Post # 1
I spent some time with my ILs last weekend and I finally pinpointed why my relationship with my Mother-In-Law is a little stressful at times. As parents and as people, my mom and Mother-In-Law are COMPLETELY different. I think these differences are what makes our relationship stressful–her attitude and behavior is just so foriegn to me, so I don’t know how to react to it. I finally realized that even though they have common values and ideals, their personalities are just totally different.
My mom was always pretty hands-off, she treated us like adults and let us make our own decisions. Even as kids, we had some sort of say in our discipline and rules. As adults, we have a good ADULT relationship, where we speak like equals. She gives me her opinions, but never tells me what to do. At our wedding, she was just happy for me that I had found a partner and like “go, live your life! Be happy!”
My Mother-In-Law is a very sweet lady (minus some wedding related freakouts), but I think she’s a very sentimental person. She treats us like we’re still children, instead of married adults. She’s always checking up on us, like asking if we want to wear a jacket outside or warning us that we’ll spoil our dinner if we snack too much. At our wedding, his mom was very sentimental and cried a lot. She kept saying “my little boy is all grown up! (even though my husband is 33 years old!)
So are your parents and in-laws similar or different? Do they parent in the same way? How has that impacted your relationship with them?
Post # 3
Mine are definitely different. I had a single mom who worked multiple jobs to make sure we went to the best schools. His mom worked while she was single but quit her job when she remarried (even if the family fiances weren’t on the sunny side). It is often hard to put them in the same boat because my mom (who is also 10 years older) seems to be more worldly and his seems to have lived in a bubble. I love them both dearly, but they do not see eye-to-eye on a lot of things (like religion and politics) so I try to find ways to keep them on different topics.
My Fiance has made comments on how he would rather me be like my mom (independent, smart, hard-working) than his which I have taken as a huge compliment.
Post # 4
Mine are soo different it is ridiculous! They drive me crazy but are like jessie’s parents.
His parents and his entire family still think he’s a kid and he is living away from home, is in the military (and been deployed), and has his life into check while his two other older siblings live at home, have no future plans, and just nurse off both his parents and get treated more like an adult because they are older by age. It drives me crazy and his father treats me like I’m not going to last and actually told his son to leave me before his first deployment (we’re going on three years..). His older brother is able to have whoever sleep over and his parents freaked out when we visited and stayed (and we’re engaged).They aren’t big on family togetherness unless it means something for them. His family couldn’t bother to drive over to tx (so I know, it’s far) for Jerome’s military graduation. And, my whole family was there (including my aunt and grandma and well, we live farer)
My parents treat us like adults and know we have our life in check. They let us sleep together when we visit without complaint because of this.
Both, both our mothers are cryers…they cried when we got engaged and well, probably cry at our wedding. And, both of our parents would do anything if we needed to help out.
Post # 5
our mom’s are pretty much the same exact person, it’s scary. they’re typical jewish mom’s. i got very lucky with the inlaws. our dad’s are very different. his dad’s more reserved, mine’s more on the crazy side. but they’re both super sweet and always there for advice.
Post # 6
LITERALLY, the only thing my mom and Future Mother-In-Law have in common is that they were once married to a loud, short, hairy man. My dad died (and my mom now has a boyfriend) and Future Mother-In-Law divorced and is now a lesbian
Mom likes men, Future Mother-In-Law, women.
Mom is fit and healthy, Future Mother-In-Law is overweight and out of shape
Mom doesn’t drink, Future Mother-In-Law does like a fish’
Mom won’t say a WORD of gossip, Future Mother-In-Law lives by it
Mom is quiet and reserved, Future Mother-In-Law is ALWAYS the center of attention
I’m probably more like Future Mother-In-Law (I’m not fit by any means, I drink and I am more outgoing.) but I respect my mom so much more now since Future Mother-In-Law is so much to deal with (the Gossip alone makes me want to cry… she would sell a child for tomorrow’s gossip, I swear! One day you’re the goldne child, the next you’re being talked about to the rest of the siblings!) She also likes to use the whole “You hate me because I’m GAY” line. We have to be like, “NO, Future Mother-In-Law… you aren’t invited to Dad’s barbeque because it’s DAD’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.” (they are not on good terms whatsoever.) It gets really hard to deal with. I love my Mom. We’re all in IN, but my fam is in NJ… I miss her 🙁
Post # 7
Mine are complete polar opposites of each other. For one thing, there’s a huge age difference. My parents are very young and only 50 years old. His parents have already retired and are headed towards 70. My parents live in the suburbs, his parents live in an extremely rural area.
I think the biggest difference I notice is between my mom and Mother-In-Law. My mom has two girls (my sister and I) and Mother-In-Law has two boys. So my mom’s all into the dress, makeup, hair, DIY stuff and Mother-In-Law is just so confused. Also my mom is just a really outgoing and talkative person and Mother-In-Law is pretty shy.
So it’s definitely been interesting combining the two families :o)
Post # 8
VERY different. I don’t even know where to begin. My parents can be abrasive, showy, and materialistic, yet very generous and sweet. They try hard, really =]. But also tend to try to inadvertently tell us what to do but prefacing it by saying “now i’m not telling you what to do”….They’e also very “look what we have”. His family is warm and friendly but blunt like me. They don’t feel the need to entertain like mine do so everything is more relaxed. Beer at Christmas! I was shocked. And pleased! It’s easier to point out my familys’ quirks in comparison to his, but not the other way around. I don’t spend a ton of time with his family right now. The biggest difference I see is the financial differences between his family and mine. My family does things a specific way–Christmas and Thanksgiving on real china, big diamonds, etc. And his family has normal food like pasta and whatnot for holidays. I’m still adjusting to a more casual, midwest, homey style of things. They think i’m a freak though b/c i don’t like bbq but love sushi. *eye roll*. It gets a little annoying being the one who constantly brings fancy food to the get-togethers (homemade cheesecake, tiramisu, you know, NICE food) and have it not be appreciated because it’s not simple.One day I will win!
Post # 9
There are some similarities and some differences. The big picture-they are alike but in the details they are different. My mom-was controlling. His mom-she still fusses over us-calls us to check on us after a bad storm, helped out financially when we were going through really rough period, etc. but lets us live our lives. Both of our dads are pretty quiet and laid back.
Post # 10
My Parents and my Future In-Laws are soooooo similar it is scary!!!!
Our mom’s are reserved, quiet and very laid back (they were the pushovers that always said YES!)
Our Dad’s are VERY opinionated, outgoing and confrontational. So when they are together and talking sports there can be some fireworks
We have such a similar upbringing it is scary Mr. M is an immigrant himself he moved to Canada From England when he was 7 and my parents are Immigrants that moved to Canada before I was born from a British Colony so I am guessing it is the British values that makes them soooo similar. We have the same values, similar political beliefs and worldly beliefs! We are both a mixture of our parents not one or the other but I am probably more my dad and he is probably more his mom! But I think it is amazing that our families are so similar because they both have treated us like adults for as long as I can remember and we both have GREAT relationships with all of them!
Post # 11
Lol does anyone like their FI’s family better than their own sometimes? My mom and I have a tense relationship and I lovvvve my Mother-In-Law. Fiance has a great big extended family and they are all fabulous.
Post # 12
Our families are about as different as they come. I lived with my Future In-Laws for 2 years and it was like moving to a foreign contry! They just handle things so differently then my parents do. On the upside, it was a great test of my patience. I think we’ll make it after all.
Post # 13
They’re similar in that their politics are on the conservative side, but that’s where it ends. My parents aren’t really social conservatives (they believe in gay marriage, abortion, etc.) where his parents are for sure. We don’t really talk politics with them. My parents aren’t the hugy-touchy “I love you” variety, where his are. We don’t curse in front of his parents, my parents curse like sailors.
Post # 14
they’re very different: my parents are a little judgemental and sometimes they tend to be very strict and serious, but my in-laws are really carefree and they’re always making jokes… My mom always try to hide her feelings, so not many tears have been shared between us, but my Mother-In-Law it’s very sentimental and she’s like always hugging me! so far, it’s been a little bit hard to make them spend more time together so they’ll bond or something, but we live in diff cities.
Post # 15
%100 different in almost every way, except that they all love my Fiance and me unconditionally!
Post # 16
I’m an only child of a single Mom who’s only 18 years older than me. He’s the baby boy of a typical family, Mom doesn’t work, Dad’s a teacher.
My Mother couldn’t be happier to see me so happy and she LOVES my husband.
His Mother thinks of me as the “bi^#* that took her baby away”
My Mother threw a party for close family and friends for our engagement.
His Mother gave us a book with an inscription from her that started “we fall in love with our Mother’s first” ummm…yeah!
My Mother has never metioned any of my ex’s because, why would you???
His Mother continues, even after we’re married to talk about who he could have married and/or dated.
My Mother is so excited that I get to be an Aunt and spoil my niece and nephew!
His Mother is constantly telling the kids “she can’t take your Nana’s place”
I’ll stop here. To end on a positive…I adore his Father! And all monster in law issues aside, she really does love her son.