(Closed) Are you waiting until you say ” I do? “

posted 10 years ago in Christian
Post # 47
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

we are waiting. i’m not a virgin, he is, but it is important to us not to have intercourse until we are married. however, we do other things, and we are living together. so i guess we are a mix of the traditional and modern views of how things should be.

Post # 48
Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We did not wait for our wedding, but we did wait until we were four years in to our solid relationship and we knew we were getting married. I’m glad that we are each other’s one and only, and like @Kimmie4632: said, it’s a very complicated issue. Congratulations to all the waiting bees, though, it can be tough but you can definitely work through it an look forward to that wedding night.

Post # 49
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We ARE waiting – and what an encouragement to hear about how many of you all are waiting too!  We do have some physical contact, but probably a lot less than a lot of couples at this stage.  We didn’t actually hug (side hug yes, normal hug no) until we were engaged… We haven’t kissed yet, but we will before we get married.  We just know that if we start kissing now, it will be hard for us to wait for other things until we’re married… It’s hard, but totally worth it! ๐Ÿ™‚ Proud of all of you Bees – thanks for being an encouragement that it is worth it and we can do it!

Post # 50
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re waiting, but MAN is it difficult! We have always held ourselves up to that standard, but now that we’re 5 months into the engagement it seems to get harder and harder!!!! 

Lord give us strength, because we still have 7 months to go!

Post # 51
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@Oribel013690: 

First, I agree that sex is an important part of a relationship, however, I don’t think it’s the most important part. Honestly, unless something extremely strange happened–like we were allergic to each other, like some couple I saw on Discovery Health–I think we can work out any issues regarding ‘compatibility’.

Second, as another poster said, we understand that it’s not going to be perfect the first time. It doesn’t have to be. We aren’t waiting so that there will be crazy fireworks the first time.

Third, it’s true that in many circles marriage is just a piece of paper. I think one of the points of waiting is that you are making the ceremony, the vows, the witnesses, the celebration all a part of the committment. A wedding isn’t just a big party to tell people you know that you’re changing your name. It’s a symbol of one way of life ending and a new one beginning, of two people coming together and starting something fresh.

Fourth, it’s not about how many sexual partners you’ve had, though ideally you’d have only one, it’s about marking the change in lifestyle. It’s going from 2 to 1 in a new committment, and for Christian’s it’s symbolic of Christ and the church.

_____

I suppose waiting is a little silly if it is like you say–if it is only a piece of paper for you. If you don’t have any symbolic meaning behind it and you’re not making any lifestyle change.

Post # 52
Member
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@jedeve:

I think marriage can be a spiritual covenant to more than just Christian couples (not snarking or aguing, just saying ๐Ÿ˜› ) as much as I agree with

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@Oribel013690: (that is is an integral part of a relationship–though not the only/most important part imo) I also agree/believe that it is a personal choice for each individual that should be respected.

To each their own.

OP: we didn’t wait, as it was a personal choice.

Post # 53
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree. The whole “you need to see if your compatible” kind of rubs me the wrong way.

I have some health issues that means at certain times sex can be painful for me. So we don’t get jiggy with it too often.

I don’t think this is what other posters are implying, but when I hear these arguments I think, “well great if he had taken me for a test drive when we were dating, maybe he would have changed his mind.” (we didn’t wait till we were married, but till we were engaged. and we didn’t do it to see if we were compatible!)

I think the compatibility that matters is the personality one. I don’t think you’ll ever meet some one who says “Well we were head over heals in love, he’s the best person I ever met, he’s all I imagined, but the sex wasn’t that great so I left him.” If the sex isn’t that great, sure that can hurt a relationship, but people don’t throw great relationships away because of the sex.

 

Post # 54
Member
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@jedeve:

that arguement actually bothers me a bit too. to say that you need to ‘see if you are compatible’ in regards to sexuality is one thing, and yes to some extent there needs to be some sort of compatibility (ie: if you’re heterosexual, you need to know that your partner is either hetero or bi-sexual and not homosexual or else there might be some issues and serious dysfunction) — but it has to be worded ever so gently or else it can seem like the compatibility of morals, personality and ethics is completely over looked or ‘not important’ (which it really certainly is not).

 

 

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@kala_way:

you make some very very good points ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 55
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@jedeve:I don’t think you’ll ever meet some one who says “Well we were head over heals in love, he’s the best person I ever met, he’s all I imagined, but the sex wasn’t that great so I left him.” If the sex isn’t that great, sure that can hurt a relationship, but people don’t throw great relationships away because of the sex.

Lol, too true. They’d be exceptionally shallow in my opinion if they did. I think it rings of selfishness. The idea that “my needs aren’t being met”, “I’m not happy”, “I need more”. If both of you are committed to the relationship and willing to try to work things out and improve things, then I can’t imagine breaking off the relationship for almost any reason aside from abuse, cheating, etc.–very extreme things. To me breaking off a relationship because of sex is like saying you’re quitting your job unless you have a piece of chocolate cake on your desk every morning. I’ve lived 27 years without sex and have had a happy, fulfilling life. As much as I’m looking forward to it, it’s not the end all be all.

Post # 56
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Fiance and I started dating before I was saved, and we didn’t wait.  It has been more than a year now that we both dedicated our lives to Christ and decided from that point on that we would remain abstinent until marriage.  We have lived together for a long time and while that makes things hard at times, we haven’t slipped up even once.  I will say though, being that we both have leaderhsip roles in our church, that some people in the congregation have an issue with us living together, but I don’t feel there is any sin in that, just a little temptation!

I also believe that marriage isn’t just a piece of paper… it’s a commitment before God that we are making in front of our family and friends.  It is very important to us.  While I am kind of nervous about our wedding night,  I am so excited for it to be special.  It’s not just another night for us… it’s THE night. And IMO, if you are in love with someone and have a strong relationship with them, then sex is not a deal breaker. Besides, you should be able to be open with your partner and discuss how to make it enjoyable for the both of you… you shouldn’t just give up. Communication is important in a marriage, especially when it comes to intimacy.

Post # 57
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think I am going to be one of the few to admit we didn’t wait. We knew very early on that we were eachothers “one”. I don’t regret it for a second. For us it will just make our wedding night less nervewracking and less painful. But, I will say I really respect those who did wait!

Post # 58
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yes, we are waiting because we don’t believe in commiting fornication (sex) before marriage. I am a bit anxious about what it will be like I got a feeling we will be super lost and have to go check out books from the library or something. lol

but to answer your question we are waiting

Post # 59
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m not a christian, and we DEFINITELY didn’t wait, but you girls (and guys) should be proud of yourselves! It is a beautiful thing to wait.

 

Fiance & I are each other’s first loves & we have only sexually been with each other.  We waited about 6 months into the relationship.  For me, it wasn’t about having a ring on my finger (mostly because I’m not religious) but KNOWING I was with the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  I’m so, so, so glad that I didn’t give my body up to other men.

 

I will comment that I used to go to a church that’s pretty cult-like (anyone know Wave Church in Virginia Beach? Yeah… it RUINED church for me and I don’t want to associate with church anytime soon)… well, anyways, I’ve noticed couples get engaged usually pretty shortly after getting together, but mostly I’ve noticed that they all have EXTREMELY short engagements! Like… all of them less than 6 months.  Most around 3 or 4.  I have a feeling the pastors advise them to marry early so they don’t give in to temptation.

Post # 60
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We were planning on waiting. But I was so scared that our wedding night would be full of fear and pain (from bening de-virginized) and i wanted our wedding night to be fun and loving. 

So we went ahead and did it. I’m actually glad we did because I was right… it took us several painful weeks of practice and er… stretching me out before we were even able to actually do it. It’s not like that for everyone, some people have a really enjoyable first time. but mine was not so i am glad i got it out of the way.

Post # 61
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@disneybride11 Congratulations on recently becoming a Christian and for now holding off until your wedding. So cool! I KNOW that totally pleases God, and He will bless you for it.

And it’s so, so, SO encouraging to see all the ladies here who are waiting. I am as well.  : )

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