(Closed) Are you taking his name? Why/why not?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

What does your Fiance about it? My ex really cared but my Fiance now doesn’t really care either way. I’m going to change my last name because I love the symbolism of us being one family. But I can understand where you are coming from. If I were you, I would take my FIs feeling into account and go from there. 

Post # 3
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I did not change my name because 1) I dont see the point. I have been this name my whole life, this is the person he fell in love with, why should I be expected to change it. 2) I’m already established professionally as my own last name and it will be a big hassle to change it 3) I just don’t feel like dealing with multiple agencies to get it done 4) if we do get a divorce I don’t feel like being stuck with his last name for professional reasons or having to go back through all the paper work. We don’t have kids yet but the plan is to hypenate their names (if we don’t it’s not gonna bother me, they’ll know who their parents are regardless of names). I seriously just don’t see a reason to do it in this day and age. I would like to point out that socially people do sometimes call me by his last name and I don’t go all ape on them or anything. It’s just a name. Professionally no one has made this mistake yet.  

Post # 4
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When my parents got married they double barrelled (like hyphenating but no hyphen, ie Mom Smith and Dad Jones became Mom & Dad Smith Jones) and both used the combined name, so my brother and I grew up with that new name. I really loved all having that name, and the symbolism of them combining, but no way did I want to add a third name on. So DH and I created a new name and both took it. We used at least one letter from each of our parents original surnames, and only used letters found in those names. I absolutely adore that we still have the symbolism of our name coming from the names of our families, but still being something new that we created together. 

It cost more to do this way, since it required a legal name change, but I just love our name so much that’s it’s so worth it.

Post # 5
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I have a few reasons why I will change mine. 

My mom didn’t change her name when she married my dad. I got a questions about her really being my mom my whole life. 

I am no longer on speaking terms with anyone in my dads family, including him. I do not want this name attached to me anymore. I am not one of them. 

I jump up in line! I go from an M to a K! Whooo! 

There is such pride when my SO’s family says there name. I want to be part of that. 

Post # 6
1359 posts
Bumble bee

We are both taking my maiden name as our middle names and I’m changing my last name to his. We considered doing the reverse (his taking my last name and both changing our middle names to his current last name), but I actually wanted the symbolism of changing my name to become a family unit with him, and we slightly prefer his last name to mine. I’m very happy with our choice. If we are lucky enough to have a kid, he or she will share our last name and it is likely we will also pass along my maiden name as a middle.

Post # 7
4251 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

yes, I took his name.  Mainly because I feel like is ties us together, and it made us family.  Now we have kids, we all have the same name, and that was also important to both of us.

Post # 8
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

hmmm… this situation is more complicated because of your son. How old is he? He may consider (in time) hyphenating to include your maiden name, but I would leave that up to him when he’s old enough to decide (I have some friends who made that choice when their parents divorced)

I’m a traditionalist, I believe that you take the same name (whichever one works…) because now you’re a team. When you’re on a team, you wear the same jersey, you face the world as a unit and that’s what the family name means to me.

In your case, I would consider hyphenating your maiden and FI’s name, that way any future children you have could do the same, and your son can consider adding your name to his as well

blended families, blended names!

Post # 9
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Nope. I have too much work published under my current name. My legal name will stay as is.

However socially I don’t mind people adding his if it makes us easier to refer to. We’ll probably use his for any children/restaurant bookings/etc where a single family name is required.

Post # 10
2352 posts
Buzzing bee

I do not want to change my name, inf act we got into a fight about this.

I will be 41 when i get married. I have a career that has been long established. I dont want to change it.

We will not have kids.

I like my name. Its very unique and goes with my ethnic name. His name would destory that.

I told him if he threw a hissy fit again I’d hyphenate our names, but would go by my name professionally, and if someone called me by his last name I wouldn’t throw a fit.

I just hate the idea and I dont see the point in my situation.  I told him he could take my name, he didn’t like that. 

Post # 11
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m am changing to his name. We had this conversations years ago well before we were ever engaged and it is something very important to him. It feels odd to think of myself with a different name but at the same time I don’t have super strong feelings about keeping my name. I have terrible initials because of what they spell and after my name change I wont 🙂

Post # 12
643 posts
Busy bee

I did change my name, because my maiden name was my stepfathers. Whilst I don’t have a bad relationship with my stepfather, I never really felt I belonged to that name. I’ve struggled my whole life with feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere, and by changing my name to that of my husband’s…… I kind of felt like I finally did. 

Post # 13
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Not changing my name. Genuinely cannot think of one good reason why I should.

I love my fiancé completely, we’ll always be together and always be there for one another. But we have our own heritage and even through married we’ll still be two separate people. We don’t need to wear the same jersey etc.

It’s a little more complicated bringing children to the mix.

Post # 14
1805 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
VictorianChick :  same here. I was 40 when I got married and I liked my last name. I didn’t see the point of changing it and didn’t want to. But my now husband was upset about it, felt it would tie us together as a family, was important to him, etc. So in a leap of faith I took his last name and made my maiden my middle name, no hyphen. I also thought about all the strong women in my life that took their husbands’ last names and figured if they did, I could too. I wish I had just kept my maiden name. It’s a year later and I still feel this way.

OP, if you don’t want to and that’s your gut reaction, don’t.

Post # 15
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

I am changing my name  we will be having children after we are married, and it will be our family name.

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