an only child so I am used to a nice lifestyle of having nice things. Unfortunately, I have a very low paying job so its difficult to keep up that lifestyle now!

    Post # 30
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    His immediate family is richer, I think…though my dad and step-mom can afford a place almost on the ocean in south Florida, so it’s hard to say. My mom is dirt poor. I make more than Fiance, but he stands to earn more after he gets his MPH.

    Post # 31
    Member
    8035 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @waitingwonderland:  I guess you’d call it marrying up, but it has nothing to do w. his family’s wealth.

    His parents are retired and not wealthy. My mom still works, and she is doing alright… but she lost a lot of $$ while being married to my father who was useless w. money.

    I’m 27, fairly early in my career, and doing well for myself. My SO is 41 and well established in his very successful career.

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