(Closed) Are you the first of your friends to get married?

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 61
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am the first of my friends to be engaged, but it is quite likely that my lifelong best friend will end up married before me. I’m totally okay with this; we started dating our significant others at about the same time, and she helped my fiance pick out my engagement ring just ONE DAY before I went with her to find matching e-rings for her and her girlfriend. I love that I have someone at approximately the same stage of life as me! However, she and her girlfriend are in a much more stable place in their lives than FH and I are; they have lived together for 2 years and will both graduate in the spring, whereas I have 3.5 years of college left to go. If the laws change between now and then, they will probably get married before us, and I think that’s great!

One of my other friends has also begun to pressure her boyfriend into proposing, which is uncomfortable because he is also my fiance’s friend… so I can understand where many of you are coming from on that.

However, none of my other friends are even remotely close to marriage or engagement or, in many cases, a serious relationship. I’ve just been avoiding wedding talk for now, because A) a lot of them are guys and don’t really care AT ALL, and B) 3 and a half years would be a LONG time to hear my wedding babble. With these friends, my relationship hasn’t really changed at all. They’re happy and supportive, but so far nothing has changed. I hope it stays that way!

Post # 62
5 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

We are the first of our friends to get married and we’re already at the end of our twinties (well, I’ll be 27 at the time of our wedding). Some of them have serious relationships, but others are still single.

Our friends are very supportive about it, though! We’re having a destination wedding and they are all coming, so nice!!

The only thing some of them worry about is that we will have kids soon after we marry and that things will change.

Post # 63
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re definitely the first (and we’re 25/26 years old).  I know people who are married, obviously, but our close friends are either single or in relationships that have been going on longer than ours.  Ditto on our siblings and cousins.  It’s a little awkward with the couples who’ve been dating longer than we have, although most of them have been long distance for a good portion, which changes things I think.  We moved in together after a year so we got close very quickly.  Our relationships haven’t really changed though, because we’ve been hanging out with our single/attached friends as a couple for years now.  We got bored of clubbing/barhopping ages ago (individually got bored, then realized we’d rather stay in together) so not much has changed since we got engaged.

Post # 64
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

first of all my friends except 1 who is fair bit older than me. first of my siblings and im the youngest might i add they are 31,30 and 27 lol. hubby is youngest of 3 and second to marry. seems crazy to some people but they will get over it.

Post # 65
5103 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wasn’t the first to get engaged, and I won’t be the first down the aisle either.

I don’t think the engagement/wedding planning has changed our friendships. If anything I think it’s brought a lot of us closer together. Especially the group in our Wedding Party. But these are our closest of friends. the one we chose to have in our lives forever and always! (so cheesy..hahaha)

I don’t think it has to be a wedding per-se, sometimes I think life in general can get in the way. We grow up, priorities change, and people move on. It happens. The strong friendships survive, the others… eh. Not so much.

Post # 66
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m the first to be married in BOTH my friends and my family.  So, lots of pressure for the wedding to be fantastic, unfortunately (We’re traditional to a point, but don’t feel the need to keep dried-out traditions in a wedding or reception if they don’t have meaning and are needless expenses).  

I’ve noticed that friends that are dating right now are less likely to talk to me about relationship issues (conversations that used to be held weekly via text-message).  Its like they feel like my relationship is perfect and therefore have no need to discuss problems, or that their menial issues are not worth sharing with someone who is blissfully in love.  

Nothing has changed in OUR minds, but I feel as though friends have changed their outlooks 🙁

Post # 67
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We are the first of our friends and siblings to get married as well. Everyone is so happy for us and i haven’t noticed a difference in friendships. We still hang out and do everything we used to do but, we are engaged i don’t feel it’s completley changed us as a couple or who we are to our friends.

Post # 68
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re the last ones! The first ones got married a little over 2 years ago.

Post # 69
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I will be the first of my close friends from high school, college and grad school to get married, thought a couple of my other “friends” from high school are getting married this summer (were friends early in HS, not close anymore, don’t think I’m invited to the wedding which is okay b/c I’m not inviting them either lol)

Not sure how if it has changed the dynamic of friendships yet, if any, though 2 of my bridesmaids are a year older than me and have mentioned things in passing about how neither of them have serious SO’s…so there may be a teensy bit of jealousy but I think they are mostly happy for me since Fiance and I have been together 7 years 🙂 They have been really excited about wedding planning though, coming to bridal shows and dress shopping and such, so I am happy!

Occasionally I get people who are amazed thinking it’s strange/too young to get married during my PhD program, but in my opinion we have been together long enough that I don’t want to COMPLETELY put my life on hold for another 5 years! hehe

Post # 70
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yup. (And it’s soooo weird, because I was always the one that everyone thought would die an old maid, LOL!) As for changing my relationship with friends…not really. Our relationships, if they changed, changed because we were in different high schools/faculties in University, not because I started dating/got engaged.

Post # 71
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We are the first out of our friends to get married and the first cousin on both sides of the family in our age range (we are both going to be 24) It is interesting because we really don’t have anyone who can ask for advice or referrals. My brother got married but he lives out of state so it is different and my fiancee’s two sisters got married but they were both like 5/6 years ago and things have changed!! Alot of our cousins and friends are almost at the stage to get married and one of my good friends actually just got engaged to my fiancee’s cousin!! (we set them up!!) So it will be fun to give them advice and suggestions. I know alot of them are already looking at me to help them. I enjoy having people think that I know ALL about the wedding industry!! lol

Post # 72
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Of my girlfriends I am.. and it has really really put a strain on almost all of those friendships. They were a little strained anyways though, just because I think I grew out of a lot of those friendships a long time ago.

We just don’t really have a lot in common anymore. They’re all going out to bars every night still, looking for guys to hook up with.. and not only has that never been me.. it’s just not something I want to be around.

My best friend just got engaged too though, and she’s feeling the same way with all of them. It’s sad, we’re just in a different stage of life.. but it still hurts.

As for Mr. Rowe, he’s the 2nd to last of his friends… so I’ve been getting a lot closer to all of them. They understand not going out all the time, we go to dinners instead of bars.. and they’re okay if we don’t call them 10 times every week. 🙂

I think it’s pretty normal to start to transition to a group of married friends though. It would probably be a little innappropriate to be out club hopping and tagging along while the girls go guy hunting all the time.

Post # 73
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I lost a lot of my friends because I’m engaged. But I think it’s because 1. they are jealous and 2. they are all mothers.

All my friends purposely got pregnant at the age of 19 and 20. They are now all single mothers and are no longer with their “baby daddys” and live back at home with mommy and daddy.

I think that because I have my own place with someone I love and is getting married too they are a bit jealous and resent me for it.

But yes, I am the first to get married, but the last to apparently have kids

Post # 74
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i don’t have many friends, but yes, I’m the first.  I’m the second in my immediate family though.  My older sister got married sept 2010, and will have been married 2 years by the time i walk down the aisle. 

so far my friends seem to be very excited for me and very gung-ho about planning.  my best friend is going to be my Man of Honor, and probably also making my wedding cake (he is a professional cake decorator for Disney).  my other close friend is going to do our engagement pics for us, as well as be our videographer (she used to work as a videographer’s assistant in college).  I have one or two other friends other than them, and everyone seems to be genuinely excited/interested.  I don’t see the dynamic changing yet.

Post # 75
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re in the weird position of being the first of his friends, and nearly the last of mine to get married.  I worked in an “older” office for four years, and naturally became friends with the youngest people there – who are all married, some with kids.  He works in a younger office with a bunch of single guys.

Seriously, you know it’s bad when your mother asks if your younger sister’s friends can be your bridesmaids. I was all “WHA??” and she said, “But aren’t your friends too old and married?” Yes, and that’s why we aren’t having a bridal party.

Anyway, this all means that precisely none of our friends are that interested in the wedding planning.  I don’t feel like our engagement is putting any pressure on our single friends to propose, mostly because all our single friends are his friends, and those guys are naturally kind of dense.  I say this with total love.  They’re all engineers.

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