(Closed) Are your Fi Parents Paying for anything?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 62
Hostess
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We haven’t asked, and they haven’t offered.

Post # 63
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

We never asked for anything. Both sides are throwing money at us. Just with my Future In-Laws contribution pretty much covered our wedding. Then my folks just tell me to text/email payments as they want to help. We are using the reminder of his folks money towards the honeymoon now… I feel uncomfortable about this whole “hey have some money” but they all want to help too much hehe

Post # 64
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Fi mom offered to pay for ther rehearsal dinner. I was surprised since she doesn’t have a lot of disposal income his siblings pretty much mooch off of her. My older sisters in-laws are paying for their entire wedding. Then my younger sisters in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner, wedding invitations & gave like 5k towards the venue. So really every family is different. 

Post # 65
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My FI’s parents have been very generous with helping the both of us with our wedding. We initially looked at venues basing it off the fact that we wanted to pay for it ourselves but we were asking them for their opinions and input as we were looking just to get a second opinion. When we made a decision, we told them which venue we had chosen and his dad said, “let me get it” which really shocked the both of us because neither one of us had asked for help or money. So they are covering the reception/venue along with hosting our couples wedding shower and hosting/paying for our rehearsal dinner. Neither one of us know how we can possibly repay their generosity… 

Post # 66
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

They aren’t paying for anything. Future Mother-In-Law had offered to cook food for the rehearsal dinner, but she passed away and Future Father-In-Law isn’t in a good financial situation so he can’t. FH and I didn’t expect them to pay for anything though. 

My parents have offered to pay for everything though. 

Post # 67
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nope, Its a destination wedding for pretty much everyone except us and my folks as we are living where we’ll be getting married.  But I was hoping Fiance might ask his folks to take care of the rehearsal dinner (it will be small) and maybe the transportaion from the church to the reception area about $165 total for transportation.  Im not sure if they even will cuz honestly the last thing they told us when we asked for some emailaddress to send out hotel info was “people change and situations change so why dont you wait a few more months, 7 months out is still to far out there is plenty of time” feel like they think we wont even get married (sorry small rant)  So again doubtful they will help at all, but who knows people change 😉 lol

Post # 68
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My future Father-In-Law is paying for the rehearsal dinner, and my future Mother-In-Law said that she would contribute some money to help out with anything at all (which hasn’t been seen yet). For the most part my Fiance and I are paying for as much as we can ourselves with the help of my parents.

Post # 69
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, they aren’t paying anything.  Right after we became engaged my Future Mother-In-Law had mentioned to my fiance how they would like to help pay.  Initially I was excited about this.  But after reading horror stories on the bee and other websites, I decided it would be in our best interest to not accept any monetary contributions towards our wedding.

It ended up being a good thing, because the future inlaws wanted to invite a bunch of their friends, some of them my fiance did not even know.  Basically any money they would be contributing would not actually help us, it would cover the extras they wanted.  We wanted a smaller wedding 50-60 guests (this limits it to just our close family and friends) and that’s what we’re getting!

Post # 70
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nothing from my FI’s parents.  It’s become a bit of a sore spot with him because they paid $8,000 towards his sisters so he assumed they’d help him out too. But since it’s “traditionally” the brides job to pay for it, they’re not helping. Even though they could.  My dad isn’t in the picture and my mum works a min wage job living in a bachelor pad so she really can’t help. So we’re paying for it all on our own. I grew up poor so i didn’t have any expectations, but for my Fiance, it’s really hard on him that his parents are being this stubborn.

Post # 71
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My FI’s family paid our deposit ($4100) and it sounds like they plan to cover the honeymoon as well!

Post # 72
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh my gosh, my Future Mother-In-Law has been so amazing and we were not expecting it at all. When we got engaged, she told us the cake would be our wedding gift and we really thought that would be it. It’s more than generous.

But then she keeps adding more that she wants to do for us, and it’s amazing. She is paying for the cake, got us a discount on our hog for the roast, is paying for the tent and chairs and tables, paying for the side dishes, offered to pay to have my wedding dress hem if it was needed, is taking care of so many little things like programs and I don’t even know what else.

This woman is amazing and I love her. She and I have a great bond and she knows I’m taking really good care of her son. I’m just blessed to have her in my life.

Post # 73
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My fiance and I make good money, but have alot of expenses. We bought our home just a few months before we got engaged.We both have cars, I have student debt and we both have hobbies that cost money.

We both wanted a small wedding.

My fiance and his family (aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents) are very close see each other often, while my family dont get together nearly enough. I dont really get along with my family and have no interest in gaining a realtionship with them.

My fiance and I agreed that we didnt want to spend too much money, that we’d rather spend it on our future, not just one day. However, his family (mom and dad) dont want us to regret not having a special day and have offered to give us $10k. I really didnt want to take the money, as I didnt want the In-Laws to be in charge of “my day”.

Turns out, his parents now have full control of the guest list, menu, music and everything else. I regret completly allowing them to put so much money towards the wedding, when we could just as easily had a very small get together where I wasnt resenting everything the inlaws do.

I wish we stuck to the original plan!

Post # 74
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

No, they’re not, and I’m actually kind of surprised. We haven’t asked, and I never would ask, but I had sort of assumed they would offer. My parents are footing the entire bill, which they insisted on doing, and I thought knowing that my parents were paying, his parents would ask to cover something small, like the flowers or the cake or something. 

But, I guess his mom took him aside recently and told him that she believed each couple should pay for their own wedding, and that she didn’t agree with some of the choices we’ve made and the amounts we’re paying for things, so we did not feel comfortable contributing. He apparently asked about the rehearsal dinner (I wasn’t privy to this conversation so I’m just relaying what he told me) as that is something the groom’s family usually takes care of, and she seemed shocked, but then said she could host something at her house for immediate family only – a potluck deal. 

Thinking about it, I know that his parents (nor ours) don’t have any obligation whatsoever to contribute to the wedding, and I probably shouldn’t be upset that they aren’t, but I’m a bit put-off by the way she chose to convey that they wouldn’t be contributing. 

Post # 75
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My FI’s parents are divored and they are spliting the cost of MOST of the rehearsal dinner (around $1500).  My fiance’ and I are paying the rest (around $500). It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to that.  They think it’s way too expensive.  I was hoping they would volunteer to pay for some other things, but they haven’t and the wedding is in a few months.  His mother says that “etiquette says” that the GROOM pays for the bride’s bouquet and bouts, not the groom’s familiy.  She knows that my fiance’ can’t afford to pay for any of those things.  He could hardly afford my engagement ring.  So…my parents are paying for pretty much everything.  I’m footing the bill for the honeymoon, limo, rings, and a few other extras.  

I’m grateful that they’re paying for most of the rehearsal dinner, but I’m still pissed they’re not offering to help with anything else. 

Post # 76
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes, his parents are paying for the decor, flowers, officiant and the rehearsal dinner. My parents are paying for the venue, the catering and my dress.

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