Are you one of three kids?

posted 6 months ago in Babies
  • poll: How was it being one of three
    Sucked then and now : (20 votes)
    22 %
    Sucked then but great now : (14 votes)
    16 %
    Great then and now : (54 votes)
    61 %
    Loved it then and hate it now : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1395 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    Middle of three, and loved having siblings! It was nice having more than one playmate – especially when one didn’t want to play with me lol. I now want 3-4 kids myself.

    Post # 32
    Member
    2477 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    Kind of not in the same boat because there’s 4 of us but just dropped in to mention that none of us are close to each other. My sister and I are 2 years apart and the younger ones are 3 years apart. We did have a shitty upbringing and as a PP mentioned it can affect your sibling relationships as a result. Had my mom been financially secure I wouldn’t have resented her having more kids after me,  putting more strain on us older ones to take care of the younger ones and completely taint my childhood as being a child. Just make sure you have the amount of kids you and your husband want. NOT the amount you think will make your other kids happy because there is no guarantee.  Also, dont make it your kids’ responsibility to help with YOUR kids. It’s common practice from what I’ve seen and I totally despise it. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    drdeebee :  I’m 1 of 3, but didn’t grow up with my siblings.  We are close now, but don’t have a typical sibling relationship.

    My husband is 1 of 3 and he loved it and I love their dynamic.  His siblings (both girls) are incredibly different to each other, and he gets something different from each of them.  One is incredibly family orientated with 3 kids of her own, and one is very sophisticated and career motivated and is CBC. 

    Majority rules with 3, so it’s not 2 kids constantly arguing with each other. 

    I’m glad that when we have children, they will have 4 aunties and uncles (not including spouses) and several cousins.  

    We don’t have any kids yet but I think 3 is the perfect number.  Dh is adamant on only 2 for financial reasons, so we shall see. 

    FWIW, I know several people with 3 and they all say that going from 2 to 3 was far easier than going from 1 to 2. 

     

    Post # 35
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Nope, nope, nope. I’m the middle and we are all 15 months apart. One of us was always being left out, and we were always expected to be friends (likely because we were so close in age) so we were forever hearing “you don’t need a friend over, you can play with your siblings”. I hated it then, I hate it now, and I’m not remotely close to my sister since we both rebelled against the forced friendship in our teens and our relationship never recovered. But again, this all may be more due to our ages rather than the fact that there were 3 of us.

    Post # 36
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee

    I am one of three girls, the oldest. Middle sister is 3 years younger than me and youngest sister is 8 years younger than me. I’ve always been close with my middle sister, but didn’t get closer to my youngest sister until she went to college basically and I was able to relate to her more as an adult. Now both of my sisters are my best friends. My Darling Husband says we get along freakishly well lol. But we are all very different in personality and interests. And we don’t look alike at all!  

    We only want two kids though. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Kaneohe, Hawaii

    I’m the middle and only girl, we are all roughly 2 years apart. Brothers and I are all really close and I never had the atypical middle child syndrome experience. I blame being the only girl. I was quite spoiled as a child and even now as an adult, my parents still do a bit more for me than my brothers. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am both one of three kids and am a nanny for a family with three kids. From both sides, I 100% do not recommend it. My siblings and I got along relatively well and were super close in age (a year apart each), but my sister and I would constantly gang up on my brother. We’d choose movies, and since we always had the majority, he wouldn’t get to watch what he wanted unless my dad was feeling generous and just let my brother choose. That’s a small example, but this happened all the time and my poor brother suffered from it. 

    Being a nanny to three kids (and from my own life) one of the worst parts is that someone, especially the oldest, ends up having to take care of themselves in small ways. I’m the oldest of my siblings, and my heart breaks for the oldest kid I take care of when she’s dealing with something but both of her younger siblings are also having a rough time or are sick or whatever. With two parents, the oldest usually has to tough it out a bit more because when there are two other kids needing immediate, hands on parenting, there just aren’t enough adults to go around. Maybe that’s not so bad if they’re 10 years old, but it’s been hard for the kids I watch (who are spaced out very close to what you’re planning) and it was hard for me. 

    I also think a lot of parents forget that even if you have a car that can accommodate three kids, many people don’t, not with the required car seats and booster seats. I have a large car but cannot, in any configuration, fit all three kids in my car. So, if you are picturing and aunt and uncle or grandparents taking all three kids for the afternoon or a weekend, it might not even be possible without relinquishing your car to them.

    Two kids felt very manageable to me, and I would have no hesitations working for another family with two kids. Even though these kids are well behaved, healthy, and have no developmental or health problems (something else you might keep in mind as you wouldn’t be having the 3rd until your late 30s- the increased chance of health and/or learning problems), I will never work for a family with three kids again and would quit if the family had two kids and got pregnant with a third which is what happened here. It just feels like constant chaos, and this is with nearly 15 years of childcare experience under my belt.

    Post # 39
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Youngest of three. I have a love-hate relationship with it then and now so I didn’t respond to your poll. Although we are equally spaced apart (3 years and ~1 month) I always felt more like an only child than one of three. They already had each other by the time I came along and when I got old enough to be fun to play with, they had their rhythm together so I spent a lot of time playing by myself. In adulthood I still feel like I’ll never have a bond with them like they do each other. Obviously happy my parents had a third or I wouldn’t be here but I myself plan to have two because if it.

    Post # 40
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

    I’m one of three, my sister is 18 months older and I have a twin brother!  Growing up it was great, we always had someone to hang out with and we’re all still really close.  We did bicker a lot though and drove my parents insane but I’m so grateful for them.

    Post # 41
    Member
    267 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m another vote to go for it. I’m the middle of 3 girls (one 2 years older, one 4 years younger), and though I did feel a little of the “middle child syndrome,” I really like the dynamic of 3. My family is very close and when we’re all together it’s loud and a lot of fun. 3 feels like just enough to get the “big family” feeling, but not too many that any of us felt neglected by my parents.

    Post # 42
    Member
    6443 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m an only. My husband is one of three.  And was really only close to his middle brother due to age difference.  Now that they live all over the US they are not as close.  I would hope my three are close when they grow up.  My first two love each other to pieces.  My third one isn’t born yet but my frst and second are further apart than two and three.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1900 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    drdeebee :  My husband is one of 3, specifically the middle child. I can tell you this, he has told me and I have seen it first hand, he is easily forgotten as the middle child. His oldest sister is very much the favorite, and his younger brother is the baby. He hated being the middle child, but truly, I think that is the product of poor parenting by his parents. If they had treated them equally, he would have been much happier in childhood, and adulthood. He is not very close with any of his siblings, his brother is probably the closest.

    Post # 44
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    As you make your decision, I think it’s really, really crucial to take peoples’ anecdotal stories with a MASSIVE grain of salt. If someones parents overlook them because they’re the middle child, there’s no way to venture to an alternate universe and say “see, look, if they’d only had two, that wouldn’t have happened!” For all you know, that person’s parents would have been just as disengaged/crappy in other ways. If someone is ganged up on by their older siblings, there’s no way to know that it’d have been any better if there were only one older sibling…plenty of people have been bullied by one older sibling. 

    There’s a lot of guilt and pressure placed on women to create perfect families, and to foster perfect sibling relationships. It’s bullshit. You could have four kids who get along wonderfully and love their life, or two kids who hate each other’s guts. My brother is a lot older than I am, and we fought constantly. Even as grownups, I think there’s some lingering “fighting for firstborn status” tension at times. My younger sister had serious health problems and took up a LOT of our parents time and energy for years. I still wouldn’t change a thing. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    6397 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Oldest of three… I never saw it as an issue, ever.  I’m 1.5 years older than my brother, and 5 years older than my sister.  There was never a third wheel or anything, but I think that we all just had our own lives most of the time, and we got along fine.

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