(Closed) Are you "Marrying Up" or "Marrying Down"?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Are you "marrying up" or "marrying down"?

    Marrying up (FI's family is wealthier)

    Marrying down (Your family is wealthier)

    It's about the same on both sides

  • Post # 47
    Member
    6114 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think income wise, my parents and his parents were about the same.

     

    However, how money was treated is COMPLETELY different. 

    ILs retired early, paid off their house, enjoy RVing and traveling – while be very frugal.  They were both teachers.

    My dad was a gambler (he has since passed), they never shared money, always fought over money, my mom never had control of the money until now.  She’s holding on to it for dear life.

    Post # 48
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I voted sideways because we are both financially in the same place with our families and with our own financial situation. I wouldn’t say any aspect of us as individuals have really changed since we circle the same social life and our personalities mesh well although we give each other fresh perspectives on everything we do because we think opposite. However I think I am marrying up because I found someone that is amazing and I couldn’t live with out. He puts up with me and my um yeah so he has to be a wonderful person.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    I feel like we’re the same on both sides… My grandparents are upper middle class, though, so maybe I’m marrying down? Although my grandparents money is not MY money, so I feel we are even.

    Post # 50
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    His family is wealthier than mine but my Fiance is estranged from them now : so I guess that doesn’t really count! 

    Post # 51
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Both our parents are damn poor lol. BUT his mother is much better with saving money than any of the others.

    But the Fiance and I personally each make about the same. His base salary is higher than mine, but I usually exceed or match his yearly income due to stocks and bonuses. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If we’re talking money and background….down. Way, way down. But honestly, that doesn’t matter a bit to me. His work ethic is amazing, he’s going places in life, and most importantly, he’s the one for me. 🙂 

    Post # 53
    Member
    9806 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t know, as far as $ in assets, his family has…a lot.  My parents are upper middle class, with white-collar type jobs.  His family has a lot of money (assets) in the way of acres/farming/cattle/guns/mineral rights.

    Post # 54
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    My family vs his family = Marrying down. My parent’s are very upper middle class in an expensive city. His family is middle class in a very affordable city. Sometimes this makes me sad because my family goes on awesome trips that we can afford to join them on however fiance’s family could never come (they can’t afford it, and we can’t afford to pay for them.)

    Me (alone) vs Him (alone) = Marrying up. I took a step back from my career to help him with his, but if I was making what I was supposed to (60-80k) he would still be making double what I do. As it stands, right now I make 18k a year while he makes 120-160k so I’m definitely marrying up!!

    Post # 55
    Member
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t know. Even? My family is poor and his is middle class but since our families wealth have NO bearing on our lives then technically I married down because I make 3x what DH makes.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Such an interesting topic…

    My SO told me quite recently actually that with me he would be marrying up, lol! Wow!
    As far as family wealth my family is wealthier in property/assets. We both have very amazing close knit families.

    As far as me and SO individually we are in different careers but make almost identical salaries. I am college educated (2 degrees), he is a technical school graduate that is solid and experienced in his field.  So, it depends on how you look at it.

     

    Post # 57
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    FH’s family definitely has more money now but when we were growing up what our parents’ made was about the same.

    Post # 58
    Member
    1357 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My family is all PhD’s who do fairly well for themselves. My husband has some relatives with a college education, but a lot of them are have only graduated high school and are blue collar.

    My Mother-In-Law worked very hard to go back to school while she was working full-time and had two young kids, then went on to get her Master’s in business. She has told me stories of when my husband was little and they were very poor, and if one of the kids had to go to the doctor, they had to choose between that and buying groceries. She really carried her family through tough times.

    Post # 59
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Down. His parents are upper middle and definitely comfortable, but mine are wealthier. It was a weird adjustment for SO’s parents, in the beginning they were really uncomfortable with the Christmas/Birthday presents and other opportunities (vacations, plays) my parents gave SO, but I think after 4.5 years they’ve adjusted to it. His mom used to make me really uncomfortable by constantly talking about how she was shocked I’m not spoiled/entitled, but she’s stopped bringing it up lately. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    2447 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m marrying up. My family is all well educated (everyone has at least a bachelor’s degree and my mom has her masters) and is solidly upper middle class. The FI’s family is … very wealthy. But I don’t feel like we’re on different levels because we share the same social circles.

    Post # 61
    Member
    2692 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I honestly don’t know so I can’t really vote.  I think as an overall extended family, we’re probably maybe even (he has a few realtives with money, so do I). His parents are hard working and help us more than mine although my father makes a lot of more money than fi’s parents did when they worked (they are now retired) but ffil maybe has more money saved although my father may have more assets.  Not sure.

    My family has a lot more college graduates and intellectuals (and may seem a little snooty for fi’s laid back family many of whom didn’t even finish high school). 

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