Post # 1
So my thoughtful fiance has decided to provide transportation for a portion of my family to our wedding venue, which is in the country. And I was asking my aunt (who I live with and has been very “meh” on the whole wedding) if she needed a ride.
And she said, “I don’t know if I am coming, because a wedding is so expensive”. I said Hello? PAYING for 100 people to eat, plus everything else associated is expensive!!!
I am seiously peeved at the attitude, she is no negative! I offered to look at some stuff with her so she could see what she liked and I could possibly help her pay for it, but she has so many conditions, she cant seem to see anything she would like.
I have decided if she wants to come she will make the effort, and if she decides not to come, that will be one less cloud to rain on my parade, but, I just HAD to vent.
that is all.
Post # 3
Its sounds like it may be better if she doesnt come to your wedding. But that would be very dissapointing. Are you two close? I think you are going above and beyond and being exteremly nice to even offer to help her out. Usually it is the other way around..people usually help the bride and groom pay for things.
Post # 4
We live together and while we don’t have a mother/daughter type relationship, I at least thought she would be more cheerful about the wedding/happy for me than she is.
It is disheartening, everything out of her mouth is a downer, and it was really starting to get on my nerves.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t deal well with that! I can see why you needed a vent. What a stupid thing to say!
Post # 7
That completely sucks! Try not to let it get to you too much.
Post # 8
Thanks, it is comforting to run to the Bee where you can always find understanding and sympathy.
Post # 9
what is so expensive for her? something to wear? tell her to wear something she owns. that’s ridiculous!
Post # 10
@kitzy: seriously! and now you offered her a free ride. did you ask her what was so expensive? maybe she means getting you a gift. tell her she is not obligated and you would rather come with not gift! after that though, i wouldn’t bother.
Post # 11
that would really get on my nerves and hurt my feelings. Maybe you could talk to her again …. about the costs of things, and what exactly is the part for her, that is expensive. Maybe point out how much you want her there. It sounds like she really is trying to get out of it. Good luck
Post # 12
I am confused… what is expensive for her? A dress?
Post # 13
@lefeymw: Yeah I’m wondering the same thing. How is GOING to a wedding expensive? Especially when you are offering the transportation? Jeez. Some people just have odd (read: ridiculous) reactions to weddings..
Sorry you’re dealing with this. Seems really petty of her.
Post # 14
My initial thought was that the Aunt didn’t mean that the wedding was expensive for her, but was expensive for the bride. This statement might’ve been the Aunt’s way of trying to save the bride some money. With her not attending, the bride could save some money on food and on the transportation that they’re paying for. My guess is that the aunt didn’t want to be a financial expense for the bride.
The other thing is that maybe the Aunt feels like she can’t afford to give a gift that is acceptable for the wedding. Maybe she feels that going to a wedding without a gift is inappropriate and, therefore, would not want to be embarrassed by going without a gift. Maybe she thinks that there’s no way she can give a gift that she would like to give due to financial reasons? Especially after reading a few posts where guests didn’t give a gift and the brides were ticked off here on the bee.
I am sure that, if it’s the case of not having an appropriate gift, this older aunt has had it drilled into her head that eitquette states you bring a gift to a wedding or you don’t attend. If that’s how she feels, there’s not much you can do about that.
Post # 15
@BanditGirl: while I really appreciate you trying to shed a new and different light on the situation, trust me when I say, that’s not it. I honestly don’t care what she wears or if I get a present, and I have made it pretty clear that I don’t want anything besides her presence.
I think she is just so accustomed to being negative about EVERYTHING it just spills from her mouth without her thinking of the possible consequences of her words, and I while I have grown up with and am used to her dire attitude, c’mon, its my wedding, who wouldnt be upset to be told by a guest and a family member no less that it is too expensive for them to come?
On a somewhat brighter note, we have found a lovely skirt suit she likes and will hopefully be happy to wear…if only we can find some shoes…
Post # 16
she sounds grumpy and annoying. Don’t allow these types to suck your energy.
Have fun with your preparations 🙂