Post # 1
I received great advice last time so here I am again! My brother and his family came over to meet my twins. My husband was at work so I showed him pictures from the visit and he immediately became upset. We took a picture of my 9 year old niece holding both babies while sitting. My husband was so upset. He was screaming at me about how I risked our babies lives and they both could’ve died or had brain damage due to my and families negligence. I told him we were all there and immediately took the babies once the picture was snapped. According to him it only takes a second i do agree that’s true. I felt he was being a bit dramatic about it which just upset him more. We are first time parents so I exaggerate and I’m paranoid myself but I just don’t see a big deal with it. Now he has asked anytime my family and friends visit that he be present to make sure his babies lives are not in jeopardy again. I said we would talk tomorrow once we have cooled down by cooled down I mean him. Prior to this picture he’s never cared who came by or what happened during the visit. We are going to talk tomorrow as I’m just upset by his reaction (screaming at me) and he’s upset at me for not stopping this from taking place as she is only 9 yrs old. Am I just blinded because it’s my niece ? He feels I can’t think clearly due to it being my baby niece. Would any of you bees have an issue if a 9 year old sitting down held both babies for a picture?
Post # 2
Does he typically scream at you? Does he typically try to restrict your access to your family? His behavior here is really OTT, and it’s worrisome.
Post # 3
Why is he screaming at you? I agree with PP, this is worrisome.
Post # 4
This is absurd. Adults were present and immediately available. I have a picture of my four year old holding his baby sister. Would it be irresponsible to have a 9 year old carry them? Probably. But this was a controlled environment and only for a moment.
As an aside, if my Dh EVER thought it was okay to scream at me, he’d have another thing coming. I won’t be treated that way by anyone.
Post # 5
During COVID times, tbh, I think it’s irresponsible to have anyone over to meet newborns… let alone hold them. You said you’re both cautious or even “paranoid,” but that’s not paranoid behavior. So many people have contracted COVID from incredibly small family gatherings, including relatives of my FH, so please be mindful.
As for your husband’s yelling/reaction, that’s a red flag/out of line. What is his usual “anger” reaction? Is he typically a yeller? Does he put down your decision-making?
This should have been something you both discussed, agreed on, and stuck to (people over, level of contact, etc.) prior to *any* visits. TBH, anyone in that group could have passed the virus (or any sickness) along to your babies–9 years old or otherwise. I’d have an issue with anyone holding my child(ren) during a global pandemic.
Post # 6
I’m assuming that your husband was worried that she would drop the babies?? My opinion only but I woud be upset if a 9 year old was left unattended with the twins and she just picked them up on her own… but if everyone was there??? I woud be okay with this. I’m also a raving lunatic about germs and I made everyone wash their hands before coming anywhere near my newborn.
My son was 12 when his baby cousin was born, and he was a preemie and weighed about 4.5 lbs. I have a pic of him holding his teeny little cousin in the NICU. Of course, after the pic, the baby’s mom took him back immediately…. but this is family. Of course a 9 year old woud be excited and want to hold the babies. I don’t think I woud be upset by what you did.
Post # 7
No he doesn’t that’s why it took me so off guard and why I said let’s talk tomorrow. It makes even more feel like this is a huge deal this pic!? Yes we’ve argued in the past but he’s never screamed at me. I feel like that alone is a bigger deal than this picture but for him this picture is a huge thing. For more info I have two other nieces 18&21 he didn’t say anything when they held the two babies which he pointed out tonight as they are adults. My family has always visited We’ve been together about 10 years- spent holidays and occasion with our families all the time and I’ve been on vacations with family for years worth and without him. So no this isn’t a case of him trying to isolate me from my family.
Post # 8
There’s a picture of me as a 7 year old holding my infant sister. A 9 year old is grown enough to hold a baby properly.
If his yelling at you is his normal, then you need to reconsider your relationship.
Why can’t you just agree on who can and can’t hold your babies? If he feels the need to be there whenever YOUR friends or family are over, as opposed to his, this means he doesn’t trust you to keep your word.
I think a baby parenting class would give the both of you an idea of what’s appropriate handling of a baby and what’s not. Unless this was a one off and you can calmly negotiate boundaries, I think you have bigger issues.
Post # 9
I think a 9 year old sitting down is capable of holding on to two babies while a picture is taken. My son was three and held his new brother for some pictures!
Post # 10
Thank you I’m here feeling like is there something wrong with me? That I don’t see a big deal and I told him the screaming is now a major issue than her just my 9 year old niece holding them for a picture! At this point I’m upset so I said we will discuss tomorrow and he agreed.
Post # 11
Your husband sounds like a controlling dick. Yes, he’s totally over-reacting. I have multiple pics of my 4-year-old granddaughter holding her new born brother while sitting in a sofa chair. It’s not like your niece was walking around with them. There is no excuse for he acted either way.
Post # 12
Exactly he was concerned they would both fall out of her arms. Their were 3 adults present and that just made him more upset that no one thought she’s too young! As I lay in bed thinking of his reaction and the fact that he even looked as if he wanted to cry thinking of our babies dying over this has me replaying this over and over. I just still can’t see the big deal she was sitting and 3 adults present.
Yes I started to think of Facebook post with my friends newborn and their 3 year old siblings holding them just for a picture! Lol
Post # 13
We had actually signed up for parenting classes it’s now zoom due to the pandemic and the schedule for it he is unable to attend due to work. The previous one was in person and on Saturday. We took everything the hospital offered as first time parents and attended some until COVID. Screaming is not the norm which is why it has made me feel like wow maybe this is a really big deal?! He doesn’t trust my words now since I believe the picture is no big deal. So he finds it hard to believe I would stop certain things if I think it’s no big deal.
Post # 14
I was babysitting infants by 11 so he’s majorly overreacting. I can’t believe he screamed at you.
Post # 15
I kept looking at the picture over and over you would’ve thought their heads were dangling! I can’t even think of a time I’ve seen him so upset if he has it’s been so long I don’t even recall!!