(Closed) aren't bridesmaids supposed to help?

posted 3 years ago in Australia
  • poll: is my mother right




  • Post # 2
    2843 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    Your mom is being ridiculous. 

    Post # 3
    465 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    That’s stupid. You’re mom sounds old fashion and selfish.

    Post # 4
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    1) Bridesmaids donʻt have to do everything with you, they CAN just wear the dress and be there on the day-of BUT it is quite fun if you have a friend to experience it all with 🙂

    2) the flower girl is whoever you want it to be

    Post # 5
    1176 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Your mom is right that BM’s don’t “have” to do anything other than wear what you picked and show up. But it is nice that your Bridesmaid or Best Man is a lot more involved. The Flower Girl doesn’t have to be family. It is whoever you and your FH select. 

    Post # 6
    2668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Your mother is correct in that the only requirements of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor is that they wear the dress of your choosing and turn up on time, but if they would like to be more involved there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

    There is absolutely no “rules” on who can be a Flower Girl and who can’t, so you’re mother is dead wrong on that one. If you want your friend’s daughter to do it and not your nieces, then that is who you go with.

    Is your mother perhaps feeling left out of the planning? Perhaps she thought she would be more involved than she actually is? This doesn’t mean that the way she’s carrying on is right (it’s not), but it could explain her motivations a little.

    Post # 7
    2789 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    Your mother is out of line.  Bridesmaids don’t *have* to be involved, but if they choose to be then that’s awesome.  Mine were both in New Zealand (I’m in Australia) so they weren’t able to be but would have been if they were closer.

    As for the flowergirl thing, absolutely not.  I had three page boys and a flower girl; two of the page boys did happen to be my nephews, but the other one and the flower girl were my best friend’s kids – she was my bridesmaid.  I think it’s really lovely that you’ve included your best friend’s little girl in the ceremony.

    Post # 8
    9399 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    your mom is right that that is all that bridesmaids are *required* to do.

    bridesmaids are totally allowed to go above and beyond, and you are allowed to take them up on their enthusiasm.

    (I voted WTF.. sounds like your mom is jelly if your BM)

    Post # 9
    3 posts
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I agree with you. I don’t believe the only role a bridesmaid is obligated to do is wear a dress and show up. If that were all you wanted them to do, then you could ask literally anyone. We instead ask our closest friends and family because we know (not expect) that they will go above and beyond to help us with the most important day of our life (within their limits). On that note, sounds like your friend is a bomb bridesmaid so don’t let your mom drag you down. As far as the flower girl goes, I’m from the south and tradition reigns here. Although it’s not totally inconcevable to have someone else as a bridesmaid we often do ask family members, but it’s ultimately your wedding. Do what makes YOU happy! Best of luck. 

    Post # 11
    2789 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    My sister had five flower girls and two pageboys.  They behaved beautifully.  If you want your best friend as a bridesmaid, tell your mother and sister to get stuffed and have her as a bridesmaid – she sounds like she’s being supportive and helpful, unlike your horrid mother and sister. It’s your day, not theirs.

    Post # 12
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I voted “no” they don’t have to do anything – but that certainly doesn’t mean they can’t help if you’re happy for them to do so. Your mother is being childish.

    Post # 13
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    View original reply
    macfitzy :  wait. what? You asked your best friend to be out of the wedding?  And you’re changing your wedding party because of this?? Whyyyyyyy 

    your wedding is YOUR wedding. Do what YOU want. I hope I simply misread your update. It makes me sad. 

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