(Closed) Argh…Just got a wedding invitation from someone not on my list!

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I invite her?
    No, decline her invite and leave your guest list the way it is. : (34 votes)
    35 %
    No, go to her wedding anyway! : (50 votes)
    52 %
    Yes, if she cares enough to invite you, you should invite her too! : (12 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 17
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    You do not have to invite her, and if you don’t want to, then you shouldn’t.  As for attending her wedding, if you feel close enough to her to do so and want to then go for it.  There is no quid pro quo (something or something) when it comes to wedding invites.  I invited one of my close gfs to my wedding, and I know I won’t be invited to hers because she wants an intimate wedding.  I am not offended one bit, and she is happy to attend mine.

    Post # 18
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Everyone’s guest lists are different and being on someones does not mean they need to be on yours.

    Post # 19
    13563 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    You do not have to invite her. You definitely don’t have to invite her whole family. And as you were invited, you should feel free to attend if you would like to. 🙂

    Post # 20
    235 posts
    Helper bee

    If you want to attend, by all means go!  If you would feel awkward, at least send a gift.  That should take the sting out of not inviting her when the time comes.  If you go and she says something like “See you at your wedding”, just play the small ceremony/small budget card.  She’s a bride too and should understand that.

    Post # 21
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    If you don’t want to go to hers, then don’t invite her, but do send her a nice gift. She probably had you on the B-list and had fewer yes’s than she was planning on. She’ll be more than happy to recieve a gift, I’m sure.

    Post # 23
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    She’s probably having a larger wedding! You should go, it won’t be too awkward, and if she does end up noticing I’m sure she will realize it was a pretty small wedding and that you guys aren’t super close.

    Post # 24
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Your guest list and their guest list are completely different entities and should be treated as such. Who invented this “rule” that you have to invite everyone who invites you to their wedding in the first place? That information is absolutely wrong. Attend if you want or decline if you don’t want to go but don’t cave into the naive logic that it’s a competition of any kind, which also includes the idea of “she invited me so I have to invite her or the world will end”. Seriously though, why does it matter? Whether your family is attending or not is irrelevant to the situation and should not be the deciding factor for what you do in the end.

    Post # 25
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    Etiquette does say, that all hospitality ought to be reciprocated. If anyone invites you to dinner, then within the next few months you should invite them to dinner. But it doesn’t have to be for exactly the same event, obviously. After all, most of her wedding guests will be already married: they can hardly reciprocate by inviting her to their wedding, can they? So why should you have to?

    Your guest list for your wedding is already set. You shouldn’t be changing it for something like this. But you are right to feel obligated by accepting her invitation. The right thing to do is, a few weeks after you return from your honeymoon, invite this consins’ cousin and her new husband over to your new home for dinner. It will be a fun opportunity for two newlywed households to start practicing everyday hospitality, after the big frou-fa-frah large-scale hospitality of your weddings. You can trade wedding stories over the dessert course.

    Post # 26
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2009

    I invited someone to my wedding and was not invited to hers a few months later, and it was not a big deal for me!  I just say this to present the other side of the situation:)

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