(Closed) Are/were you ready to take his name?

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 62
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@Baroness_Meg:  I haven’t changed anything either.  In my husband’s culture, women keep their maiden name after marriage, which is what he encouraged me to do.

Post # 63
Member
19 posts
Newbee

@BurlapnLace:  I have a strong Irish name as well. I adore my name. I’m not changing it. End of story. No hypen, no taking it as my middle name. It’s my name!

My bf didn’t understand, until I said, how would you feel if you had to change your last name to mine? He made a funny face. Exactly! ;D

Post # 64
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@BurlapnLace:  Could you use your last name as a first name? (Maybe not if it’s O’Connor or something) My FI’s mom has a good, old Irish name and used it as my FI’s first name.

But to answer you question, I’m swapping my good ole German last name for the English version. Our names actually mean the same thing, but in different languages. Kind of cool.

Post # 65
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It was very important to my DH that I take his last name and the strength of his feelings was more than my feelings about wanting to keep my maiden name. So I just changed it.

 

Almost six months in and I still am not a fan of my SUPER COMMON (as in, probably 1 in 4 people in the English speaking world have this surname) name and miss my maiden name … also hate being called ‘Ma’am’ in the shops… bring back the ‘Miss’ !! I’m still young! LOL

Post # 66
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

My grandmom had 8 children but as luck would have it there are only three males with the last name: one cousin so socially inept he will never find a wife in time to bear children (harsh but completely true, sadly), one cousin who is married but determined to never have kids, and my brother who is gay. Even if my brother was allowed to adopt with his Fiance I still don’t know how they would determine the child’s last name.

Despite all that I think I will be taking his name when the time comes. He said he wouldn’t care and would take mine but then he’d end up having the name of a very douchey celebrity which he didn’t like.

Post # 67
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m not that attached to my current last name – I always identified more with my grandma’s family, and to that surname – so I’m all for taking his name. It’s tradition where I’m from, and it’s the one piece of tradition that’s really going to happen at the wedding. 

I’m super attached to my middle name, so I will not lose that. It carries a piece of my grandma (who raised me) and her mom. Part of my middle name is passed down on the female side too, so it’s expected that if we have kids/if there’s a daughter she will also get a similar middle name. Same for any boys – there’s a middle name that gets passed down. That’s really all that matters for me, but that’s a family tradition. His family does not have any name-passing like that, but I do think they would be surprised and perhaps even concerned if I did not take his last name. 

Post # 68
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

I have been thinking a lot about this too! Honestly I’m still unsure about what I will do for several reasons: I LOVE my last name. It flows beautifully with my first name.

My father was the last person to carry on our family name and always expressed how grateful he was that he had children and carried on our name. I grew up very proud of my name and carrying our legacy. My brother may or may not have children and the idea of our name dying out makes me very sad. I like the idea of keeping my name and continuing to honor my dad and my family.

Also, I don’t want to do the maiden name to middle name thing but I also don’t think a hyphenated name is ideal. I have a 3 syllable 6 letter last name and FI’s last name is also 3 syllables and 8 letters. Although it would be relatively easy to pronounce as FI’s name is quite common the idea of a 14 letter (15 including the hyphen) just seems daunting. It took some convincing but Fiance is fine with me keeping my last name now. Still, I don’t think I want an entirely different name from him and our future children. I will probably end up hyphenating.

 

Post # 69
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I was SUPER excited to that my husband’s last name. But feeling this hesitation is entirely normal and there is no rush if you decide to do it at all. 

Post # 70
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve been married for about 4 months now, and thought about the name change for at least a year prior.  I’ve spent a lot of time considering the reasons to change and not to change, and have finally decided that I will NOT be changing my name.  It saddens me that a lot of people are writing that they didn’t want to change it, or felt sad about it, but did it anyways.  It definitely bothers me that there’s a social expectation to change your name.  While I’ve dealt with some of the older generation (including the in-laws) calling me by my married name, even though it’s clear that I haven’t changed it, I’ve also gotten a lot of “good for you” comments when I tell people that I won’t be changing my name.  

Here are several reasons I chose not to change it:

1. My generation is all girls, meaning there will be no more “tingles” in the next generation.  It’s my way of keeping the last name alive a little longer.

2. I’m Chinese and my last name is thus, a chinese name.  It would feel weird to have a non-chinese last name (my husband is white).  But more importantly, there’s a cultural tie to my name and with who I am and where I come from.

3. Practically speaking, I have a very short, simple last name.  My husband’s is extremely long, and no one ever knows how to pronounce it.

4. I’ll be honest and admit it really bothers me that a female has to give up her identity upon marriage.  I’m in my late 20s and am very connected to my name as a whole. 

People have also brought up the problems that you might encounter when you have kids… so here’s my solution: I am keeping my name until I have kids.  If and when I have kids, I will legally change my name to my husband’s, but I will retain my maiden name professionally.  My profession is for myself.  My role as a mother and the decision to have children and to have the most “family” environment possible is with my husband – so in their schools, etc, I will be known as Mrs. ____,  I’ve decided that wearing these two separate hats will work well for me.  It’s important to me to not lose my own identity in my marriage, but at the same time, if and when I chose to become a mother, I recognize the need to put a child’s needs first. 

Post # 71
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I struggled with this for a while too, even before we got engaged – but it didn’t become real to me until we started wedding planning! He got upset at first when I told him, and he’s still slightly bothered by it even though I’ve told him it’s not about taking his last name, it’s about losing mine if that makes sense.

Anyway after a few months of thinking about it (a TON) and talking it over with both my Fiance and mom, I decided to take his last name, and move my maiden to my second middle, so it’ll go : MyFirst MyMiddle MyMaiden HisLast. I can keep my last name professionally (all of my degrees, etc that are important to my profession are in my maiden name), and then to anyone reading my name, it’d be MyFirst HisLast, but I don’t have to give up any of my names, because they all are significant to me for different reasons. I think he’s finally ok with this! Men! Haha of course they think we should change our names, they don’t have to change anything and have no clue what it feels like 🙂

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