(Closed) ARG! This damn guest list!!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would sit down with your Fiance and show him the budget. Show him how much each extra person costs. Unless his parents are willing to contribute a significant amount to cover “their guests”, they should be able to invite them. Show them the budget as well. Let them know they are putting a financial hardship on your parents and you. The guest list should be divided into equal amounts of guests for each family, and anything over should be paid by whoever is inviting the extra guests.

Post # 4
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You’re absolutely right. You get first dibs on the guest list. Your parents follow, since they are essentially the primary hosts of the event (since they’re shelling out the $$). The groom’s parents get whatever allotment you and your parents give them (with the understanding that it is approached with some sense of fairness).

The answer to your dilemma is straightforward, though not necessariy simple: Work with your mom to establish a specific number of invitations that each of you will receive (you and your groom, your parents, his parents) and then tell his parents “You can invite XX number of people” and make them reduce their list to meet that number.

If they protest, hold your ground. I would simply say, “I’m so sorry, but that is the absolute maximum number we can accommodate at the venue.” Period.

Good luck!

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I just read your other post about wanting to invite additional people for just drinks and dancing, which is A. insulting to those guests, and B. over the venue limit. You need to approach both of your parents with this information, explaining, as long as you can pay for it, and the venue allows for it, you can invite people. But, seriously, by law, you cannot have more people in a venue than the fire marshall allows, and somebody has got to pay for them. You and your fiance should come up with a list of your friends who HAVE to be there and then allow the parents to divide up the list, as long as they can afford it. Put your foot down. Its a wedding, not a circus!

Post # 6
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am basically facing the same situation. I have no advice for you because I cannot seem to muster the nerve to tell Future Mother-In-Law that she can’t invite all those people because it’s over the capacity! But I wish you the best of luck and if you find a winning strategy, please tell us… 🙂

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