- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I apologize in advance for the very looong rant. I’m also so sorry to hear about other bees’ hardships with their Future In-Laws. I can’t say I have it as bad as some of you bees here, its just that I could definitely use the rant time right about now since I’m about to run out of patience and I’m about to reach the brim and might start throwing stuff out of the window.
First of, I feel like DH’s family has not really appreciated him and his hard work. He has always been the responsible one financially, academically etc. even though he is the youngest. He has not missed giving his monthly payments to help out when he used to live at home with his folks, not even once, unlike his older brother who just comes and goes and blatantly says he can’t when he’s been spending money on stuff he shouldn’t have. But of course its not him who has to take the hard end of it. It was always Darling Husband who is expected to take out the trash, shovel the snow, make last minute errand runs or haul the groceries after a long day from work and not old brother who has been cooped up in his room the whole day. It was not old brother who was given the hard time from coming and going as he pleases, telling other people his plans before his actual family who has been supporting him, not contributing anything and buying a car on impulse under their father’s credit but it was Darling Husband fault for telling them straightforwardly and talking to them like a real adult that he has to move out so he could start saving for our wedding. For some odd reason why does it feel like Darling Husband has done something sooo bad after he moved out?!
Then come the wedding issues…We had our civil wedding last year (07/011) and plan on having our church wedding on 10/11/12. We definitely picked it because of the date. Making our day a thursday means we could also benefit from discounts offered by some vendors since its a weekday. But of course we had that long and annoying “you guys should’ve! or why did you pick thursday?!, you should’ve picked friday or saturday or why did you chose october it should’ve been july or august when most of your cousins are still on vacation from college!” all of course coming from Darling Husband mom and aunts. I mean should we think of other people first before ourselves for our own wedding?! I mean they kept insisting on their nieces’ and nephews’ schedule when I have relatives too and they live in a different continent for pete’s sake and not once have I heard from my relatives that I should change it to fit their schedule. And mind you almost 2/3 of the small 160 max guests wedding we’re planning on having will be from his side(large family indeed).
People from my side only told me when I told them how his family reacted to the day we picked was, “people who really value you and think of you as special will be there no matter what day or month it is. Besides some people will always find things to say no matter what day you choose.” So now, whenever I hear them make an issue about it being a thursday I just quickly nod and exit.
i feel bad whenever i blow up at my husband whenever I feel frustrated at his side of the family. I am not known to have a dominant personality, nor do I talk loud and yell out my opinions like its the absolute the way his mom/aunts do, i usually just nod or smile and say “i should do that!..or no I have not gone there, maybe we should?!” just to end the conversation that is definitely deafening.
The thing is, I somehow feel that they treat me like I know nothing and that I’m this stupid clueless person who should be questioned with everything I involve myself into. I have this feeling that maybe to them being timid and respecting the elders as our culture usually screams to us from the moment we were born somehow has this opposite effect on them. I dread it whenever the topic of “where are you on your wedding preparations?! come up, because I know following that the louder than usual tome will follow soon and the whole “even though I hired and assigned people for his older sisters wedding I ended up doing the wedding all on my own! as per Darling Husband mom. I mean is it my fault that youl eldest daughter’s destination wedding turned out the way it did? Just because people at that place did not do their jobs why talk to me like I’m stupid and that I have nt done a single thing. My wedding is in october and we have already booked our reception site, church, photographers, videographers, dj(doing lighting as well as a bit of decorating at the reception).
No matter how we kept telling her that I have my list of vendors to follow up and things that I know I need to keep in mind like flowers, linens etc. She still went and talked to people behind my back like I didn’t know what I was doing and that I have done nothing so far. But fine, I guess thats her way of helping. She even shut down our idea of hiring a bus to take some of the guests from other countries to and from each site(hotel, church, reception), but oh well we’re still getting them (again!, just because your relatives live close by doesn’t mean everybody does!). She’s pushing on using fishes as centerpieces and Ive told Darling Husband that I am NOT for it and since she hardly listens to me, I told him to break it to her. I have no plans on worrying about the fishes not withstanding such constricting vases, being handled recklessly by other guests, what to do with them after reception etc.
This sunday she gave me this look that “how come you did not want that Vera Wang gown so and so was talking about its only $500 on ebay!” For the life of me, no one asked me of what style I wanted, how can they just push me into buying something from ebay that MILs sister picked. I mean I appreciate the gesture but we’ve already told them on how I already tried on dresses and I already have something in mind that I wanted. I told Dh to text back his aunt and tell her thanks but Ill pass on the VW from ebay, I think Im sticking to the Maggie Sottero/Sophia Tolli I had my eyes on. I have nothing against designers such as Vera Wang or Monique Lhuiller but please don’t push it on me especially when I have already said countless of times that I don’t feel like spending on those wedding gowns when I personally know that I want something else!
And that did not stop there. Mother-In-Law kept at it and saying as if mocking our taste for picking that particular design for the invitation saying it was for destination wedding. I mean its not her who’s paying for it, why talk about it like she;s making fun of it. We’re actually pretty happy with our choices. And then she kept going on about the bridal party and kept saying how come they’re coming from the Phils? why cant you just put so and so to complete your list and at this point I was already brimming. She wanted to put (DH’s cousins whom I don’t even talk with as my BMs, and she has raised this issue more than three times already). Me and Darling Husband already had an agreement, I can not demand him to put my cousin he has not met as as one of his Groomsmen which goes both ways and now Mother-In-Law is insisting i do such and such even though Darling Husband and I have already told her we already have our Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen list done. So I finally could not stand her yapping at a public restaurant and hearing her “blah blah blah THAT’S IT! FINAL!” like she actually solved a hard riddle for us and that her word is absolute. I told her I spoke to one of my closest friends in high school who is in California and he will be part of my entourage so if ever my Maid/Matron of Honor can not make it he is willing to step up. And I thought it would solve everything but to my surprise she cranked up her voice even louder and acted like she did not understand the whole thing, and even made it sound like Im nuts for having picked a male in my entourage, in a near mocking/making fun of me like I must be nuts tone. So then I told her as clear as I could that having a male as part of the bridal party is not as uncommon she thinks, and that just because typically he isn’t at the grooms side doesn’t mean he’ll be wearing a gown and make my wedding day into a circus, he should be wearing a tux just like the GMs but instead of being on the groom’s side he will be on my side. Now she’s insisting to just put my cousin as my maid of honor who is already part of my Bridesmaid or Best Man, since for her it would be so much easier for everyone. So I told her I am not going to do that my cousin is coming from Australia and is not coming any day earlier than she wants them to be since she has school. Besides I have already spoken to him clearly at that and he should be here to help me with the wedding, he can drive if I need him to be and he can perform such duties and I’m sure he is very much aware of it like any other Man-of-Honor should be. And there are day of the wedding coordinator I could hire so that no one in the family should be stressed out at the day of the wedding esp. her. Of course that did not stop her from making fun of my decision, and on top of that she insists that I just go to this place where she bought DHs older sister’s wedding gown. (I guess the wedding gown talk is not done yet!), at which point I was just so done and was so ready to walk out and not hear her voice.
Although she said she was going to contribute financially for the wedding, but I am not holding my breath. And I think it would be easier if she didn’t so at least I could decide easier for my wedding. And the funny thing is my mom is her compete opposite who knows better than just to smile at me and just listen to our plans and support us. And yes my mom is helping us with the wedding financially as part of her present to me.
Thanks so much for listening to me. Maybe i’m just being hormonal. But I do feel better now.