(Closed) ARGH- is anyone else surrounded by people who don't support themselves???

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@chicagoworkinggirl:  A lot of my friends fall in to that category.  One of my very best friends is turning 30 this year, has a 6 year old daughter, is unemployed, and lives at home.  He is the least motivated person I have ever met! He claims he can’t work due to anxiety and depression issues.  I was understanding for about a month, but he has now been out of work since JUNE.  He stopped actively seeking help, and now he just sits around playing WOW all day.  My heart breaks for his daughter because her mother is not much better off in life.  It’s soo frustrating!!!

Post # 4
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@chicagoworkinggirl:  Not in your shoes, but you sound smart. It sounds like you want a man who can support himself… that’s not unreasonable. Depends really on what you want out of life. I’d give it some time so at least let him find a job before you write him off. If he keeps mooching off his parents then that’s not really acceptable IMO. That’s part of the reason why I am with someone a lot older than me who knows how to manage money. I spent 5 years on/off with a total loser who mooched off anyone he could.

I moved out at 23, right after I finished my degree so I can relate to you. Plenty of people I know still live at home and are closer to my age (27).

I know it can be hard to see people get a free ride, but just know that it won’t pay off for them in the end. You know what reality is like… they’re in for a rude awakening!

Post # 5
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Am I in your shoes now?!  No, but I was at one time. 

Just spin the negativity into positive thoughts…you ARE getting ahead of the game.  You are establishing your independance NOW, and will be settled with finances before your friends bc of it. 

Now that I am in my early 30’s, I am thankful my parents stopped ‘helping’ me financially in my early 20’s.  It has made me a saver, whom values and appreciates that every penny I work for, earn and save has a ton of value. 

Post # 6
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My old roommate was like that. She didn’t move out of her parents’ house until she was 26, screwed up really badly within three months, and moved back in with them after our lease was up.

I also worked with a girl like this. From a well-off family, parents paid for EVERYTHING. Paid her tution, gave her a credit card to use and paid that off every month for her. It made me sick, because I was working as much as I could, paying all of my own bills, racking up student loans to pay for school, and was still broke. Then she’d come in in brand new Coach shoes and complain about how much the stuff in the vending machines cost. It makes me happy to know that the guy she married only married her because she’s getting a HUGE inheritance when her aunt dies (and probably a big one when her parents die, too).

Post # 7
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d just try to feel good about what you’re doing right now to look after yourself.  You don’t NEED anyone else.  That is a huge accomplishment on it’s own.  And try to be happy for your friends who are fortunate enough to have family able and willing to help them out now. 

I’m 35 now, but when I was in highschool I was working every waking hour I wasn’t in school, and didn’t have a lot of financial support from my family.  My two besties lived with their parents until the last 5 years.  lt would have been easy to get bitter and angry that they were able to save up for this and that, go on holidays, and even buy their house.  But instead I’m just really happy for them that they had the oppurtunity to do those things.

Post # 8
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO has supported me for 5 years (we’ve been together for 8.5 years) because of my anxiety issues. Working is really hard to impossible for me. And he’s happy to do it and loves me. I haven’t had a parent support me since I was 17. 

Post # 10
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@bebero:  No, SO and I are childfree by choice. I am basically a housewife (I cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills, do the errands etc). SO and I have a joint bank account. I am free to get money from it and buy whatever I want but I am a frugal peraon by nature. I like to save, not spend.  This arrangement works well for us. SO loves doting on me an forces me to go spend a couple hundred every so often to buy myself new cothes etc. He’s a sweetie.

Post # 11
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s hard, but you really just have to keep your eyes on your own business.  I moved out at 18, paid my own way through university and had a full time job at my current company before my final semester finished. 

It was hard watching all my friends live at home, have their cars and food paid for, and then jet off to Europe for six month, all the while thinking “I bet your parents would LOVE to go to Europe for six months”.  But really just concentrate on yourself and what affects you.

To that note, I’d look closely at your boyfriend.  It might not be about just the fact that his parents are supporting him that bothers you.  Perhaps it speaks to a major character difference that you’re not going to be comfortable with long term.

Post # 12
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@chicagoworkinggirl:  Am I in your shoes? Nope. I’m turning 25 this spring and I live at home with my parents. I have my own car, my own insurance, and a full-time job (that pays peanuts, but it’s better than nothing). I buy my own groceries, pay my own bills, and am attempting to be as self-sufficient as possible (same with my boyfriend and a bunch of people I know). . . but I live in one of the most expensive states in the country and I can’t afford to move out of the area on my own.

My advice? Mind your own business when it comes to your friends. They may have reasons for why they’re still living at home that you don’t know about. It could also be a cultural thing; there are some families where it’s completely normal to live at home until your late 20’s or until you’re married.

As for your boyfriend, you said that he only just graduated and is looking for a job. I say cut him some slack for now. The job market sucks right now (I would have left for a better paying job by now if I could find one) so just give it some time and see what happens (personally, I think it’s a smart move that he’s back at home for now). If the situation hasn’t improved in a few months then maybe you could talk to him about why he’s still at home or still doesn’t have a job.

Post # 13
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@SapphireSun:  I wish I could go to Europe for 6 months! Will your friends’ parents pay for me to go too?!

Post # 15
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes.  OMG.  It seems like everyone I know either was given a house by their parents, or grandparents, had college paid for, or married someone who bought them a house.  I don’t mind renting and doing it on my own, it increases my self respect.

It can be tough though to see that.  I have friends who were drug dealers, felons, etc. and they have rich dads who did everything from pay for school and housing to new teeth for them, to giving them employment in their companies and new cars.  I don’t even have anyone to cosign, let alone give me $100K (an ex’s parents did this).  Even my sister is a millionare- she has a different dad and inhereted a huge trust.  Then there is artist me 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@LoggerHead91207:  living at home with your parents while having a full-time job and paying your own way in other things is not what I hope the OP is talking about. I have no issue with people who are still living with their parents as long as they’re not living OFF their parents in every single way.

Personally, I’m surrounded by women (from my home country) who are shocked to hear that I dislike spending my husband’s money and prefer to be earning and spending my own. Darling Husband and I have a joint account, but we are both in careers and contributing to the household. it’s a foreign idea to these women – just yesterday I was chatting with one of them who feels obligated to help her boyfriend’s workshop on Sundays because she spends his money. I laughed.

These are the same women who will quit their jobs the instant they’re married.

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