Post # 1
Newly engaged, haven’t even set the date yet and my BFF, who is also going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor just informed me that she wants her daughter to be a flower girl.
- Her daughter is already almost 10, so too old for flower girl
- My daughter is being my bridesmaid
- My other daughter is standing up as a best man with my sweetheart
- My entire wedding consists of twenty people, total and that includes the wedding party.
I don’t want her daughter in my wedding party, period. She is being invited even though it is an adults only situation and we aren’t inviting his adult or child nieces and nephews. I do not want my daughters times to shine in my wedding (they are 11 and 19) taken away by having an extra person there as a second bridesmaid or junior bridesmaid. I think that it is important that they have a really special part to play in the day, plus if I have her standing with us, it will be like half the people invited are in the wedding party.
I had to be all firm with my friend and tell her that no, her daughter was not going to be in the wedding, her daughter is devestated even though I never invited her to begin with. Am I being a bitch here? I do not want her child in my wedding party. It’s not like I am having a huge wedding where having one more person won’t even matter you know?
Post # 3
@His_Swallow: You aren’t being a bitch at all. It’s your wedding and you are supposed to be able to choose your party without having people place themselves or others in. I am shocked that she even put you in that position. 10 is old enough to understand that she is not part of the wedding party.
Post # 4
I think you need to speak with both of them. Tell the mom that its not part of your plans to have a flower girl and you tell the little girl that she is special to you, but unfortunately that isnt a position you are having in the wedding, but that you would love to have her XYZ… maybe hand out programs?
Post # 5
No no! YOu aren’t being a bitch at all! Tell her that while you would love to have her as a flower girl, you think she’s too old and you only want your children in the wedding. It’s going to be a small intimate affair and you only want your family there.
Post # 6
Oh my. Yeah, I agree that you aren’t being a bitch in the slightest. I think if you just explain the situation to her, she should understand. I mean, it’s your wedding. And it makes sense that your children should take priority. I agree, that if you want to try and appease her, you could have her hand out programs or something, but honestly, I can’t imagine that being necessary. At 10 she should understand.
Post # 7
i agree with the others, you did nothing wrong, and i think they will get over it.
Post # 8
Thank you everyone. I am sure that she will get over it too. I know that in part, this has more to do with my Maid/Matron of Honor personal life and the fact that she eloped without her daughter there and then played up the whole “when we have a wedding you can be my flower girl” thing with her daughter to appease her since she wasn’t at the ceremony. The wedding itself never happened, daughter never got to be the flower girl, I am supposed to use her in my wedding to make her daughter feel better and maybe ease her conscience.
Not going to happen. If I was having a large wedding, then it wouldn’t be a problem but because I am not, nope sorry no flower girl.
Post # 9
Good for you!! I’m glad you are standing firm. I’ve found it strange how other people’s “stuff” seems to surface during wedding planning (like your friends guilt).
p.s. 10 is definitely a little old for flower girl.
Post # 10
I am in total agreement that 10 is too old for a flower girl!
To spare feelings, I would give your MOH’s daughter another role so that your Maid/Matron of Honor and her daughter still feel included. I mean, this is your Maid/Matron of Honor, right, so pretty sure you care about her feelings and want to avoid drama.
You could do something simple, like make her in charge of the guest book, and then give her a small flower to wear or something like that, or even have her hand out programs. That way, she is a part of the wedding, but in such a removed way that it won’t bother you.
My two cents for what they’re worth.
Post # 11
Good for you! Who are these people who make demands of other people’s weddings?! It’s bizarre.