Post # 1
I often feel like when I’m upset with my SO, I try explaining it to him, and he apologizes, but it just sort of fizzles there. I never feel like he actually takes to time to understand why it upsets me. He just says like “I’m sorry I upset you so much” and things like that. I always just get reasons and excuses and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an “I understand.”
He’s a very methodical person, and has a set of rules he lives by, which he created for himself. Everything has to be done as efficiently as possible and he acts like his rules about gas mileage, wear and tear on his car, and how much sleep he gets a night can never be broken. Then, his friend will call him up, and all of a sudden, all of his rules go out the window.
I ask why he says it must always be A, B, and C when it comes to me, but for everyone else, the rules can bend. All I get in response is, “Well, it’s a special exception because he’s my friend.” “So driving 300 miles round trip in one day to see him is okay because he’s your friend, but I ask you to drive somewhere that’s 30 minutes away and you don’t want to waste the gas?” “Well, it’s my friend.”
He also chooses to stay at his parents’ house some nights and and then complains the whole time that he misses me. It’s very hard for me to be sympathetic with this when he chooses to stay there, and then whines that he misses me.
Bees…I don’t mean to sound like a heartless bitch…but why the hell is he doing this?
Post # 3
I would be upset too from the way you describe it. To me, its not a matter of rules bending, but or priority and imporance.
By him not bending the rules for you he is telling you that you are not important enough and are not his priority over his rules, but his friend is. Not that he has to bend the rules always, but when it means something important to you.
Post # 4
@ThreeMeers: The only time he actually bent his own rules was last night when he told me all week he would be at this parents’ house all weekend, and then changed his mind to come home last night because he “missed me”….but it was also because he was going to a late night showing of Batman with his friends, so he would staying at his parents’ house tonight instead of last night. He came home expecting a tickertape parade celebrating his early return, and instead I wasn’t even home. I was at my mom’s house because I was tired of sitting alone in an empty apartment. I made sure to let him sit alone in our empty apartment wondering why I wasn’t home yet for a good 30 minutes and then I went home. When I got home, he went on and on about how much he missed me and I basically laughed in his face, telling him that he had shot himself in the foot as far as I was concerned and I was sick of all his contradictions. We made up eventually, mostly because we were both so exhausted that it was basically a truce. I still don’t feel like anything was resolved, obviously, or I wouldn’t be here on the board venting about it. :/