Post # 47
@mrsbonez: That’s what I’m talking about with “delivery”. I’m sorry that your family just expects you and your Fiance to drop everything and show up to the wedding despite the fact that you’re saving for your own. There are a good number of weddings in my family this year (1 in March, 1 in May, & 1 in June which is the same month as our own wedding), too, two of which it’s unlikely that Fiance will make it to & possible that I won’t either. For the March wedding, I’m totally expected to make b/c the bride (my baby cousin! So happy for her) set her date 18 months in advance & before we were engaged. Fiance won’t be coming, tho’ and everybody seems to understand. The May wedding isn’t even set yet (an encore wedding, so the bride – my aunt – isn’t making a big deal of it) so it’s understood that really only local family are going to go (I’m 3,000 miles from home). The June wedding, I’m getting a little flack for because it’s the other side of the family. They get that we’re getting married only 3 weeks later, but are kinda laying the guilt trip on me (FI is completely excused – they LOVE him). In this last instance, my family’s “delivery” of the invite isn’t making me want to make the sacrifice to fly 3000 miles to go to my cousin’s wedding just 3 weeks prior to mine (as much as I love her & would LOVE to go). Like @rainbow said: if they’re not contributing to our wedding financially, they can’t insist that I show up. Hope your family’s wedding situation clears up…
On a side note, if you & Fiance are contemplating a Fri wedding, but don’t go to your family members’ Fri wedding, some other family members may view it as hypocritical. I don’t…hey, you do what you gotta do when it comes to planning a wedding, IMO…but just something to consider as you two plan.
Post # 48
My Fi actually works Tues-Sat and has had to take off work for every wedding we are invited to this summer whether it be a Friday wedding or a Sunday wedding.
The bride and groom can not accommodate everyone and so they have to choose a date that works for them (for whatever the reason) and hope that their loved ones can make it!
Post # 49
Thank you for being considerate for your wedding and having your reasons why you would not have it on a Friday.
But I think your friend, may have other reasons for having it on a Friday. Either it be money, work, or availability reasons. I don’t think she chose a Friday to screw everyone over.
I don’t think you should bend over backwards to make her wedding if you can’t make it. If you really want to see her married and it’s not a big problem to take off, then go. If you don’t want to go, there’s nothing wrong with declining.
I had a no kids wedding and I understood some people might not be able to go.
Post # 50
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
I think at the heart of this is people assuming things on both sides.
@Girl: I agree with your point, but I don’t think it’s judgemental for someone to say, “There are very few people in my life who would come to a wedding no matter what day I could have it, and those people are valuable to me.”
That isn’t at all the same as assuming that people don’t care about your wedding if they can’t make it. Who are we, as hosts, to make that assumption about someone else? We extend the gesture and it is theirs to reciprocate or not; why or how they make that decision is really none of our business.
Similarly, if you are a guest trying to decide whether to attend a wedding, that is YOUR decision to make. If you can’t go or can’t afford to go, and you stay home, that is your decision. It is insulting to the host to blame them for that.
Post # 51
Just as with a Sunday wedding, a Friday wedding is more inconvenient for more guests than a Saturday wedding. I personally don’t think that should be a controversial statement. But not all of the choices we make are for our guests convenience. I know I am making choices (like having a wedding 3 hours away from the nearest airport) that are not convenient for many of my guests.
Even the best hostess cannot accomodate everyone. The best thing to do is to make the decision that is best for your situation, then massage around the edges to make things as easy as possible, considering. For me, that requires a super detailed website and active help with travel arrangements. For Friday Bees, the consensus seems to be later evening events. All is good.
Post # 52
I’d just like to chime in and say we are saving NO MONEY by having a Friday night wedding. I wish we were but no.
It’s just that all of the venues that could accomodate us were booked solid a year in advance on Saturday. You try getting married in Vegas on a Saturday night if you aren’t using a 24 hour chapel!!! And that’s Vegas people where there are thousands of weddings every day. I imagine places book up on Saturdays in other places too!
My wedding is a destination wedding for 100% of the guests, so that inconveniences everyone involved anyway. We all do our best to do what we can but at the end of the day, if a guest finds the day, time, or place of the wedding inconvenient and can’t make it, then they can’t.
Post # 53
Sorry – I got a little steamed. I am just so sick of everything everyone does being inconvenient. I am honored when someone invites me to their wedding and I never think about if it is convenient for me. It’s not about me.
I am invited to three Saturday weddings this year I can’t go to any of them either. We don’t all work M-F 9-5 jobs as someone else posted here.
Post # 54
Each couple has to pick what works best for them. You are never going to make everyone happy, just make sure you make yourself happy. I had a friend get married on a Monday in Mexico, but we still went and made it a fun trip for all of us.
We’re having a Friday night wedding and I totally understand if people can’t make it, but I also know that a lot of those people wouldn’t be able to make it anyway because they would have to travel so far. And it’s ok. They would come if they could.
We carefully weighed the pros and cons of having a Friday night wedding and one of the major pros is that we get more time to spend with all of the people who have traveled so far to celebrate with us. So many of the weddings that I have gone to over the years, I have hardly spent any time with the bride/groom because they were super busy before the wedding and we had to get up and catch a flight home on Sunday morning. We’re having an open house on Saturday so we get to spend more time with people and they don’t have to rush off the next morning.
Post # 55
I’m having a Friday wedding. We started considering it because we’re one a small budget and both have huge families. I admit I was concerned that it might rub people the wrong way. My fiance and I talked about it with our parents and our closest family members though, and everyone was completely supportive about it. Our out of town guests shared that they probably would have made Friday a travel day anyway … and now they’re just planning to take the red eye on Thursday or even fly in Friday morning. We’re really excited to spend the weekend with them before they have to fly home.
Unfortunately, I think we all have to draw the line somewhere and realize what the day is about. It’s not about having the most people possible, it’s about commiting to eachother. I will 110% understand when the No’s start coming in, and I will feel 110% blessed by each and every person who is making a sacrifice to come.
One more thing … I was hoping it would save us money by having a Friday wedding, but in reality I think it’s saving us about $750 total …… *oh well* 🙂
Post # 56
- Wedding: August 2014 - Traverse City
Our original wedding date was set for a Saturday, but then when we came across our dream venue, all summer Saturdays were booked. With my school schedule, there’s literally just two weeks I have off between semesters–enough time to get married and honeymoon. So, we decided to do it on Friday August 23rd instead of the 24th. Sorry, after searching for more than 3 months, I wasn’t about to walk away from my dream venue. So Friday it is 🙂 It’s in Traverse City, 3 hours from where we live, but even if we had the wedding “locally”, it would still be out of town for nearly all our guests, so I don’t think where we are having it is going to make that much of a difference.