Post # 1
I’ve seen a lot of posts from Bees who have kept their names (I was surprised, because I still thought most brides changed names), and just wanted to take a general survey.
Regardless of your decision, how did you announce your intentions? Were there any unexpected consequences?
I’m keeping mine. I’d intended to move my maiden name to my middle name, but still use my maiden name professionally. But I’ve decided to just keep it. I’m an attorney in my 30s, and its just easier that way (and I’m the only “young” person in my family with the name, we were all girls and everyone else changed names). We have a tab on our wedding website called “the name question” where I let everyone know I’m keeping my name (and I mention that Fiance will also be keeping his, and that our dog has a hyphenated last name 🙂 My sister (who took her husband’s name and is a religious conservative) was offended when I told her, before we were even engaged, that I was keeping my name. She said that we are becoming one, so I should take it. Fiance replied with, “No, that’s just her becoming me!” I’m a dyed in the wool feminist, so he got a huge hug 🙂 I’m prepared for people calling me Mrs. HisLast, and I’ll politely correct them, but I cringe at the notion of being called Mrs. HisFirst HisLast. Married name-keepers– how do you respond to this? I will make it VERY clear to our DJ of how to announce us, as I will be so, so, so, upset if he announces us as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I use Ms. now, and plan to use Ms. then. We plan to hyphenate children’s names.
My great-aunt lived in Germany and went to med school while the Nazis were in power (amazing to me that a woman would go to med school back then; she was also locked up twice by the Nazis). She married later in life, and hyphenated her name since she was known as Frau Dr. HerName. I was so very impressed, when we went to her grave after her funeral, to see that her husband (we’d never met), who was buried next to her, had also hyphenated HIS name so they had the same name. Anyone have a Fiance who will take on YOUR name (or some portion thereof)?
Post # 3
I changed my name, and as that’s the “traditional” route, there was no need to announce. I still struggled a bit with the choice, so I totally understand and respect your decision to keep yours. It’s tough either way!
Post # 4
He was going to take mine but I actually call him Hisfirst Hislast more than I call him just Hisfirst, so weI figured it would be pretty silly to change.
Post # 5
My Mister has a hyphenated last name, which, like your Grandmother, I was surprised to learn that his father and mother both took the hyphenated name. I like this. It reaffirms partnership and helps move away from the concept that a woman’s identity is based on the man’s identity, a horrible misconception that permeates our society!
But it makes this a harder decision because I don’t think either of us want to add another name and another hyphen in what’s already a long last name (and already a source of a lot of confusion, since one of his two last names is a name that can also be a first name, and hotel check-in is always a treat).
So I haven’t decided yet. The Mr doesn’t have a preference– I can call myself Pie in the Sky if I want, and he’ll be OK with that– but whatever happens to my name won’t be until months after the wedding, as we’ve already got International travel booked under my current name and I’m not going to mess around with anything till there’s no airline tickets involved!
Post # 6
I kept mine. It identifies ME!
Post # 7
I kept mine! I think it’s funny how angry that makes some people haha!
Post # 8
I am changing my name though I love my current last name. I am very traditional. I just see things a bit different than other people, I guess. I figured that if you didn’t want to take another’s last name then you shouldn’t get married. You might as well be together, but you’re own individual.
ETA: I love the bees that haven’t changed their last name and I don’t look at you differently. I know everyone has their own way of thinking and I completely respect that.
Post # 9
I struggled with this one. But in the end, since we want to have kids, I thought it was the easiest to change my name. Plus I have a brother and sister (whereas my Darling Husband is a only child) as far as carrying on the family name goes.
I seriously considered dropping my middle name and using my maiden name as my middle name – I still wonder if I should have done that. But as my Darling Husband pointed out at the time, I have a lot of attachment to my middle name so I just went the fully-traditional route.
That said, it still drives me nuts when I’m addressed as Mrs. HisFirst HisLast. I only gave up my family name – not MY name!!!
Post # 10
I changed my name to my husband’s. I never really liked my old name. It was Italian… we must have had someone Italian somewhere in our family tree, but overall we’re Czech, German and Austrian, so my name didn’t really suit me anyway. Also it was long and people had trouble spelling and pronouncing it. My new name is Czech and it is much shorter and usually easy for people to pronounce.
I always thought I would change my name when I got married anyhow. To me, it’s just what you do. I’m traditional in that way, I guess.
I didn’t have to announce my intentions at all. Everyone started calling me by my new name as soon as I got back from the honeymoon.
Post # 11
We are considering doing just what your Grandmother did – we are hypernating both names and will both change to it. Fiance says why should I be asked to do something he is not willing to! 🙂
Post # 12
Am keeping mine. Don’t care if people call me Mrs X, but my professional name (and name in every orther way) is staying the same. It’s been good enough for almost 30 years, and I was born that way, so why not? Our kids will probably take FIs name though. Doesn’t bother me.
Post # 13
I’m keeping mine, and I also don’t think I would be offended if people call me Mrs. Fiance’s Last either. However, if I know people do it over and over again knowingly, that may be a different story!
Post # 14
I’m struggling with this because he’s been married before and his ex kept his last name even after the divorce. It’s hard for me knowing that not only am I not his first wife, but I’m also not the only one with his last name. (Not saying in the world, because he has a popular last name. But his ex wife having it still makes me feel like there’s two Mrs.) It just really bothers me. I think I’m still going to take his name though because he looked so upset and mad when we talked about me not taking it. I had to explain to him how I felt about it which he understood to an extent.
Has anyone else ever had this problem? If so how did you handle it? I could use some help/advice. Thank you!
Post # 15
If my sister was so adamantly against my decision to keep my name (and formerly her name), I can only imagine what other people are thinking (or saying behind my back). It’s not about us not wanting to be together, or not fully “becoming one.” I would gladly change my name, if he was also changing his and we both had new names together (hyphenated, brand new one, whatever). I just think it’s a silly tradition that only the woman is expected to change it, and I really don’t like the woman-as-property roots of it. (I also don’t like the roots of the giving-away tradition, and Fiance and I are bucking that one by walking down the aisle together). But that’s just me. Different strokes for different folks!
Post # 16
Definitely changing name and ditching maiden name! Its one of the things I’m most looking forward to once were married.
I’m estranged from my father and have been most of my life and I have his last name, I’ve wanted to change it since I was a teenager and now that I’m getting married I’m going get to 🙂
No offense to anyone who doesn’t want to change their name, it just seems to me that when you get married you should take your husbands name.