Are You Pregnant? Nope – just fat.

posted 2 years ago in Wellness
Post # 16
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

Our families didn’t (usually!) just ask outright, but as soon as we were married it did become customary for our respective parents to immediately attempt to ply me with alcohol every time we saw them. My inlaws would also routinely make comments about “when you have kids…” and “when we have grandkids…” until I made a fairly blunt remark to the effect of “well, it’s a good thing I don’t have any kids”. They got the hint after that to shut up about it (although it didn’t stop the constant offering of alcohol). Even though we were planning on children soon after marriage, I still found it incredibly irritating and presumptive of people.

Post # 17
Member
4535 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

bluecutie00 :  Eeeh….I’ve never been directly asked but about six months after our wedding I attended a funeral for a family friend where a lot of people who went to our wedding were also in attendance. I wore a dress that I’m now aware is not the most flattering. A lot of nosey parkers looked at my stomach once, looked at it again and another for good measure. I even caught someone do the stare, nugde her husband and do the eye/chin lift in my direction…. 😥 I wanted to scream IT’S A FOOD BABY!!

I didn’t but that dress got donated the next day …😣 

Post # 18
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

cyan :  Ugh that is outright rude to try to get you to reveal your pregnancy status by offering you booze. 

bluecutie00 : I haven’t been asked yet, as I think I’ve been fairly open about my timeline and desire to have children in the not-too-distant future, but my husband and I have some savings goals and want to relocate and get a house first. However, I have also gained some weight since my wedding, as we did not hold back on the honeymoon and then it was back to back holidays, and it goes straight to my stomach first. My clothes still fit but I think I look pregnant – a motivating factor to get on the diet train, though it’s so hard after eating and drinking whatever I wanted the past few months!

Post # 19
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’ve also gained weight after the wedding and I think people probably think I’m pregnant since I’m fatter now…lol. But beyond that I have been asked so many times when we’re going to start popping out kids. There’s one deacon at our church who asks everytime he sees us..another couple got married and the first thing he asked the girl after coming back from their honeymoon was, “you pregnant yet?”. He even asked my husband if we knew what we were doing! I’ve resorted to being a smart ass now because I don’t even want kids. We’ve been married not even a year and people act like we are crazy for not wanting children yet. It’s bizarre.

Post # 20
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Why are people so ruuuuuuuuuuuude!! It really drives me up the wall. I’ve been asked a few times in my life. Ugh, to be my skinny self from high school….

I wish I had a good response any time I’ve been asked. I think I’ve just said no and made a face when it’s happened. I can’t remember now. But you can always see everything written all over my face, so it’s obvious when someone’s upset me.

 

Post # 21
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

My Mother-In-Law asked me if I was pregnant 2 days after the wedding (2 days!)! A week after the wedding we went to my aunt to return some items and she told me I looked like a gained weight (a week after the wedding???) and kinda looked at my belly… 

I think some people just assume that if you’re married then the next step should be pregnancy and suddenly inspect your belly all the time.. 

When I did get pregnant no one actually asked until we told them (and we got many – I thought so!) so I’m glad people were courteous enough not to ask and waited until we felt ready to tell them… 

Post # 22
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

I went to an event with a male friend recently. We ran into a friend of his, who went to shake my hand before grabbing at my stomach, hugging my friend and shouting OMG CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!

1) He’d never met me before, ever.

2) My friend has a girlfriend, this guy has met her several times.

3) Who grabs a strangers stomach?!

I looked mortified, and said I wasn’t pregnant, and he playfully punched my friends arm and said “oh well, you keep trying bro!”.

I was mortified, as I had waivered on whether to wear that dress before leaving the house. Evidently, I was right.

Post # 23
Member
676 posts
Busy bee

I have been 15 and thin as a rail to overweight and my age now. I have been getting asked if I was pregnant since 15. I had a pooch. Really freaked me out at 15 people were asking me that. 

I have gotten the “you have a glow” after they asked and felt embarassed for pointing out my pooch (I have even when clinically underweight) to “you rubbed your belly a  minute ago”…. Yeah. Because rubbing one’s belly means you are pregnant!

It just is not appropiate to ask no matter what. 

 

Post # 24
Member
3556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

bluecutie00 :  I haven’t gained a pound since our wedding, and the moment I turn down a drink or any food – “ARE YOU PREGNANT?!?!” ….I’m CFBC, so yeah, NO.

Post # 25
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My husband and I have had multiple miscarriages. We’ve been together for 9 years and married for 5. People ask us all the time when is it going to be “our turn” or they will make comments about “how nice it must be to have the freedom”. I used to get offended and try to make them feel comfortable. (More me just working through my emotions and taking them out on anyone that woud even bring up the subject). One time I looked at a lady at church and responded “Were ready to have kids as soon as the Good Lord stops taking them back!”…my mom about fell over! 

Honestly, I don’t think people mean any harm. I think that the world is socially awkward and the average person is socially awkward. It seems like a good conversation starter for them, or an attempt to “small talk” without realizing that it is an extremely personal question. On our end, it is frustrating and instrusive, but on their end I think it is viewed as asking about the weather. (Just my opinion) 

Post # 26
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

They’re just being inconsiderate. I think it’s common for people to start having kids after marriage so these people are just prying for information.

One way to shut them down is to say, “I’m not, are you pregnant?” This is what one of my CFBC friends does. Just because she’s married and in her 40s, people assume she has kids. When asked she says, “I don’t, do you have any kids.” Even if it’s an unwed 18 year old. 

Post # 27
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

This question DRIVES ME UP A WALL. The best response I ever heard from someone was my sister’s friend at a b-day party. This lady asked her if she was pregnant and she responded (without batting an eye) Darling Husband and I are strictly doing anal, I’ll let you know if we decide to switch it up and put a baby in me. Maybe I have a weird sense of humor but i was DYING watching the reaction. 

Post # 28
Member
6607 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

bluecutie00 :  it’s funny, it’s not that they didn’t ask at all, it was like I could watch their mind working… she looks pregnant but is she? Can I ask? Will I piss her off? But how could it be anything else? Screw it, I’m going to ask. And then they’d go for it. I got a real kick out of it, actually.  Your friends and family, on the other hand, need to go through that thought process and then say screw it, better keep it to myself.

Post # 29
Member
7915 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

People are rude and they suck, and until more people call them out on it this will continue to be an issue. It is not “harmless” to pry into someone’s medical conditions and sex lives – it’s being straight up nosy. And nosy is rude. I’m particularly sensitive to this issue because we struggled through years of infertility before having our daughter. These were some of my common responses:

“When are you having kids?” – When the doctors figure out what is wrong with us.

“Do you want kids?” – Yes, desperately. Thank you for reminding me.

“Why don’t you have kids yet?” – Because we fuck like rabbits and apparently we’re broken.

“You know your parents really want to be grandparents” – Yes. We fucking know. And we’re trying, not that it’s any of your business.

I also sometimes threw in equally intrusive questions back for the people that kept digging. If you feel like we are close enough that you can ask about my reproduction then I guess I can ask when you’re getting that mole looked at? Have you taken a good shit lately? Are all of your hopes and dreams coming true or are people constantly reminding you that you are a failure?

Post # 30
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

bluecutie00 :  Just say that you really like pizza cool

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