(Closed) Are you supposed to write thank you for a card (no gift)?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3457 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
summerbride0815 :  that is correct. It is considered rude to thank someone for just a card. It’s like saying “thank you so much for the card, we appreciate that you’re too cheap to give us a gift”. You thanked them during your toast. It’d be like sending a thank you card for signing your guest book.


ETA: however, if they send you just a card and didn’t attend, I do think it’s appropriate to thank them in person (or by phone call) next time you talk. Just to acknowledge that you received their well wishes.

Post # 3
9566 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

No you do not send a thank you card for a card. Otherwise you’d be stuck in a nonstop loop of cards haha. 

Post # 4
1692 posts
Bumble bee

 A card is not a gift. A card is just overdressed notepaper, which is why you have to write at least a word or two into it before you send it. It’s a note, and without a hand-written word or two it’s just blank notepaper.

You do not send a thank-you note for a note. That would be silly, and as MrsBuesieBee says it would leave you stuck in an endless loop of thankyou notes. BUT you may certainly send a note in reply, if you want to. It’s a good idea to insert some fresh idea, or a bit of news, into your reply. And the other person can send a note in reply to your reply, with a bit of fresh gossip or a radical opinion from their end. If you are lucky, you DO get a nonstop loop of cards out of this process, which in the olden days was referred to as “correspondence.”

Post # 5
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You can thank them for attending, no mention of the card if you want. We sent a thank you card to all who attended, card, gift or otherwise as many had to travel to us. Yes, a reception is the “thank you” but a thank you card never hurts



Post # 6
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond

I’m from the south where a thank you note goes for everything- and it never hurts to send one. I don’t believe we got any cards without ANY gifts (money or object)… aside from our parents who donated to the overall costs. 

We did thank guests who sent no card/gift at all but did attend the wedding. Not everyone can afford travel expensives several hours away, hotel accomodations, new outfit, time off of work and a gift. Their presence is your present. We mentioned the fun we had dancing or something sincere and specific.

You will not end up in a endless loop of thank you cards if that is the case- I’ve had maybe 3 people out of our 95 say they even got our card and that was the end of the cycle. Most people know it’s a thing that has to be done. But DON’T send one… and ohhh lord wil the elderly guests raise a fuss! (I had one complain to my mom that it even took me 2 months to send hers and she’s a friend my grandfathers- not even a VIP so to say). 

Also, we sent one to our pastor’s family (good friends of ours)  for all of their help for the weekend.. mind you we paid him and 1 night of his hotel… and the wife realized she never prepped a gift given she was managing her husband and 2 small children that weekend. She offered to send something but we told her we were fine. So you might end up with gifts from people who were too busy or strapped that specific weekend to give you something. 

I say thank everyone who attended! They could have been anywhere else that day but they choose to celebrate YOU! That’s pretty special.

Post # 7
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m of the persuassion that the thank you card is to thank people for sharing a special day with you, not just if they gave you something. If they don’t attend, but send a card, just ackowledge you received the card. A non stop loop of cards would be pretty awful lol

Post # 8
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
aspasia475 :  Hahahahaha “correspondence”!

That made me laugh.

Post # 9
13927 posts
Honey Beekeeper

By etiquette, thank you notes are properly for gifts, not attendance. The latter can come across like a fishing expedition or an overly  pushy, passive-aggressive reminder. On top of that, guests really do have a year to send a gift.

Post # 10
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

We would still thank them for a lovely card. You never know what your guests are going through financially that could be partially why they aren’rt coming to the wedding.

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