I think it really depends on how you interacted with your exes while dating/being with your husband, whether you had previous arguments with your husband regarding your exes, how you and your husband handled those “arguments”, etc.
I had similar experience with my Fiance, in that I eventually asked Fiance to not mention his ex.
However, our situation was as such:
When Fiance and I just started dating, he casually told me things about his ex, such as what she said to him, what he did with her, what they did together etc.
She was his first long term relationship. Fiance was/is my first and only serious relationship.
I constantly reminded me to not tell me stories of her, because it makes me feel terrible, and makes me compare myself to her, and wonder stupid stuff like “did he do this with her too?” and “there is no first for him”. I was very bitter, because time and time again, I felt that while everything we said/did/shared was so precious and special to me because everything was a first for me, to my Fiance, it was one of those “been there done it” – esp when he didn’t want to celebrate valentine’s day and I found out later that he and his ex used to buy each other stuff and write each other cards for V-day.
Then I found female products lying around his bathroom, found a whole mound of love letters and cards she wrote to him while cleaning the house with him, saw a whole bunch of pictures of her on his personal website (though very casual ones along with general pics) – and at some point, Fiance even told me “I saw that my ex got a new bf on FB, and it made me sad”.
Of course, when I constantly came to tears and told him that it hurts me very badly, that he is inevitably making me feel horrible by leading me to compare myself to her, etc, all he would say is that he has no feelings for her and that I’m the only one for him.
However, when things happen to you over and over again, wounds don’t heal properly. No mater how many times he tells you that “you are the only one”, you start doubting those words, and you are reminded of past things when a new thing happens.
One good thing was that we both decided to get rid of our FBs in the beginning of our relationship – so the whole ordeal of “contacting (or stalking) an ex” was gone.
But eventually, it came to the point where I had nightmares of this ex of his – and I’ve never even met her. It was as if I was being haunted by her shadow, and it was killing me inside. I just couldn’t get her out of my stinking head. Fiance had made enough mistakes that his ex became a part of our relationship, in a very negative, weird way.
No doubt, I love my Fiance and he loves me very much – but the simple mistakes he made in the beginning of our relationship (which he thought nothing of – he was coming out of his first long term relationship and he didn’t know how to end it, sweep it aside, and start a new relationship on a clean slate. And I of course, did not understand why or how he could leave those things around for me to see so plainly, say those kinds of words to me – especially because I have never experienced a proper relationship before meeting him) scarred me so badly that it took me a very very long time to get over with.
After we got engaged, Fiance took his time to organize all of his pictures (on his computer), so that I won’t need to see any pics of him and his ex. They’ve dated for 4-5 years, so there were tons of pictures of them traveling together, etc – but he took his time to organize them and tuck them away – because he understood how much it hurt me before.
Now he understands me more, and I am more understanding of him.
He apologized for hurting me and making me cry from his insensitive mistakes, and I apologized for not being able to understand and accept his previous relationship.
But I think it worked out for us because there was that mutual understanding and apology.
Had Fiance pushed the whole “hey, she’s my past and i got no feelings for her, so get over it. I’m going to continue exactly the way I’ve been, even though it hurts you.”, I would’ve left him, and left him with full of scars.