Argument over church!?!?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
8724 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ms. Darlin :  Does your church have other services? Like Wednesday night fellowship or Sunday evening? What if you find a different church that you and your husband both like for “regular” Sunday service, and then you can go on your own to another service to stay close with your other friends and family?

Post # 17
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

So your counselor is suggesting trying other churches. Your husband is saying he is willing to try other churches. You your self said your not getting what you need out of this church but don’t want to leave because of friends. So how are you compromising? Your being stubborn. You want your husband to stay because you don’t want to leave your friends not because you like the chruch. What is that. Your not even listening to your counselor. You want your husband to bend for you but your not willing to bend for him. Come on you think that is fair? That’s terrible. 

Post # 18
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

I’m starting to see why you two separated if, every time you have a difference of opinion, you tell him that he is the one with the problem.

You don’t find your current church spiritually fulfilling. You can see your parents, grandparents and friends from church outside of church, so it really just sounds like it is their opinion of you going to their church or a different church that is bothering you? Sorry to say but this is a terrible thing to prioritise over a very reasonable request from your husband.

You’re being rigid and inconsiderate with your husband here. There is absolutely no reason why he should be forced to go to a church he doesn’t like any more than you should. The likelihood is very good that you will find a church you both enjoy if you just try out a few new ones. You will be able to grow spiritually and get on the same page, so that sounds like a win-win to me. The only downside is that your friends and family might not like that, but that’s adult life for you. They’ll get over it.

Post # 20
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

Ms. Darlin :  I think you need to be able to answer the question of why it’s more important to prioritize pacifying/not upsetting your family than prioritizing your husband’s feelings/ preferences. Especially when you agree you’re not getting what you need spiritually out of your current church. This is a perfect example of the need to “leave and cleave” to your spouse when you get married. 

Post # 21
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Ms. Darlin :  but why does your family’s opinion matter more than your husbands or the advice of your therapist?

You can see your family any time. Also if they’re giving your grief about changing churches, just tell them it’s on the advice of your marriage counselor. If they give you grief about THAT, they’re crappy people and you could use less time with them. 

If you truly want to save your marriage, try other churches. Forget what your family says. It doesn’t have to be your husbands church, it can be a totally new church. But don’t keep him at a church just because of your family. 

Post # 22
Member
9484 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Why is your family even a part of this discussion?

This is about you and your husband and working on your marriage. It’s not even something you need to discuss with them.

Post # 23
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee

How about if the shoe was on the other foot?

If he said you are at fault because you don’t like this church, he doesn’t like this church but those feelings are of no consequence. That your lack of spiritual fulfillment means nothing and neither does his. He expects you to attend because of his parents and his friends. Their feelings are the most important here. I know what I’d say to him…..

So listen to him and listen to your therapist, see if you can make a choice that is good for you and your husband going forward.

Post # 24
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You are a very selfish women. Thinking of your mom, dad and grandparents before your husband. SMH. You don’t even get anything out of the church but yet your willing to stay because you feel guilty!!!! Your husband’s feeling’s mean nothing to you. Make sure you tell your counselor about it and don’t blame it on your husband. 

Post # 25
Member
5907 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Ms. Darlin :  Frankly, you don’t sound like you want to stay married. Keep going to the church you’re familiar with, even though you don’t really like it. You can find another husband who already goes there and your family can be approving while your spirit withers. But you’ll have an agreeable man in the pew beside you each week and at least your grandma will approve.

Post # 26
Member
3857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Wait so he’s been sticking it out at your church for THREE YEARS now but you won’t try a different church for him? I know it’s hard to leave a community but surely you can see how unbalanced that is. He has put in a lot of effort to go to your church and it’s still not working for him. It’s your turn to try now. Even alternating between your church and other churches until you find one you like is better than nothing.  

Post # 27
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Apparently you have a complete misunderstanding of what marriage is and you’re also apparently quick to give up on it…..all for the purposes of keeping your head low and avoiding the disapproval from your family….Just think about that bee.  You’re willing to walk away from your marriage so your parents won’t be mad at you.  You’re not even willing to fight for it.

Maybe its best that you divorce and don’t get married again until you have matured and detached from your family.  Your Darling Husband deserves a wife who will have his back and be his actual partner.  You are not that wife.

 

 

Post # 28
Member
4507 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Ms. Darlin :  you suggested splitting but you have a child, who would the child go with? It’s high time to learn how to put your partner and child first, ahead of your extended family. Find a new church.

Post # 29
Member
6242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If a woman was here saying their Dh put their family before them, everyone would be up in arms claiming that if he cannot stand up to this family and put you first he shouldn’t be married. It shouldn’t be any different for a woman. If you are not prepared to put the well-being of your relationship and your marriage (and your spiritual life) ahead of your parents, then you should not be married. 

It is YOU who is the problem here, bee. It sounds like your Dh has done more than enough compromising in this situation, and now it is your turn. 

Post # 30
Member
792 posts
Busy bee

Ms. Darlin :  Your husband has sacrificed for 3 years for you. Even you admit you don’t feel fulfilled at that church. So why aren’t you willing to look for a new church? Are you willing to throw your marriage away over this issue? Is it worth it?

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