Post # 1
Here’s a brief portion of mine (of trust me there is worse that happened at the beginning of planning), please share your own stories!!
My wedding is really very close, and while I’m not freaking out about it, I can’t lie: I’m disappointed in my BMs.
There was a situation with one of my BMs and her dress was already paid for (by me) and she offered to pay without me asking for it. That was nice of her, but she didn’t actually do it, and now she brings it up on occasion telling me she meant to pay me but then forgot and spent the money. Okay.. so then why even bring it up? This Bridesmaid or Best Man is related to me, and also is the only person who doesn’t have her shoes (the only specification was color.. otherwise wear whatever) and I’ve sent updates to my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor as needed (details like times of events, or things they are invited to, like staying with me the night before the wedding). We haven’t had anything outside the standard “wedding” events so it isn’t like I’m cramping their style. So now this Bridesmaid or Best Man is giving me attitude about “UM OK I don’t have my god damn shoes OKAY?”. I didn’t force anyone to be in the wedding, I provided a dress for ONLY HER and never mentioned that she didn’t pay even if she offered, and meanwhile she can share her clubbing/partying pictures with everyone but can’t go to freaking Target and buy a pair of shoes to wear for the ceremony? (Yes, I offered help to everyone form the beginning of wedding planning if they needed it, even though I really can’t afford it, so it isn’t like I’m demanding a lot here). Everyone is pretty young in the wedding, so I’m not expecting expensive bachelorette/etc parties, and while I’ve offered hair/makeup people that I’m using for them to use, I’m not requiring it. Basically, the rules have been show up and act happy and I can’t even get that.
I know, I know “BMs only need to show up in the dress” but DAMN IT I’m only asking to make sure the dress and shoes fit and are purchased and that’s STILL reason for attitude? I feel like I’ve been stressed and worried about NOT being “Bridezilla” and then the smallest thing (like “hey do you have your shoes?would you like to stay with me the night before the wedding?”) pisses everyone off. I really wish I could have had the small, secluded dream wedding I wanted from the beginning…
I’m not forcing anyone to wear their hair a certain way, they can pick their shoes, they picked a dress (they all agreed on one, but it wasn’t required that they have the same one), and it’s STILL like I’m being too demanding.
Please share your Bridesmaid or Best Man stories!!!!!
Post # 3
My bridesmaids didn’t get their dresses (I found the cheapest ones I could) so when they went off sale, I found dresses that cost three times as much and made them get those a month before the wedding.
They didn’t plan a bridal shower or a bachelorette party…my coworkers took me out for dinner to make up for it because I broke down crying at work.
And then my bridesmaid got HAMMERED at the no alcohol reception and ruined my wedding night. RUINED IT. I spent it hiding from her because she kept trying to come talk to me about what she did, even after she passed out drunk in the bathroom at the afterparty, where several people heard her snoring.
Best of luck!
Post # 4
They WILL NOT walk down the aisle barefoot. You mentioned age and I looked at your date. In a young persons’s mind that’s plennnty of time. They will get shoes.
I would do what I do with my grown sons. Stop communicating for a few days, not meanly just not the usual. I am thunking they will remember you then.
Post # 5
My BMs have been great but now with 33 days to go, I have no idea if one is still in the wedding. She doesn’t have her dress and won’t answer any of my calls, hasn’t been responding to my text messages, and even when we are on FB at the same time and I message her, she doesn’t respond.
There is no way for her to get her dress if she doesn’t contact me because the dresses are being made. I’m beyond pissed because I have done so much for her and if something came up and she is no longer able to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man I would think she would be courteous enough to pick up the phone and say something to me.
There was an issue with the first dress so I had to pick another dress which she didn’t like. I told her she can find a pattern she likes but the dresses all had to be in the same material. Well, I have her material but can’t mail it to her because she won’t answer me to give me the correct address.
It is what it is. I would’ve loved for her to be in my wedding but I’m just going to enjoy my day with my other ladies.
Post # 6
Uh, well one of my original MOH’s is no longer my friend and didn’t make it halfway through planning? Lol. Never loan a “friend” money, pay for half of their dress, or try and make a point about finances. You will be told you “just don’t understand” why they bought a dog and new sh*t instead of paying you back…which, you don’t and won’t. Lol.
My BFF/MOH was amazing, but preoccupied – she literally left for a big awesome trip right after the reception! (This wasn’t on purpose, she didn’t know until about two months before the wedding, so obviously dates could not be changed.)
My bachelorette party was a bust. Meh, it’s alright. I’m still married and the three awesome women who stood up there with me are still my friends. 🙂
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about it I basically only asked for dress and shows and ppl procrastinated to the last minute even a few weeks ago one Bridesmaid or Best Man told me they still had not gotten their dress hemmed or their shoes….my wedding is this weekend. The best advise i have gotten on the bee is ” your wedding is not as important to everyone else as it is to you”
This has helped me avoid a number of meltdowns when i felt ppl were being unreasonable or treating me like a bridezilla because of a simple request… keep in mind this is the only event in life where we ask ppl close to us to buy/ wear clothes they don’t want and it can be a complicated process the best you can do is take care of yourself and just stop asking her about it as PP said she won’t go down the aisle barefoot 🙂
Post # 8
@ambereyez: Right, and I get that, but the attitude (from certain BMs) is so unnecessary. Especially when I’m just checking/following up. I really have not asked every week or anything, I just answered questions as they came up, and now that the wedding is close, I asked to be sure everything was ok. I guess I have to not give a crap about who shows up or wears what, but then why even have bridesmaids? I know it isn’t for me to handle, but I feel like I have to make everything as easy as possible on everyone, and it hurts to get snarky comments back from them.
@AmeliaBedelia: @reine_de_rien: Yea, I’m no longer friends with a former Bridesmaid or Best Man who showed up dress shopping wasted and then was incredibly rude the entire time. That’s sort of the story of how the dress ended up already paid for, so it wasn’t like I even asked to be paid back for it, as I already had it, but the Bridesmaid or Best Man brings up how she meant to pay me but then didn’t. Umm… so then why bring it up at all?
@Pamelor55: Thanks for the input. I don’t even talk to them daily, or even weekly, but as the wedding gets closer, I would really like to know who needs what. Aside from ordering dresses, I haven’t really talked to them (especially about wedding related things), but I mean… it’s only a few weeks away.
I know that no one will be as “excited” as me (hah) but I can’t help but feel like being in the wedding is a major inconvenience to people sometimes. It isn’t a huge affair, I haven’t been demanding or mean, and I’ve offered help if needed. I’ve planned everything alone, and done all of the DIY stuff myself so it isn’t like I’m constantly bothering people… there just are things that I need to know regarding the wedding day itself.
Ugh 🙁 just needed to vent.
Post # 9
@AnonymousCupcake: It’s great that you realize not everyone will be as excited as you are. Now you need to realize that as far as BMs are concerned, there is still plenty of time for them to do everything they need to yet, buy shoes and what not. these girls have over a month, and they don’t have anywhere near the same number of last minute details to deal with like you do, so you are most likely already on edge and stressed to the max that you may be coming across more negatively in your questions to these girls then you think.
Post # 10
@drummerbride: Yea. The color shoe that I asked them to wear is definitely more of a “summer” shade, so it had been discussed that it would be easier to find… in the summertime (and probably more affordable). All but one Bridesmaid or Best Man has actually bought the shoes, and I’m really not looking forward to the complaints of how “the only ones she could find in that color are too much”. I just need to not worry about it, but it’s frustrating. I DO want to be helpful to them, so when I know that it’s going to be more difficult, it stresses me out.