Post # 1
Oh, just another vent. . .
I’ve been with my SO for 3 1/2 years, we talk about having children in our future frequently, and we both feel that we are almost certainly going to be together long-term. BUT I am in grad school (and concerned that my required internships may have to take place far from home and worried about job prospects), he is gainfully employed, with a full-time steady job and several part-time, repeating gigs, but he’s still twitchy about money because he and his brother just started a side business (they are hoping that it will someday be a source of more than just side income) which required considerable investment.
When we talked about a potential timeline in the summer (when he was much less secure as far as jobs went) what came out of it is that he didn’t feel ready, and he felt his financial situation was not suitable, and I told him that 5 years from now is my limit as far as getting married (it needs to happen by then or. . .?). That was fine, though I wish we hadn’t said 5 YEARS. We talked a lot about marriage more recently, whene we went to two weddings in one weekend, and it seemed like he was less nervous about the idea, but he asked me if I knew if my father wants my SO to ask for his blessing. I happened to know the answer to that question, which is yes, my father does want that (and though I don’t like the tradition, I know that it is an important respect thing for my father, so it would be necessary). Unfortunately my parents and my SO do not get along, so. . . great. ANOTHER barrier to us getting engaged.
I’m so tired of this! I just want to be engaged and have SOME part of my life settled already! But now my SO knows that he will need to ask my father’s blessing, and so I feel like it is even more far away than I felt it was before. . . ARGH! Hopefully it will happen in the next couple years (wahhh, want it much sooner!)– since my SO knows that I want to start trying for children not long after I turn 30, and we agree that we must be married before starting to try for kids. ETA: I’m 25 (figured people would want to know. . .)
Just– blahh! So many barriers and complications, and I’m SO TIRED of waiting! I’m probably going to end up being #1 on the waiting list for a year or more, at this rate. . . 🙁 I have 2 pages of Etsy favorites of engagement and wedding rings, and I know what my dress will look like. . . I just want to get this going somewhere!
Post # 3
@Creiddylad: I totally know how you feel – I’ve been with my SO for years and finally the proposal is coming somewhat soon. My SO and my father also didn’t get along for a while, and while I wanted to get engaged 1-2 years ago, SO wanted to wait untileverything was more stable. It ended up working out better in the long run because SO and my dad have a good relationship now, so it will be that much better when wedo get engaged. It sounds like you both know you want to marry each other so as much as it SUCKs to wait…if you’re patient it will happen and you will be so, so happy 🙂
Post # 4
@Laur12: Thank you. . . I am just so impatient. It’s been 3 1/2 years and my parents’ relationship with my SO has really not improved that much, and I’m not sure it ever will. . . bluch. But I am ready to get on with it, parents’ opinions be damned!
Post # 5
I just have a question, I couldn’t help but notice that you said “we both feel that we are almost certainly going to be together long term”
I think you need to have a conversation with your SO, and make sure that you are both 100% certain, without a doubt, that you are going to be together forever, before you worry about when he is going to propose.
I don’t think any guy is going to propose for “almost certain”
Post # 6
@MissTexasFire: The almost is because of the uncertainty of my school/life/ future employment, mostly (my field is a competitive one and our home is in the middle of nowhere, and he built the house and owns a lot of land, so moving is not an option). I am also trying to work through the difficulty of having my parents still not like him. So I’m like, 99% sure he’s the one. Not 100%. I’m too scared to ask him is he SURE I’m the woman he wants to spend his life with. I think so but there is a tiny bit of doubt because of how nervous he acted this summer when we spoke about all of this. Probably part of the reason I want to be engaged so badly is because it would eliminate this uncertainty. I guess that is backwards, in a way.
Post # 7
Those are all legitimate reasons, but like I said before, I think you need to have a conversation with your SO.
Suck it up and ask him if he is 100% sure. You can ask this in a way where you are not putting pressure on him, make it clear you are not asking if he is going to propose, just if he is sure he definitely sees you two together in the future, whatever that may entail.
And you also need to be 100% sure. I can only speak for myself, but if I am 100% sure about someone, location, job, family be damned. In the end, its the two of you, forever. Houses change, jobs change, family passes.
In 70 years when you’re old and wrinkly, do you see him by your side?
Engagement will not eliminate uncertainty, most rational people want to eliminate uncertainty BEFORE committing to “forever” with someone
Post # 8
@Creiddylad: Hang in there peach! Perhaps it’s time to reassess with your SO a more comfortable timeline. A girl is allowed to change her mind