I can’t be punished for things that happen way before we even met.
I agree 100% that you should not be guilt-tripped by your past. However, I don’t think it’s necessary to see this situation as a “punishment”, though I can see how you can feel as if it is one, especially if you “resent” your DH’s behavior.
I really believe that you need to try to understand how, where, and why his insecurity is arising, instead of stamping him as “insecure”, “jealous”, and “crazy”. I read in one of your replies that you and your Darling Husband used to hang out with your exes together while dating – perhaps he saw why you used to date them, some old friendly (not necessarily romantic, but pleasant) sparks…or perhaps you and your exes fondly talked of your past relationship with your Darling Husband there. All those things are very hard to swallow for a person who has never dated/never had any serious relationship before. I am not saying that that’s the reason why you should “obey” your DH’s orders, but I am suggesting that you should try to give him some extra room of understanding for his situation.
As some PPs say, I can also see both sides in this situation, and I also know how hard it is for two people from completely different relatonship history to fully understand each other in each other’s shoes. Actually, it’s impossible to “fully” understand, but for the sake of love and marriage, we should at least try – which is what Fiance and I did eventually.
Try to sit your Darling Husband down and have a long, good, honest talk with him. Let him know that he is the only one, that you married him because you love him and not your exes – comfort him with your love, instead of accusing him of not trusting you. Ask him why he came to resent your exes so much and why he feels uncomfortable raising children with your exes in your life. Hopefully he will let you know his feelings and why and how he came to be, and hopefully you will be understanding of his situation – and vise versa.
I really do not think there is a correct answer to this sort of relationship issues, other than the fact that one should try to be understanding and accommodating for one other, so the SO won’t be hurt by avoidable situations.
What I find it hard to accept sometimes is that, if me having previous relationships bothered my husband so much, then why pick me to be his wife?
This actually bothered me a bit, so I will comment: you cannot accuse the man for marrying the woman he loves. It is possible that your previous relationships bothered him before (while dating), but he came to think more seriously of it after beng married, after seeing how you interact with them in the previous hangouts. If anything, I have to ask you, why did you marry your Darling Husband if you are so unwilling to even think of a compromised solution with him and go straight to resenting his behavior? Just as you said, not everything goes the way you want, not everything goes the way you like – this seems to be the big and first issue you are experiencing in your marriage with your Darling Husband, so I really hope this event will become a big milestone in you and your DH’s relationship to becoming stronger and tighter.
It really doesn’t have to end in obedience and arguments.