(Closed) Are you taking his name? Why/why not?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 32
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think I may turn my last name into a middle name. I have no middle name and I love my last name so I want to keep it in some way, but I also want us to have the same last name because I feel like it’ll really unite us as a new family, I also really like his name, ha. This is something I’ve thought a lot about, as a feminist I also dislike the original idea of the woman taking the man’s name, always belonging to some man whether it’s her father or husband, but I like that we have a choice now and that more guys are taking the woman’s name. As long as we have our reasons for changing it other than feeling like we have to.

Also on a small note, and thinking wayyyyy ahead, I know when we have kids many people will doubt they’re mine. I’m Hispanic, he’s Asian, typically Asian genes are more dominant (Not always but typically). So I know at least with the same last name there would be less complications when ignorant people give us trouble (In a scenario where I have to pick them up from school, etc)

Post # 33
Member
3247 posts
Sugar bee

Yup, changed my name. Not one ounce of regret, I love having his last name 🙂

Post # 34
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I took DH’s last name. My mom and dad share the same last name, and DH and I married at a point in my profession where the name change would affect my job minimally. For a second marriage, more frequently I do see not changing the last name, probably to avoid too many confusing name changes. 

Post # 35
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I m taking my future husbands name, we did discuss him taking mine but after 5 years (I changed my own surname to include my mums madien name just before she remarried after years of explaining that I had my deceased dads name) I ve come to realise the difficulties of having such a unique name and as a result decided to take his surname. Having the same surname as his and any future kids makes me they like we ll be one family and unit. Also I ve always really liked Bennett as a name and it fits well with my first and middle names.

Post # 36
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

I took my first husband’s name when we married, for professional reasons – I was going into the same field as my mum and she was quite well known in it, and as I have quite an unusual maiden name I didn’t want people making judgments before meeting me. When we divorced I kept the name professionally for a few years as I had built a career with that name. When we moved abroad and I changed career I went back to my maiden name completely. 

Now I’m getting married again I will not take his name, as I built my career in my own name. It’s also quite an unusual name and I’m one of 5k in the world with it. I don’t care that it is almost impossible for people here to pronounce (and in the UK as well but that’s a different story), it’s my name. 

My partner won’t be changing his name either. 

Post # 37
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

We have a pretty unique situation. I don’t like my last name (it’s long, hard to spell, and implies that I’m one ethnicity when I’m another, which doesn’t bother me, but it is confusing for people when I start corresponding with them online or over the phone and meet them in person later). My father was very abusive so my mom left him when I was young and he remained mostly absent until his early death. So, I’d always wanted to change it even though that’s not really my personality. Fiance has a similar dad situation, though, and I also have a stalker, so it’s best we just change our names. We’re shortening my last name which is quite chic when short. Gonna be a pain for us to both change our names but it will be worth it!

Post # 38
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I changed my name to DH’s, because we were married in 1993, and it was more “what you did” then, though it was shifting, it is much more the thing now to keep your name.

But the real reason is, okay, this is where we get existential, I always felt, without putting words to it, that I was more than just my name, the me inside is someone and an outer, legal name is just surface window dressing. Who I am is more than a name. So I will have a name, and it makes things a lot easier for me & DH to have the same one.

Post # 39
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I will not be changing my last name to his.  Like some PPs, I don’t like that the woman is expected to and the man isn’t. my Fiance knows how I feel and is fine with me keeping my name.  I’ve also suggested us coming up with a new last name for both of us to change to, but we haven’t decided for sure yet.

Post # 40
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m taking his name. I have a super common last name and a common first name for my age. My whole life I’ve shared names with people. I’m a school counselled and there’s always other people working in the school with the same last name so people get mixed up all the time since we’re referred to by our last names. 

 

My fiancé has a super weird last name so I’m excited to be unique!

I also like the tradition and how it feels to have the same last name .

 

 

 

Post # 41
Member
4259 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
daffodils :  This was true for me as well! My maiden name was my mom’s first husband’s last name. She divorced him, but kept his name, and had me later on. She never married my father, so I inherited her ex-husband’s last name. She had my older sister with him, so when my sister got married, she took her husband’s last name. Then years later, my mom remarried, so I was the only one with her ex-husband’s last name in the family! It made no sense lol 

View original reply
libertine_lady :  

I happily took hubby’s last name because I had no connection to my own, and he was so happy when I told him I was going to! I love being his Mrs.! I’ve somewhat established myself in my field (I still have a ways to go, but I’m well connected) and the transition has been pretty smooth with that. Most of my colleagues, especially the ones I’m close with and keep in touch with, knew about my wedding and know my new name. Some of the people that I currently work with still accidently introduce me by my maiden name, but I tend to just restate my name and move on with it. 

 

Post # 42
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m not changing my name, partially because I don’t want to (why should I change mine when he doesn’t change his?), and partially because he has a crazy hyphenated name. Seriously people, hyphenation is only a one-generation solution. Even if I did want to change my name, I wouldn’t want change it to the craziness that is his 19-character hyphenation. But picking one of his names seems like picking favorites, and he doesn’t want to drop one of them.

Post # 43
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

We discussed this thoroughly before getting married. We are both very progressive Christians and there is a trend in these circles to both take both names hyphenated. In theory, I really like this but in reality don’t care for hyphenated names. 

He had the idea of both of us taking another family name of his. I didn’t like that because that name had no personal meaning to me. We also briefly discussed both taking something like Patience as our last name, but in reality we’re a little too mainstream for something like that.

I never liked my last name growing up. I was made fun of for it as a kid and nobody ever pronounce it correctly. I always looked forward to the day when I could change it. I love my husband’s last name. It flows very well with my first name, much more so than my maiden name. I love being married to him and love that we can share everything including a name.

I took his last name but at the last minute decided to ditch my middle name and take my maiden name as my middle name. As much as I never liked it, the thought of losing it entirely was tough. Now, if I feel like including my maiden name, I can. If I feel like only using my married name, I can.

Post # 44
Member
4225 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I was on the fence too. On one hand, I was bullied in school AND am estranged from my family. I already used my middle name in place of my last name on all social media and wanted to distance myself from maiden name anyways. On the other hand. changing your last name is a pain in the ass! The tipping of the scale for me was DH. It was important to him that I take his last name. So I opted for the ‘traditional’ route. I will say though, our one year wedding anniversary is on this coming September 26th, and I STILL haven’t gotten around to changing everything over. My health card and Age of Majority card have my married name on them (I don’t drive, so in Ontatio that is the ID you have instead). Most of my ‘membership’ cards are changed over too. But Social insurance and the bank still have my maiden name (including my morgage), and my passport does as well. I REALLY should get on that now that I am pregnant, because I THINK they use the last name registered to social insurace on the birth certificate (I could be wrong).

 

Post # 45
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time deciding. I was going to take my fiancés last name when we first got engaged. I’m a bit of a traditionalist myself and didn’t mind changing my last name, even though I really love it.

My fiancé came to me a few months later and said he really wanted to take my last name instead (terrible relationship with his family, not in contact with any of them) and he wanted the honor of becoming a mylastname, and that ever since meeting me he’s felt more like a mylastname than a hislastname.

So that’s what we are doing instead 🙂

Good luck on choosing bee!

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