(Closed) Are you/Will you be spanking parents?

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: do you plan to spank if you deem it as necessary?

    no, we do not plan to spank no matter the reason

    We don't know yet

    Has not been discussed but interesting topic

    we are CFBC but i like polls

    It's not out of the question,

    yes, we plan to spank if necessary

  • Post # 32
    Member
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    @theone99:  +1.  i was never spanked…. i like to think that i behaved much better because my parents were a real constant presence in my life and treated me as an equal rather than a subordinant.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @theone99:  Same here. This is one of the issues I had with my parents. They believed that spanking alone communicated that the behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated. And while that’s *kinda* true, it left me a little desperate for them to just talk to me, to let me know they still loved me and that they just didn’t love my behavior. It can be a slippery slope.

    Post # 34
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    ABSOLUTELY NOT. I think it’s the worst way to discipline your child. You don’t need to use physical force to get a message across, even as a ‘last resort’. I was hit (not on the bum) on a very regular basis for years and it made me terrified, insecure and anxious. To this day, I have difficulty coping with things the way average adults would. I know that’s not necessarily the same as spanking on the bum, but it’s still physical force. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    @Birdee106:  I sort of agree. I can see here how a gut reaction in the parent might be to spank the child.

    I actually ran out into the road once and my mom hauled me back my arm which kind of hurt but was not her intention. She said something to me and I don’t remember any of the words. Her crazed expression on her face with boggled eyes and funny voice let me know clearly enough that it was a very, very bad idea. The fact that I remember her expression that clearly even now shows that she didn’t fail me by not spanking me.

    Now if she made that crazy expression/voice for everything she disapproved of… it wouldn’t work the same way in that moment. But what really makes an impression on a kid is all relative to what normally happens. It doesn’t have to be a smack.

    Post # 36
    Member
    6013 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @BushelAndAPeck:  My son has gotten a whack when its absolutely necessary. Nothing harsh or abusive, but he knows its not unheard of to get whacked if he’s out of line and nothing else has worked. He pushes it sometimes and knows the limits, so majority of the time it’s not necessary. But he has pushed too far on occasion and its happened.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee

    Nope. We weren’t spanked as children but we did have to stand in the corner when we misbehaved. The idea of a timeout where there was nothing to look at but the corner of the wall and you had to stand still, not sit was embarassing and it seemed like FOREVER when you were in there. Also, my father’s voice of quiet disappointment was the most effective discipline on all of us. The shame was pretty intense and you learned quickly what you did wrong.

    Brother-In-Law and SIL spank their 4 year old and always have. He ASKS to be spanked and has had huge problems with acting out for attention. I’d never really known anyone who spanked their kids before him and it was enough to convince DH and I that we would not be using it with our kids.

    Post # 38
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

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    @joya_aspera:  No, I totally agree. It’s not like I would calmly walk out and get my child and sit down and have some sweet talk. I would freak out and yell (not that yelling is great) and make sure my kid knew how scary that is. But I don’t think spanking is a solution to that.

    Post # 39
    Member
    9076 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I was spanked.

    Husband was spanked.

    We’ll be spankers — it worked for us.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

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    @Mrs_Amanda:  Yes, it was the same with my sister and I, although I’m the good one 😉

    Literally, no punishments worked for her. She would sit in time out with a smile on her face and then go right back to what she was doing. Taking away toys didn’t work, expressing disappointment didn’t work. Once, while in time out (I’m 15 years older), she told me and my mom “Even if I just sit here, I can still think. You can’t make me not think.” She was FOUR! She was spanked a few times for trying to do things that were dangerous, even after explaining how it would hurt her etc.

     Honestly, I don’t want to spank my children, and neither does Fiance as we don’t believe in corporal punishment. If I get a child like my sister I suppose I’ll have to be really creative in coming up with alternative means of punishment and reward.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I was never spanked, although my dad did threaten it once.  My hubby was spanked occasionally.  We don’t spank “our” children (his children), although he has threatened it but the threat was enough to change the behavior. (ie. to be clear, it was not an empty threat)

    It just doesn’t sit right with me to use pain and humiliation as tools of punishment or behaviour modification although I would never say “never”.  It certainly wouldn’t be among my preferred choices of punishment.  As a PP said, I think it also hugely depends on the child and their personality.  Different techniques work well for different personality types.  We really believe in raising well-mannered, respectful kids that have boundaries and concern for others.  Way too many kids running around these days could benefit from a firmer parental guidance, but I’m not sure that spanking is necessary in most, or even any, cases.

    I also think that it’s too easy to spank out of frustration or anger. Bit of a slippery slope in my books.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My parents spanked my siblings and I, but only as a last resort.  If you got spanked, you knew that you messed up!  But, they always explained WHY we were getting punished before anything happened.  I don’t feel like I was beaten or like it was child abuse at all.  For the most part, they used timeouts, taking away videogames or TV (for me it was books!), missing time with friends, etc. My DH and I haven’t really talked about it a lot, but both of our parents used the same discipline methods, so I think we’ll probably do the same. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    7768 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    DEFINITELY not the way I was spanked- as in, beat with things and chased with anger and filled with fear.  Good God no! 

    I don’t think we will.  If some parents feel it is necessary I know there are some good rules to apply: For instance: never spank out of anger, give a warning first, make sure they understand why it is happening- things like that.  But for the most part I think it is kind of disturbing and inappropriate.  I hope and feel we can mitagate situations with alternative methods.  I taught 4 year olds at a private school and have a lot of experience from raising my sister and being a nanny for many families and the thought of spanking is completely inappropriate in my mind.  There are much more intelligent methods.  Being straightforward, clear, firm, and honest along with giving children “breaks” (vs. calling them “timeouts”) was incredibly effective. 

    I don’t even like spanking my dog!

    Post # 44
    Member
    5217 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    @Follydust321:  LOL- that was me! I was like that when I was around 4, the good news is that as I got older, I calmed down A LOT and became pretty shy and introverted compared to how outgoing and BAD I was as a kid!

    Post # 45
    Member
    1709 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    If need be, spanking will commence.  I was spanked and I am just fine (as is FI).

    Post # 46
    Member
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m going to try not to spank my children and use timeouts to teach them instead. I also want to take the time to explain to my child why they can’t do what they did, so they can use reasoning in their future decisions. 

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