Post # 77
I’m not against it. I was spanked. Looking back, I know it definitely wasn’t necessary, not for me at least. It didn’t change my behavior because I felt like it was unwarranted and I’m still pretty sure it wasn’t deserved. My brother could have used some spanking, for sure. Depends on the kid. My stepdad would threaten and act on spanking over pretty much every small thing and all it did was make me afraid to leave my room. I would hope no one intends to spank to that degree, though. :/
SO and I swat our daughter’s diapered bum occasionally. It usually causes a “What? Frowny-face!” moment and she stops what ever she was doing that warranted the swat. But I’m not sure it’s really a long-term disciple plan, like is she going to be a better, responsible, disciplined person in life because I swat her diaper when she repeatedly did something she knows not to do? Probably not.
Post # 78
We most likely will, but for me it will depend on the child in question. I was spanked as a kid and I responded well to it. I actually only remember being spanked a handful of times because once I got spanked for something I made sure I never did it again. My brother on the other hand was spanked daily and it only made him behave even worse. He is now 100% against spanking and gets really mad when he see’s people spanking kids, and I really do think he’s scarred from it. It triggers bad memories for him.
I was a nanny to my mom’s ex boyfriends kids (I was basically their mom, and the youngest even called me mama.) I did have to spank them occasionally. The 4 year old responded fine to spankings, he wouldnt cry, but he would make sure he behaved better next time. The 6 year old was like my brother, you could probably spank her until your hand fell off and her butt was raw, but it wouldnt make her behave any better.
Post # 79
I actually want to frame this!
I was spanked. I have no intention of spanking my children, for reasons listed above. I’m not a parent yet, but I am a teacher, and spent years prior to teaching working with children with severe special needs. There are a tonne of things you can do without resorting to physical punishment.
We are a Kiwi – American couple. As MissSapphire said, in New Zealand (my country), it is illegal to smack/spank children. I think this is fantastic. We are more likely to be working and living in the US though, because FI’s industry doesn’t exist in New Zealand. This doesn’t mean no punishment – there are time outs/ removal of privileges etc., but frequently children, even young children, respond extremely well to discussion.
Post # 80
I was spanked as a child and don’t feel there are any lasting damages from it lol.
That being said……I can’t bring myself to spank the dog, so I don’t think it’s likely I would spank my child. Prior to having hte dog, I would have said I probably would. Now that I have a little creature that is dependent on me, I just don’t see it happening.
Post # 81
As a child who was spanked, I totally needed it when I was a kid. Time outs? Pfft, daydreaming time. Electronics taken away? Pfft, I had books and school paper upon which I could draw.
I believe in spanking when nothing else works, and there are children *raises hand* upon which nothing else works.
That said, I’ve tried time outs on my daughters, the really long ones where they just sit there, and if they move, the time starts over, and if they refuse to do what they were told, they get another time out… again, wouldn’t have worked on me, but it certainly works on them. It’s just SO time consuming, when you might have something else you need to be doing. But, hey, what works works. I’ve also spanked them, though not nearly as much, or as often as I got it, and only with my hand.
Post # 83
@Birdee106: All spanking teachs them is that mom/dad is mad and they hit when they are mad.
I disagree. I was spanked and that’s not what spanking taught me – Typically, effective spanking does not involving hitting when mad. There’s a line between punishment and abuse. And FWIW, I’m estranged from my father at this point in my life, he did all the spanking and I wouldn’t call him abusive; it played no role in our estrangement. So there’s not necessarily long-term fearful consequences.
Jury’s out on whether I would ever spank any hypothetical children. I would like to say no, but some children’t personalities don’t really allow for shame or time-out or rationalizing. Also, at a younger age when concepts like safety don’t click, appropriate physical punishment can be the most salient reminder that something is inappropriate and break that behavior. Like many PPs said, depends on the kids and what works with them – I don’t think there’s really a good across-the-board answer as long as you’re not crossing the line into abusing your child.
Post # 84
haha you were bad! Yet, I am laughing so I guess that makes me just as bad too!
Post # 85
I don’t have any backlash for you – just wanted to point out that the terms in which you refer to spanking (hitting when angry, big people abusing little people, loss of control) do not align with my views on spanking if I ever engaged in it as a punishment – I read later that you disagree with rational spanking, which is fine, but I think the situations you described somewhat border abuse if you are not in control of the situation when you strike someone.
Post # 86
No kids yet, and not sure. I don’t think it’s a bad thing for kids to “fear” their parents. What I mean is that they fear disappointing them. I was spanked once or twice when I was a kid. My parents always came a talked to us afterwards about why they did it, and it was after NUMEROUS attempts to try and change my behavior, never an immediate reaction.
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I think that every child is different and will require different disciplinary actions. I’ve been in the social work field for many years and I’ve seen a MAJOR decline in terms of respect for elders, authority, parents, etc. I’m not saying this has to do with spanking directly, but I do think that some parents try to be friends to their kids and treat their homes like a democracy, and I think that’s a disservice to most (not all) kids. You can be friends when they’re older and out of the house. Until then, you’re a parent.
Post # 87
This is interesting to me, as I recently had this conversation with a co-worker. I was brought up in a family that used spanking as punishment. And I am in total support of parents who choose to use this as a form of punishment.
However, I think this type of punishment should only be used as a last resort, and after getting to know the childs ability to comprehend right and wrong, and their personality. My brother was rarely spanked. He was generally well-behaved, and responded to verbal reprimands and time outs. I, however, did not. I was pretty poorly-behaved as a kid, and even had to go to a child councilor because I was so out of control. Therefore, when I really misbehaved or was defiant (and I mean REALLY) I got spankings, the leather belt on a bare butt, and soap in my mouth.
Do I resent my parents? No. Do I have the urge to hit people when angry? Absolutely not. Do I think spanking should be the first line of punishment for children? Heck no.
What I do believe is that my parents needed to use methods that I understood and respected. I am extremely close to both my mom and dad, and have absolutely no hard feelings. If I were to ever have kids, I’d probably be ok with spanking, if that turned out to be the effective way to deal with major issues.
Post # 88
“I’ve always wondered, because my sister says the exact same thing, why is running into the road a reason to spank a child? Not saying your wrong or starting anything, i’m honestly curious why some people feel this way? If my kid ran into the street how is hitting them going to teach them something? You might have gotten hit by a car but here, let me hit you….?”
Because there’s no altenative. A 2 year old needs to know that they can’t do that. A lecture won’t work. And when you’re walking along a footpath or in a shopping centre car park, there’s no time out spot.
“You might have gotten hit by a car but here, let me hit you” – a smack does not cause physical harm, there is huge difference.
And finally… a not so hypothetical because I’ve been there: You’re in a car park, trying to control 2 (or more) preschool kids, and one wants to run across the road or car park. What is your alternative suggestion?
Post # 89
No way, I would never hit my child.
Post # 90
I never hit my child. I used timeouts. She is 22 and well adjusted. I would never agree corporal punishment as a form of discipline.
Post # 91
Tagging so I can keep up.