Post # 1
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
Fiance and I have decided to allow spanking to be a part of our disciplining for our child/future children. Not on an every day/every time they step out of line type thing. More like a last resort, or if they are doing anything that may harm themselves or others, (i.e. running out into the road by themselves) or blatantly disrespecting/pushing buttons towards Fiance and I (when they are a little older, say 5-6, and know better but are choosing to conitnue behavior anyways)
This is not a question on whether it is right or wrong. I hope this does not turn into a bad parent if you do, bad parent if you don’t debate. Just wanting to get some inside on what some others plan to do as their discipline.
If you do not plan to spank what alternatives do you plan to use?
Do you have any experiences being raised by spanking parents? Good? bad?
My parent’s spanked me for a lot of the same reasons Fiance and I plan to as necessary. I learned very quickly not to run into the road, not to throw things at the heads of my brother’s and sister’s and that public tantrums are NOT tolerated. I don’t feel that I was ever beaten. Nor was I spanked without, what I now believe, is good reason. I also, think that some of those lessons I would not have digested well enough had I not been spanked for it.
Also, how you (general you) choose to raise your children is your business and yours alone. If you just wish to vote in the poll, comments are not necessary. Please, no bashing each other ladies. 🙂
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
I was spanked as a kid and i’m not 100% against it but I don’t thinik it’s necessary. I think you can talk to your child and figure out what works best as discipline with them instead of using fear to teach them a lesson. My mom used to use a belt on me and it really didn’t do anything except make me mad. What really got my attention was when she took away my computer, cell phone, car, etc.
I don’t want my kids to be afraid of me like I was of my mom when she got mad. It’s not a way to live.
ETA: My husband was punished a little too severe for my liking and i’m concerned that if I allowed spanking in my house it could turn into something really violent. I love my husband to death but he acts quickly when he’s angry and I don’t want spanking as an option.
Post # 4
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper
No, I don’t believe in corporal punishment. I know I will be a fairly strict parent though. There will be timeouts and other consequences.
My parents did not spank.
Post # 5
Member
4581 posts
Honey bee
I voted “We don’t know yet” because we’ve discussed it several times and we always disagree. DH was spanked as a kid and he believes it can be an important disciplinary tool in certain situations. I was not spanked and I see it as cruel. I would never want to intentionally cause my child pain, no matter how bad they’ve been. So we’re continuing to struggle with this issue.
Post # 6
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
@Birdee106: +1
I will not spank because my dad did. My mom used time outs instead. I listened to my mom better, and until I was much older I didn’t have a good relationship with my dad. I have to think it had something to do with him always being the “bad cop”
Post # 7
Member
6511 posts
Bee Keeper
We will spank, but only as a last resort, and only as a controlled, calm punishment. We will never hit our child impulsively or out of anger.
Post # 8
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
@Birdee106: This is mostly for younger children. If we use spanking it will be used between 3-maybe 7 years old or so. I don’t plan to allow my 6 year old to have a car, computer, phone etc. so what other ways of discipline do you intend to use for those ages? Curiosity so that I may use some of those ideas for my child/children.
Post # 9
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
@sarahbabs: And that’s what we plan to use it for. Not a “fear me as I am parent” type thing. I never “feared” my parents due to the few and far between spankings I received. I feared that spanking and most definitely decided I would never do those things again. And didn’t
Post # 10
Member
5843 posts
Bee Keeper
I’m more open to it as a last resort than DH is so I voted “it’s not out of the question”. I was spanked as a child (only my mother ever did it) and I’m not scarred or anything. Timeouts weren’t really that effective with me and my little brother would have been run over by a car if she hadn’t spanked him a few times.
Post # 11
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
@BushelAndAPeck: I think time outs are really good for young kids. Take away their toys. Don’t let them watch tv. Anything other than fear. You have to show them that you love them but they acted poorly so they don’t get to do what they want for awhile. All spanking teachs them is that mom/dad is mad and they hit when they are mad. If you’re bad then you should be punished with violence.
Post # 12
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
Fiance and I believe sometimes a little smack does more than trying to rationalize with a child can. That said, IMO, it’s not something that’s to be done unless there are certain conditions, and I don’t think it is something I’d ever do once the child is older than 8ish. I do feel like this generation of children feels more entitled and more ready to challenge authority than I ever was as a kid, and sometimes a smack says just that; What I say goes, end of story. Sometimes, it really is “because I said so”.
Post # 13
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
@joya_aspera: My brother and his Fiance use timeouts and doesn’t seem to work most times. Now I understand that may have a lot to do with their lack of consitency with discipline, but it just doesn’t seem to work for my neice. Do you have any other options that I may try to use?
Post # 14
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
DH and I were both spanked as kids, and we grew up just fine! We were not abused, just spanked occasionally for bad behavior. That said, we have decided not to spank our children, and to try to reason it out, do time outs, take away toys and priveleges, that sort of thing. My sister was spanked much more than I was, and she still acted out a LOT more than i did. But we haven’t ruled it completely out. We have agreed that it would be an absolute last resort and we are really hoping it won’t get to that point.
Post # 15
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
No, I don’t believe in corporal punishment. I think there are plenty of other ways to discipline your children other than causing them physical pain (time outs, not letting them play with a certain toy for a certain amount of time, etc). I was not spanked as a child, and as far as I know, neither was DH.
Post # 16
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
I’m not 100% sure yet. While my gut reaction is “I was spanked and I turned out fine,” the older I get and the more I think about it, I didn’t turn out fine. I had a lot of emotional issues and social issues that I had to work through over the years and we (therapist included) believe part of it stemmed from spanking as a child. My parents were shitty at it. While I was never beaten, I was the type of child that should not have been spanked. Being spanked caused me emotional distress. Long term, extreme emotional distress. I was the child that should have been spoken to, who should have had a parent willing to listen to them, who should have had alternate forms of discipline. And while not every child is me I do believe that in the future spanking will be an absolute last resort in our future family. Yes, I’m a fully functioning adult who (now) has successful relationships and a successful career. Spanking didn’t take that from me. But it did give me some giant emotional roadblocks, tons of childhood stress, and a poor relationship with my parents because I was never able to bond with them properly. Not to mention I don’t respect or trust their decision making abilities, and don’t feel they’re competent disciplinarians. And because of those things I tolerated some horrible, abusive relationships because I suffered from acute shame, a lack of self confidence, and didn’t feel I could reach out to my parents for guidance.
Just my 2 cents on why we most likely will not be spanking.