(Closed) Are you Wife #2?

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

My fiance was engaged before… and that obviously didn’t turn out well.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m a better fiance than she was, or if I treat him better.  You just have to assume that if he thought she was a better fiance or wife, then he’d still be with her.  As for the parents, I know their opinions are important, but if you have a good relationship with them, I wouldn’t worry about it.  The more you stress over it, the more tense you are.  Just be yourself and you’ll be fine! Laughing

Post # 4
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am wife #2.  Wife number one was a bad seed.  she tricked him into marrying her, she was bad news in general, and neither family was happy about the situation.  he was 21, she was 19.  The were divorced 18 months later.  She cheated on him, and took off with everything..

I am the complete opposite of her, so any comparison is swayed in my direction.  For me, it’s just that he has already had experience being married, and it wasn’t a good one, so there is a lot of pressure to be perfect to show him that it doesn’t have to be that way…

Post # 5
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m wife #2.  But EVERYONE hates wife #1.  So I was never worried about it, she makes me look like Mother Teresa!

Post # 7
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My boyfriend was married before, and they were together for almost 8 years… And with his parents being older his mom CONSTANTLY calls me her name…  I know she doesn’t mean anything by it (they didn’t like her, and she broke his heart) it’s just habit, they don’t see us very often… And it always helps that she looks COMPLETELY mortified after… But it still hurts.

Otherwise when I think about us getting married I do get sad that he’s “been there, done that”… Or he’ll sometimes say “stop acting like her”… Then I feel like crap because she’s a total bitch.

Post # 8
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I will be. But like others have posted, it was a bad situation and there’s no pressure on me. His ex wasn’t much of a wife, didn’t do the things that a wife should do (I don’t mean that in a sexist way, but in an ‘affairs and abandonment’ way), and the marriage was consequently short. Divorce is an awful thing, but it shouldn’t reflect on your relationship with your SO. 

@stbMohror: “Its been weird asking questions to Fiance about his last wedding too…haha”

That is a really weird feeling! Especially when you’re broke and know that the first wedding was a huge fancy affair in a freaking castle. Ugh. FML.

Post # 9
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@stb:  I know what you mean about it being weird asking about the first wedding!  The first thing I said when we started talking about weddings was “I need to know what her dress looked like so I don’t get anything like it!” and “what were your wedding colors”… sadly he doesn’t remember and she took everything (including all of their pictures and furniture) when he kicked her out (she was cheating on him).

Post # 10
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Nope! #3!!!

Post # 11
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am wife #2 and I honestly never think about it.  Fi’s ex is a bloody cow and she was awful and mean to my wonderful Fiance.  Plus she is super ugly…. and I am not lying.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

OMG o0olibelulao0o if my Darling Husband EVER said anything like that I would brake his thingy off!!  He apologizes if he’s even going to mention her, he would never compare us!  Big no-no!!

Post # 16
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

@Minutiae & @stb:

 

Oh man, I am so glad for this post! I am #2 as well (not married, not even engaged, but we both know that’s where it’s going) but I know EXACTLY what you both are talking about. My only problem is, he’s still very good friends with his ex. She owns her own health and fitness spa, she’s perfectly tone and in shape, she is the NICEST human being on the face of the planet, their relationship was perfect, they never fought, she was a cheerleader and dance major at our university, their families get along and go on vacation together, etc….basically EVERYTHING I’m not. So it’s super frustrating wondering how our relationship compares to theirs. They broke up because they were both married young (he was her first) and she wanted to see what else was out there. So it’s not like they had problems or anything, it was just a case of marrying too young. In fact, she’s happily married now, but STILL, talk about hard to live up to. We talk freely about their relationship, but I still have a sense of….I don’t even know how to explain it…. I just don’t want to be compared to her in anyway, by him or his family. It’s unsettling for sure. Sometimes I just wish she was a raging you know what to make my life easier. lol But in reality it is really hard for me not to like her because she’s been nothing but nice to me and him (honest to goodness nice, not fake). Talk about frustrating!

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