(Closed) Are your guests angry because you don’t want gifts?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 4
Member
10589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Many people like to give gifts anyway, and some have a type of gift they like to give.  If they want to go with the china/dishes/flatware type of gift it can be hard to do if you’re not registered.  Personally, I think it’s silly to be upset if someone isn’t registered.  I would just give cash or a gift card, or if I knew the couple well enough I might pick something myself.

If you’re really being hassled about it, I would set up a small registry and only tell the people about it who really want to get something from the registry.  You’re not being rude by not having one, but if it helps keep the peace and you can get a few gifts that you like, why not?

Post # 5
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We had a big registry, and we still got complaints. It got bought out after the engagement party, so we put more on and then most of it was bought for the shower. So by the time the wedding came, there was nothing else we needed. People complained, I put a few more things on there, but I didn’t want to put things on there that we wouldn’t need or use.

Post # 6
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand the argument for people saying that it’s rude to say “no gifts please,” (I think that’s what you’re doing?) but personally, if I saw that, I would think, “oh cool, I don’t have to give them a gift.”

or, are you hoping that people will give you money?

Post # 7
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

we’ve also been told it’s inconsiderate not to have a registry, and I generally keep this opinion to myself (in real life anyway) but I think it’s pretty freaking inconsiderate to rag on a couple about how burdensome you’re making it for people to select gifts for you.  Personally, I enjoy selecting the perfect gift for people and I always really appreciate when someone gives me a gift they put thought into, even (sometimes especially!) when it’s something I never would have picked for myself.  I’m not very fussy about everything we receive being totally coordinated, so for me, there just isn’t a lot of appeal in registering.  Also, as seems to be the case with you, we’ve told people that we don’t expect gifts, and having a registry just feels like nobody will take us seriously when we say that really, traveling to see us get married is more than enough gift for us.

I think, like with many other things, registries are a damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario.  People are going to think you’re rude for not picking your own gifts for their convenience, or clamoring for gifts in general, or they’ll take exception to the particular things you picked. You just can’t please everybody, so you may as well do what feels right to you, you know?

 

Post # 8
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We didn’t have a registry and kept it that way, but I did have some friends that weren’t happy with that.  Most people ended up either getting us a card (perfect!) or a card with money/gift card (also perfect! lol) in them.  

Post # 9
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think that most people just expect it and without one- they assume they have to come up with something.  We considered not having one- because we didn’t need 99% of what you put on a traditional registry, but after a friend didn’t register (hoping for cash) and got all kinds of stuff she was stuck with and was hard to return- I opted to go the less traditional, but worked really well for us wish registry. 

I would do it again in a heartbeat by the way- it really did work great for us.  I used http://www.uponourstar.com and also had a couple smaller ones for actual stores- but I was so worried about upsetting people NOT having one- so I guess you can’t win huh! 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

we eloped and had a big party after and we didnt register (because i wasnt expecting gifts) and to be honest we got a lot of stuff that im pretty sure i gave 100% of it away because i didnt like it – if i was to do it again i would register

 

Post # 11
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I actually got told it was rude to have a registry. I know its not but it was still confusing. Not having one I don’t think is too big of a problem, it never bothers me. I do think its kindof rude to be pissy with someone for making the burden less on them.

Post # 12
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It actually wasn’t feasible for my husband and I to have a gift registry. He lives in the UK, and I’ll be moving there at the end of the year. Physical gifts meant shipping them, and believe me, shipping what I own now, plus the $$ for the visa/other expenses is more than enough! We did have a few complaints and wide eyes when we spoke about it to our respective family/friends–plus I was really uncomfortable asking for money–but once we explained it in a way they understood, they were fine with it. In fact, they surprised us with their generosity!

Post # 14
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I think if many people are flying to and staying over for your wedding, they might welcome not having to also feel like they have to give you a gift,especially since you’re telling them that up front. I think it’s odd that people would be annoyed or angry about no registry, and I would never think its ‘rude’. Why register just to make a few people happy if you really don’t need anything? People who want to give you a gift anyway, will. Simple as that.

Post # 15
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We don’t have a registry but I hope they can all come up with something  nice to offer. We will see.

Post # 16
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I was set on not having registries at all because I didn’t want to be like, “Get me this stuff.” But many family members expressed being stressed out by the idea of not having any clue what to get us, and even my maid of honor was taken aback and told me we needed at least one. So, I caved and set them up. Honestly, it seems people WANT to give you gifts when you get married and they want to have an idea of something tangible you’d like, rather than just money.

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