(Closed) argument over where we will live in the future (vent, need advice!!)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrsrecon:  In the same boat as you, except I knew from the get-go that my SO wanted to stay in his hometown. In the end, I moved to be with him. Family will always be there for you (at least, in my case), but a marriage/relationship is something you always have to work on. Our “compromise”: (1) send the kids to be with my parents for summers and (2) retire in my hometown.

You have every right to be angry, but this isn’t something you can compromise on unless you decide to live in between the two states and nobody gets to be happy. It’s especially unfair that he changed his mind after leading you to believe that the two of you would settle down in your home state. Can you promise to retire in Florida as a compromise? Or spend more holidays there?

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

To be honest, we had this discussion by saying that it would all depend on the opportunity given. My Fiance and I both agree that we want to live abroad (he’s from Ireland and has dual citizenship). I would prefer to stay near my family though. But, if the opportunity comes for us to move back to the UK, I would take it in a heartbeat. 

So, it sounds like for you, that the current opportunity that benefits your fiance is in Florida, at least for the time being. I would agree to stay but with the promise that you will reevaluate in 4 years (or however long it takes him to graduate). Dont buy any property and passively look for new jobs. And bring up your wants so he knows them. 

Or, compromise. Can you agree that you will spend extended holidays with your family in NY if you live in Florida? Maybe make him agree that your future children will not be taken care of by his mom (if you can afford it, get a nanny?). 

I think it is unfair on your part to squash his dreams as much as it is unfair to you that he ruins yours. Both of you probably have good points in why to stay or move, so you too need to sit down and make sacrafices on both ends. If you cant compromise or at least agree to look at the issue when the time comes to act, then maybe there are bigger things to think about.

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