Post # 1
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
I am originally from New York, and decided to follow my parents to North Carolina which is where I met my fiance. He is originally from Florida, and was here because of the military. He got out of the military and he stayed here to be with me. Now that we are getting married, I agreed to move to Florida after the wedding so he can go to school and live by his family. At first we agreed when he finished school we would move back to North carolina, and buy a house and have a family by my parents. Now he says he wants to stay in florida for good.
this caused a pretty big arguement for many reasons
1. if we stay in florida i feel we will never get to visit my family in NY (grandma, sister, niece, brother)
2. i told him i want live by my parents, because I am very very close with them
3. it is important to me to live by family, especially when we have kids, incase anything happens we have the help we need. Since his mom is a bad alcoholic, (she will seriously drink a beer as she is driving) I told him I would never trust our kids alone with his mother, and he agreed at first, but is now making a really big deal saying that i hate his mom and things like that, which i never said.
Who knows, I may change my mind in the future, but right now this is how I feel
so how did you and your SO decide this? is it wrong of me to be so angry that he is just changing his mind?
Post # 3
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
@mrsrecon: In the same boat as you, except I knew from the get-go that my SO wanted to stay in his hometown. In the end, I moved to be with him. Family will always be there for you (at least, in my case), but a marriage/relationship is something you always have to work on. Our “compromise”: (1) send the kids to be with my parents for summers and (2) retire in my hometown.
You have every right to be angry, but this isn’t something you can compromise on unless you decide to live in between the two states and nobody gets to be happy. It’s especially unfair that he changed his mind after leading you to believe that the two of you would settle down in your home state. Can you promise to retire in Florida as a compromise? Or spend more holidays there?
Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
To be honest, we had this discussion by saying that it would all depend on the opportunity given. My Fiance and I both agree that we want to live abroad (he’s from Ireland and has dual citizenship). I would prefer to stay near my family though. But, if the opportunity comes for us to move back to the UK, I would take it in a heartbeat.
So, it sounds like for you, that the current opportunity that benefits your fiance is in Florida, at least for the time being. I would agree to stay but with the promise that you will reevaluate in 4 years (or however long it takes him to graduate). Dont buy any property and passively look for new jobs. And bring up your wants so he knows them.
Or, compromise. Can you agree that you will spend extended holidays with your family in NY if you live in Florida? Maybe make him agree that your future children will not be taken care of by his mom (if you can afford it, get a nanny?).
I think it is unfair on your part to squash his dreams as much as it is unfair to you that he ruins yours. Both of you probably have good points in why to stay or move, so you too need to sit down and make sacrafices on both ends. If you cant compromise or at least agree to look at the issue when the time comes to act, then maybe there are bigger things to think about.
Post # 5
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
@somethingaquamarine:
i know my family will always be there for me, but its comforting to have them physically there, incase there was ever an emergency or something and we needed them. i would have no problem sending our kids to be with my parents for the summer, but i want to be able to see them too!
@ohmybears48: I feel moving to FL would be the best opprotunity for my fiance right now, but what I am mad about is that he promised we could move back here after, and now changed his mind. It hurts me to think if we stayed in florida that our children will never get to have a great relationship with either grandmother because one is such a severe alcoholic and one lives far away. right now our compromise is to spend holidays with my family while we live in florida, but once we have kids who wants to travel 12 hours with babies or anything, so I feel that we will stop seeing them.