Post # 1
Three weeks ago I had the marriage talk with SO. And to recap an earlier post, it ended in disappointment. He just kept saying that he wasn’t planning to leave me and I formulated a plan to give him 6 more months to decide if he was willing to commit to being around long term or I was going to walk away. (It wasn’t an ultimatum he didn’t know about the plan) Well you all suggested I stay busy and try to think of other things, so I did and the results are as follows.
Now while I hadn’t realized it at the time I’d made a fairly major life change three weeks ago right after our talk. I went from drinking 1 to 3 sodas a day to giving it up entirely. ( I was addicted to caffeine and I still crave it like crazy.) Well SO noticed. Then a week ago I started my new workout program and after 6 days without falling off the bandwagon SO figured out something was up. (I’m kind of a workout burnout. I normally make it three days.) He confronted me about it and I was honest with him. I told him that I was trying to distract myself but I was considering leaving because it didn’t sound like he was committed to being a part of my future and I wasn’t going to waste my time if he wasn’t. My present is important but building a solid future and knowing what to expect is a priority for me.
He knelt down in front of me looked into my eyes and told me, “You’re only 21, I didn’t want to scare you away by asking for too much.” (Meanwhile I’m thinking to myself ‘Yeah I brought up marriage because I’m not interested in being with you long run.’) Then he said exactly the right and wrong thing in that order, “I know I want to marry you. I’ll marry you tomorrow if you want.” Pause, “Are you really this upset over syntax?” Yes I was, but dear SO you are a computer programmer. You miss a semi colon and your whole program falls apart. Why wouldn’t our relationship have problems if you’re using the wrong syntax? Well it was the wrong thing to say to a woman who was already upset but upon review it was funny.
Well we agreed that getting married that next day probably wasn’t the best idea (I want to walk at graduation before walking down the aisle and he wants to finish his second degree too) but that marriage was in the cards. So instead we shook hands on a promise to be there for each other for at least the next 5 years. Then if need be we can re-evaluate. So on 2-2-2017 we either part ways or I get an engagement ring (though I still hope I get one sooner than that). I feel much better knowing I have a long term commitment from him.
However this post is mostly to say thank you. So THANK YOU everyone who commented on my first post. Your advice gave me something to think about and I’m not sure I would have had the opportunity or perspective to have had my follow up talk with SO if I hadn’t read it. Now, my mind is at ease because I know what to expect (at least from SO for the next 5 years), I’m still inspired to continue my workout routine (I’ve never stuck with it long enough to start feeling better before), I’m three weeks closer to kicking my caffeine addiction, and my primary focus is back on finishing my engineering degree with at least a 3.5
Post # 3
That is so wonderful that your SO noticed. Haha men can be so clueless! I am glad you are reaching a compromise, I hope you have now what you needed! 21 is definitely young ( I say that, I’m 23 and wasn’t anywhere near ready at 21 haha) and I don’t know how old your SO is, but it sounds like you both want the same things. I am so very happy for you.
Post # 4
Nice! It’s good to hear that your talks went well and that you two are openly communicating about it. It sounds like you two are more on the same page now. That’s great!
Post # 5
@NoOneYouExpect: It sounds like you two had a great talk! Congradulations on having decided on a timeline you are both happy with =)
Hehe the missing semi-colon bit made me laugh, I was a programming major until recently when I changed to engineering. (Yay in finding another engineering waiting bee!) Just to vear off topic a bit, what area of engineering are you in? How are you finding the course thus far?
Post # 6
@Gingernx01: I’m working on my BS in electrical engineering. And from the classes I’ve taken so far I’m interested in specializing either communications or analog to digital converson. And so far… I love my major but hate having 50 hours of homework a week. I reserve fridays for doing anything but homework (Though most of my classes are 3 days a week so I do have class on fridays). And I’m so glad you got the semi-colon thing. I realized after I submited the post that it probably wasn’t common knowledge.
Post # 7
@NoOneYouExpect: Ooh I just saw you replied to my post about this in the college forum last week. =) I’ve settle on Electrical as well, with specialization in robotics (with any luck a future Mars rover builder, hehe).
*wow I just realized I completely misspelled ‘Congratulations’ in my last post!
Post # 8
Glad you and your man had such a good conversation and are at least on the same page now 🙂 Good luck with your personal improvements in the meantime!
Post # 9
Sounds like a good talk! Glad you were able tocome to an agreement – and keep focussing on yourself!
Post # 10
I’m glad you got an agreement that makes you content. And for the record I totally get the semicolon thing. I just switched back to working with Java after having worked almost exclusively with VB.NET for the last year and a half. Having to get back into the habit of adding the stupid semicolon.
Post # 11
Congrats on having the talk but five more years sounds like a loooooong time. How long have you been together already?
Post # 12
@MrsBroccoli: We’ve been together for a year and a half. And yes 5 years seems like a long time (though I did invite him to push that timeline forwards). Still I have 2 years of school to finish and 3 years to establish a career after that with our current plan. As to why 5 years is the limit, I have a 10 year plan in motion that involves working on buying property between 26 and 27. So at that point either he’s in the relationship for another 30+ years or he’s out.