(Closed) Are you obligated to invite people who invited you to their weddings?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you were invited to a wedding, do you need to return the favor?

    If you were invited to theirs, they are invited to yours

    You should invite anyone who invited you, unless you are having a very small / destination wedding

    Don't worry about inviting people just because you went to their wedding

    Other

  • Post # 3
    Member
    2220 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Ohhhh no! You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite someone just because you were invited to theirs… if I did this I’d have 400 guests on my side alone. I’ve lost track of the amount of weddings I’ve attended even in the last 5 years.

    Don’t worry about it 🙂 You don’t owe them anything! I’m a big believer in only inviting people you’re close with & that will enhance your day. If I haven’t talked to someone in over 6 months (and I mean really, really talked to not just email or FB) then they weren’t on the list.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2492 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Only invite those whom you absolutely want to be in attendance. You’re not obligated to invite anyone beyond two witnesses for the ceremony. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee

    I think I would feel a little bad about it – but I wouldn’t make it dictate my guest list.  Everyone has different limitations or freedoms when it comes to their guest list.  I will say, I have some extended family friend’s kids that invited me to their weddings and I’m not very close to – but they are on my guest list over obligation to the family history.  But friends – I would only invite friends that I’m actually friends with (not ones I haven’t seen or talked to in years) or have no desire to in the future.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee

    There is no need to invite people just because you were invited to their wedding.  Invite the people in your life, not the people who were in your life in college or when ever.

    Post # 7
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    Honestly, there are people who has invited me to their weddings and I have not seen them since. I don’t think inviting people just for the sake of inviting them would be polite. They might think you are fishing for gifts or something

    Post # 8
    Member
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I agree with Oracle. On a guest list budget, I wouldn’t invite someone just because they invited me, but I’d feel bad about it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    887 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If I’m close to someone, they’re invited. If we’re friends but not really close, they might get B-listed, at best. But I’m not inviting anyone out of obligation, including members of my own family. Perhaps that makes me a heinous person, but i want to be surrounded by loved ones on my wedding day, and my friends are the family I’ve chosen.

    Post # 10
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would agree that if you are having a really large wedding and have the budget for it, then I would invite them (considering that they are at least B-list worthy), but if that isn’t the case then I wouldn’t feel bad about not being able to invite them. Everyone has different preferences for their weddings (big, small, just family, etc) so I don’t think that they would be mad if you didn’t invite them.

    Post # 11
    Member
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Fiance was IN a wedding a few years ago and we have no plans to invite them. He was basically just a filler Groomsmen, but whatever. I don’t think you’re under any obligation to invite some one just because you went to theirs. All brides and former brides should understand what a debacle the guest list can turn into. If you’ve lost touch with your friends I’m sure they don’t expect an invite anyway. Don’t stress 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    As most everyone else has said, you absolutely do not have to.  People have all sorts of different priorities, all sorts of different budgets, all sorts of different reasons for inviting people.

    I was invited to people’s weddings years ago whom I don’t even speak to now.  Am I inviting them?  Of course not.  Also, same as EAQ219, I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for someone I am not inviting.  And hey, I thought it was weird she even asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so…

    Lastly, I am not sure how far along you are in your planning, but you wonder whether someone might be “a little bit miffed.”  Please.  Don’t worry about that.  People are going to be “a little bit miffed” about all sorts of things in your wedding that are totally out of your control, or which they have no business being miffed about.  It’s your wedding.  You can’t worry about the feelings of every single person who may or may not be involved. 

    Invite the people who you want to be there.  Twenty years down the road, you’re not going to say “I am so glad I protected Sarah’s feelings by inviting her!” 

    Post # 13
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Also, do you really want your guest list to be filled up with obligatory invites?  I am in my early 30s and have been to a LOT of weddings.  If I invited all those people, it’d be all family and people I was worried about offending!  This is not a tit-for-tat situation, so to speak.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2181 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    I agree with the others – only invite the people you TRULY want to be there!

    Post # 16
    Member
    958 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You’re not obligated to invite ANYONE

    (unless you sent them a save teh date or invited them to a shower)

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