Argument with DH over baby pic

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry but if this was happening to me divorce would be on my mind. Not just because of this incident but because he referred to your baby as “ugly” and you as “his twin”. THEN decided that you cannot make rational decisions as a mother just for letting a NINE year old hold the babies and instead of just discussing it, he screams like a toddler about it.

I usually think people on here say “divorce them” too much but it sounds like he has no respect for you. YOU pushed the babies out of your hoo-ha, YOU had to go through the hormonal and bodily changes. Not him. PPD be damned. Many people have depression but still respect their spouses enough to not yell at them and respect their babies enough to not call them ugly. Tell him to get to a therapist ASAP or get out. 

Post # 78
Member
10542 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you need the marriage counseling now regardless of if zoom is ideal or not. It’s better than nothing. But honestly he’s the one who needs parenting classes and counseling, not you.

He should seek out individual therapy.

Post # 79
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

glad tha appt went well.

i have pictures of my 20 month old holding my 3 day old baby while i snapped pictures.  don’t worry.

Post # 81
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

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@helpluv11:  

 

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@helpluv11:  glad the appt went well and that he was receptive. 

How do you think he would react if you calmly went to him with some of the literature about post part in depression/anxiety in men and just shared your concerns? Especially if you recognize many of the symptoms, if he has any self insight he might realize something is off too. 

my friend had post party anxiety…he sounds a lot like her tbh. Part of it was also that she had a lot going on aside from the bany which added stress. I’m sure that having twins during a pandemic can’t be helping either.

Post # 83
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@helpluv11:  I’m glad the pediatrician put him in his place. 

I’m also glad he admitted he was in the wrong when informed. 

I think therapy will be really good for him, both individually as he adjusts to fatherhood, and as a couple while you adjust to a parenting relationship together. You said there have been some issues since the twins were born, so be sure he is getting the support he needs. Babies, especially twins, are a lot of work and stress! 

Post # 84
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

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@helpluv11:  You must both be under such incredible stress! I think zoom therapy will definetely help and be better than no therapy at all. Maybe you could also see if you can both do individual sessions sometimes….it can be good to vent and talk things out in totaly privacy even from your SO.

Does he have a Employee Assistance Program at his work? You can usually find out through HR but most big companies have them. They can also help with referrals to therapists that take the company insurance, sometimes they offer free intro sessions too. 

Post # 86
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee

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@helpluv11:  

Set up appointments right away for couples and individual counseling for both of you  before the mood changes and he changes his mind. Zoom appointments can be really effective. I have to do zoom appointments with my doctor that prescribes my daily meds. I’m surprised by how smooth the transition was and it still felt like a real appointment. If anything, it felt a little more personal and casual and I found it easier to have a conversation. Give zoom counseling a try. It might work out great especially regarding the child care issue.

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